I loved you in the summer. When I was only a child then but you played with me and created fond and eternal memories.
I loved you in the fall. When the hard orange leaves crunched with every step I took. As I grew older and became a woman.
I loved you in the winter. With endless thoughts of you tied around my head. Wanting nothing more but to see you.
I loved you in the spring. Because that meant that summer was close. And the distance between us would become barely inches rather then countless miles.
I loved you infinitely with every gaping breath since the moment I met you.

It's that numb kind of sad.
The one that doesn't let you cry.
It wallows in your heart,
And withers your hope like dead trees

It's that crazy kind of sad.
The kind you can't escape.
No matter how hard you try.
It consumes your mind.
Causing insanity to arise.

It's that deep kind of sad.
That carves wounds into your chest,
And has you gasping for air.
Turning your stomach.
Making you shake.

It's the worst kind of sad.
It never waits.
Fast like poison.
Infects you in the worst ways.

And when that blade hits my soft skin.
Are when the tears from my eyes stop falling.
The screams from my lungs come to a silence.
My steady heartbeat comes to a slow halt.

Tell everyone its not their fault.
I loved them more then they could ever know.
Tell them that my head did it.
That it was all ****** up on the inside.
Yell to them that I had lost to myself.
And that it was okay.

And at my funeral.
Don't let people hate me for this.
or feel sorry.
I made this choice to leave.
Not for the selfishness that everyone thinks.
I walked away from the pain.
The pain within myself and the pain that I inflicted on others.
From the pain of the world and every sad set of eyes in it.

I suppose there is always the "brighter side" but what if it was all a lie?
Simple words to make people feel secure.
Everything is repetitive and you will do everything you hate.
Until the things that surround you drain you.
And you slowly but surely die.

I broke the mold.
I didn't want the things I hated make me die.
I didn't want to rot away.
I wanted to explode like a dying star.

So with you I leave my last and final wish.
If you happen to have something.
That makes your heart fill with light.
Never let it go and if you have no choice.
Don't let the aftermath consume you.
Nip it at the bud.

Walking outside.
Cold surrounds my body.
Covering me like a blanket.
Not a warm welcome.
a cold shove .
Shuttering through my skin.
So beautiful .
Yet so miserable.
So white.
Yet so black.
So pure.
Yet so corrupt.
These white flakes of snow.
freezing me to the soul.

I lost the sight of my destination.
I wander through life.
Screams of agony.
Tears of sorrow and confusion.
Corrupt my brain.
Weaken my soul.
Who I was is no longer.
Who I am is no where to be found.
Crawling to find security and comfort.
In someone else.
Because I can't in myself.

Yet after all these three years
You are still on my mind late at night. Call me crazy for still being in love.
Infatuated with someone so twisted and currupt. A person in my life who tore all my walls down and left me naked. For some reason I still cannot help myself. Maybe it's the memories of our daunting past. No, it can't be. I love who you are now. Broken and hopeless and even alone. Even with the world all turned against you. I still love you the same. Smiling or crying, or screaming in my face. I know there are other guys lining up at my door. But I don't care, because they don't matter. It's only you. It's always been you. You probably won't even glance at this little piece of mind I'm sharing. Sigh,  I probably sound bat **** crazy. But I can't get over you. So if by chance you hear me singing. Please make it to my door and tell me you don't feel the same way anymore. Then I swear to god I will walk away. But until that day, I will keep fighting. It's what I do. Because through every single thing. I still am hopelessly in love with you.

Stars fill the dark night sky.
Emptiness ceases me to cry.
My heart missing piece after piece.
Awaiting the feeling of being whole.
Of feeling your warmth apon my skin.
Or the gentle kiss on my lips.
I cannot bare this pain anymore.
Sobs of despair reach out from my lungs.
Laying under this street light hoping for death.
An escape from this eternal nightmare.
A life without you.
Is a life no longer worth living.
So I'll die at my own hand.
Then hopefully.
I will see you again.

I could trace your pains on your face
Your sunken cheek bones
blood shot eyes
Shadowed bags.
And to yet I still look into your deep gem green and see nothing but perfection.
The most handsome man to ever cross my path.
I am mesmerized by you.
Tranced.
You curve the outlines of my heart with your touch.
I could hold your hand forever
You are all I want
And all I'll need
You.