Marisa Lu Makil

Marisa Lu Makil Aug 2019

Trust
That He will give you
Great blessings
In His own time.

Waiting on blessings is hard, but it's worth it. I need that reminder more than anyone.

Marisa Lu Makil Aug 2019

It took me a long time,
But it was in the calm of the morning
With the sun shining through my window
On a warm summer day
That made me realize
Maybe I'm okay with being alive
And for the first time in many years
Maybe I want to be

Marisa Lu Makil Aug 2019

Bottoms Up

Bittersweet pills
Sliding down
Useless
Like Apple bits
Coming back up
Another day
Of agony
But what do I fear more
Failure
Or success?

(Read caption)

11 years of no relief and I'd still rather be depressed than happy. I think a lot about who I would be if I were not sick. Every time someone gives me a new "obvious" medication, I'm excited and terrified that it will work and then I'll have to figure out who I am without my illness. I'm in constant pain, but at least it's constant. So few things are.

Marisa Lu Makil Aug 2019

Out of sight

All I want to do
Is tell someone
Scream to the world
How sad
And angry
And bitter
And hurt I am
But nobody is listening

Marisa Lu Makil Aug 2019

Codependency (All We Are pt. 8)

I always needed you more
Than you needed me
Wanted you more
It was like
I could feel you slipping
Between my fingers
And I'm sorry
That it made me
Jealous
And smothering
I miss you
But you're happy now
And that's all I really wanted

To someone I gave up: the bottom line is that I want you to be happy... Even if that means you're happy with someone else.

Marisa Lu Makil Aug 2019

Red Glasses

True love is
Wanting someone to be happy
Even if you're not the one who gets to
Make them happy.

Marisa Lu Makil Jul 2019

Barrier of Thoughts

And I see
Little miracles
Every day

Yesterday, I started off my morning by locking myself out of the house ($75 fine to have someone get me in), my car wouldn't start, and I lost my phone. I found my phone, they waived the fine to get me inside, and my car is starting just fine today. Don't tell me there aren't miracles. ;)