Do you miss it?
The innocence
The ignorance
When kissing and hugs were still icky
It wasn't about ***
And didn't make you long for something real
When the summers were all sunshine
And no school
And you didn't have to go to bed until 9 instead of 8
The times when mom always
Had hot cocoa waiting when you came inside from playing in the snow
Alcohol was exciting
When mom gave you a sip
Because it was Forbidden,
And now it's just a way to escape the gray misery
When cooking was fun
Because you COULD and didn't HAVE TO
You could make a mess of flour and dishes
But now you have to clean up after
Your money can't go to gumballs and quarter machines
Now it goes to rent and car trouble
Staying up until midnight was still fun
Instead, you have to be in bed at 7
Because you have to work tomorrow
And after that, you have a doctor appointment
Do you miss when Saturdays were for sleeping
Not running the errands you couldn't during the week
A day of shopping was fun, and now it makes you nervous because you only have $60 in your wallet and you still have to get a few groceries
A day at the beach was fun
You would come home tired
And sun soaked
Now you only dread the sand you'll get in the car
People ask how you are and you tell them
"Great!"
Things aren't great
But they really are okay
Because you don't have lovers, but you are loved
Your siblings are friends instead of annoying
You used to fight with them over the last of the soda
But now Pepsi makes you sick
And your mom isn't mean anymore,
She's your anchor
Your best friend
You call her more than your 12-year-old self would have thought
And your dad is always there
When you have questions about
Life
Cars
Small fixes around the house
You got good rest last night
And that's enough for you
Even if yesterday you drank three cups of coffee because you needed the energy
Not just because it tastes good.
Because you really do feel fully rested
You go home to a quiet house
But your plants are enough company
And maybe your neighbor would like to come over for tea on the weekend
You work long and hard
But that's okay because you know you'll sleep well
And you have church tomorrow
And the singing always makes you feel alive
And when the sun sets
On your day
It's lovely,
And you watch it go down with a glass of something cold
And make a mental note to pay the water bill

Someday
I'm going to go running through a field of flowers
I won't worry about bugs
Or sweating
Or needing my inhaler

Someday I'm going to spend Christmas in Switzerland
The glowing lights
Warm fires
The mountains

Someday I'm going to
Go back to Mount Rainier
Take the same path as before
Take in the beauty
Take My time remembering
That this is what beauty looks like

Someday I'm going to fall in love
We will laugh
And take pictures
And spend Sunday afternoons curled up on the couch

Someday I'm going to live on a huge farm
My whole family will be with me
We will grow
Plants, food, and each other
And revert to mankind's oldest way to receive food

Someday
I'm going to have kids of my own
To raise
And love
And teach to love God

But if Someday were today,
Someday I'd have a quiet afternoon
Alone
But that's okay
Eat some good food
And let my mind rest from earning
All the other "Somedays"
That will come along one of these days

Everybody talks about
The ones who fall in love
They kiss and cry
And live and die
Life they never dreamed of

But nobody talks about
The time that comes before
The heartbreak and
The loneliness
Your heart out on the floor

Even when the sun comes up
Your left in misery
Your eyes red-rimmed
Your crawling skin
It's all a mystery

Sometimes you can be just fine
And have a normal day
Then you get home
You're all alone
You want to hide away

"Is there something wrong with me"
Your heart whispers too loud
And suddenly
And sullenly
You're with misery endowed

You're walking down a busy street
You pass a window pane
You see yourself
But not yourself
And all that's there is pain

"Your belly rolls, your neck's too thick"
You chastise yourself
Before you know
It, any glow
Falls in upon itself

Your tears fall down, flooding out
You wonder what is wrong
They just don't see
All your beauty
And what was there is gone

You try to find a better way
To finally fall in love
Before you know,
Here comes the snow
And you are still alone

"Someone's out there," they all say,
"He's waiting just for you"
It never helps
Nor even quells
The place you're going through

Weddings, anniversaries
You don't enjoy them all
But sometimes you
See joy and truth
When rice and flowers fall

But then there's always going home
You have to face the day
With fake smile off
You go to bed
And cry your makeup off.

Even the best of dreams are nightmares
For we must awaken sometime