I am sick
Of feeling down
Like an anvil is on my chest

I am tired
Of your voice grinding my eardrums
Making me feel
Unworthy

I am done
With this lifestyle
That I have been living

I hate
This view
You have of me
As if I am less than dirt

You told me
To gain confidence
Learn to speak my mind

So this is me telling you
I'm sick of your lies
I'm tired of your voice
I'm done with this place
*I am done with you

We were nine
Can still remember
Our little hands parted
And you left
Went far away
I cried
And you weren't there

I got my first ever letter in the mail
It was from you
I sent one back the moment I'd read yours
But you didn't respond for months

I finally got to see you again
We spent days laughing
And then we had to leave, and you hardly said goodbye

We meet every year
Almost
I was always so excited to see you
But then one day
I ran into your house
And you weren't there
You were with someone else

We were eighteen
I was in Washington
You were in Ohio
Forever apart
And he left you
I was there

But later when my heart was broken
You weren't there

When I started volleyball
You weren't there

When I got my first
Amazing job
You weren't there

When I lost weight
I hadn't spoken to you in weeks
And I knew you were off work
And all I wanted to do
Was tell you
But you weren't there

Are you sensing a pattern?

I guess I'm just tired of being
Second
Always second

This wasn't meant to happen,
This fluttering called love
It all began one cold fall day
When you forgot your glove

I'd seen your face many times
You'd been in here before
Your order is "One large mocha,
And a number twenty-four"

You said your name was Adam
And I guess it's meant to be
Because my imaginary friend
Was Adam Backlebee

The day this all began,
Was blustery and cold
And neither one of us forknew
Your hand was mine to hold

"I'm sorry, please excuse me",
You muttered, passing by
But little did you know,
Your little grin had caught my eye

You smiled bigger, looking back
And then I was done for
Cupid's arrow of red hearts
Had pierced me to the core

And here we are, years later
And you're down on one knee
So here's to you, and here's to us
And our eternity

No matter how
Much sleep I get
No matter how many
Pills I take
I am still drifting
Through life
No, existence
As though I am
Watching the waves
Of pale snow wash
Over the ground
I am alone
I am cold
I am scared
And often times
I don't know if I'm really here
Or if I am only a dream
I didn't want this
I didn't ask for it
But now the screams
In my head
Grow ever louder
And the pain in my chest
Ever more bitter
All I wanted was
To live
Nay
To exist
But oh, Lord
What I must have done
To deserve life
In such a hell
As this

It started slowly
The impending doom
Something I knew
Was coming soon
I could feel it washing over me
Like the cold harsh waves
Of the ocean
Before a storm
And it's bitter,
This pill of mine
Sometimes it goes down sideways
And there are days
When I can't breathe
Other days
It's a little better
And my future days
Seem a little bit
Brighter
But the more I live
And love
The more I realize
That
I am broken
And I am afraid
And I am afraid of my brokenness