Marisa Lu Makil

Marisa Lu Makil Dec 2021

I'm not
Grand
Or rich
I don't live in a mansion,
just a tiny apartment.
I'm not poor
Or broke,
I don't worry about finances
I don't eat out every night,
But I budget.
I have money enough
That I don't have to worry about not being able to pay bills,
So I am content.
But I am not happy.
Money can't bring you happiness. Because at the end of the day,
I'm sitting in my house
All alone
Save my plants,
And I'm wishing
I had someone to come home to.

Marisa Lu Makil Dec 2021

Come Spring, Come Winter

It wasn't a Forbidden Love or a flaming Romance; the years passed by and we
Didn't even see it at first. It was just
A muttering and musing of music,
But when we finally opened our eyes,
It was a burning wreck
Of pain and Circumstance.
Neither of us knew it was there
Until it was
And we wondered how for so long
We'd missed this soft watercolor sunset
But between the gray dawn or fiery twilight,
Still we chose the former.

Marisa Lu Makil Oct 2021

I'm not moving

Heart stopped
Wish it would
Mind trapped
Wish I could
Escape
From my head

Eyes swell
From the tears
Feels like
It's been years
That I've
Felt this fear

Waves crash
Over me
Whiplash
I can't scream
Drowning
In a dream

Fog, mist
In my head
Can't get
Out of bed
Wrists they're
Turning red

Losing
Hope for me
Getting
Lost at sea
Lost in-
Side of me

Broken
In my soul
Feels like
Broken bones
Slipping
Can't let go

Hiding
In myself
Can't trust
Someone else
Anger
Like a pulse

Curled up
Bottom side
A pit
Deep inside
Wish that
I would die

Two weeks ago I got the news that my grandpa is dying. The next day I got into a car crash, later that week someone broke up with me, and I just got the news that two of my pastors have resigned their Commission. I just feel sad and broken and I want to die and it feels like no one nowhere on any planet or existence can help me. Please, God make me a stone.

Marisa Lu Makil Sep 2021

Shattered Hopes

I'd like to believe
The world is kinder
Than it appears

Marisa Lu Makil Sep 2021

We Never Had A Song

We never had a song
We gazed at each other
Until one of us looked away
We'd smile
Or make funny faces
And he would stick out his tongue at me
But we never had a song
He made me blush when we touched
Gave me butterflies
When he wrapped his arms around me
But we never had a song
He replaced all my scars
With his fingertips
He made me feel... safe
But we never had a song
I would watch him when he didn't see
And wondered what his skin felt like
But we never had a song
He made me wish for silly things
Like making coffee together
Or playing card games late at night
But we never had a song
And at the end
When all we did was fight
When we opened up old wounds
And you used my past against me
It took up all my mind,
And all I could think
Was that we'd never have a song.

Written for an old friend, an almost lover.

Marisa Lu Makil Aug 2021

I Never Stray

*******
For making me feel
Like everyone
Who says they love me
Is lying to my face
*******
For making me
Paranoid
About people leaving
And *******
Because even though it's been
8 years
8 **** years
I still feel
Like I'm not good enough
To make people want to stay
*******
And thank you
Because if you hadn't left
I would have fallen in love with you
And gotten hurt all over again.

To Tyler Thatcher. I hope you're happy now.

Marisa Lu Makil Jun 2021

My Soul to Take

I fell asleep praying for your soul
And when I woke, I prayed some more