how could I
have lost myself
when you were
the one covering
everything up?

i sent you a text saying that we should take a break before you moved to new mexico the first time because I didn't know how to truly let you go (I still don't) and I didn't want to lose you completely because while I felt I was falling out of love, you were still my best friend, a rock, a safe place.  And I'm sorry it took so long to admit, that yes, i was falling out of love, but only the love we built around our youth, a haven for seventeen year olds that had roofs but wanted their own made of leaves and blankets, cologne and sweat. Yes, I fell out of love with adolescence but I still

love

you.

******* i know
i have definitely
given you more
than you probably
deserve but i am
somehow still
never enough
never enough
never enough
never enough
never

kids by mgmt on your
summer playlist, I remind
you of two (three?) summers ago, a
season with no year because
it's lost in the chaos of me trying
to hide your hickeys from kaitlin
all the so-called oldies, back when
we first had cars, had no jobs and
listlessly sweated the lyrics to all
the pretty girls by fun.