i tried to spend time with you inside my head
because i'm not important enough for you to give up a lunch break for
or to sleep beside on a 2 o'clock august afternoon as you make the light shine through my bedroom window.
brown was never my favorite color, until i saw your eyes through my tears.

                you think it's romantic to **** the girl that writes poetry about you.
                the first time we slept together you took your underwear off first.
                and kissed my forehead and told me you loved me.

i'm asked why i don't leave you
and i say i live in a house with too many rooms.
that i want everything to happen to me as it happens.
i think you have the most beautiful mind
you're the type of person that people write songs about
and stay up all night crying over
praying to their imaginary friend for the pain to stop.

If you would read my poems
and ask what they're about,
I would lie
and say
not you.

I sent you three poems
that reminded me of you
that were written by someone else
to remind you
that even after all that’s happened
you will always be important to me
that even after all that has
been left unsaid
sometimes someone else can
sum up
how I feel about you
better than I ever could.
and for once I am not
eagerly awaiting a response
from you
because I actually don’t need anything
from you anymore.

I am okay
without you. And
I really do hope you’re happy.

We are cousins
Related by blood
Growing up
Together
Like
Siblings.

But we are cousins
And cousins don't get jealous
Cousins don't cry
When the other
Loves another.

However we are cousins
And everything is wrong
You crave for the wrong
And I dread the fulfillment
From the sins
We are
Committing.  

"We are cousins, right?"

You say sweetly to me
We lay in bed together
Hands intertwined
Under the darkness
And the comfort
Of the thick blanket.

I say nothing
Uncurling my fingers from yours
I turn to
Face away
And shut my eyes.

It was dark
It was quiet
Yet it felt so bright
So noisy
Under the uncomfortable
Silence.

You say nothing to me
And wrap your arms around me.

I flinch.

A sweet whisper
Flows into my ears
Sweeter than any other

Simple words
Simple meanings
Time passes
New meanings.

Wrong meanings.

The hidden bitterness
Starts to show
I shake
Uncontrollably

I had no words to say
To the words you had
We are cousins
Relishing in our sins.

You, who wanted this to go on
I, who wanted this to all end.

You, whom I cared for so much because I watched you grow.
I, whom you needed wrongly and mistakingly.

*"I love you."