I wish you'd never give up on me,
just as much as i wish we could let each other go.
I'm so weak and unsure,
Only certain in the fact that i have always messed things up,
and the assumption that i will always continue to do so.
I only cry for myself or for you,
As if there were no greater tragedy in the world
than your absence and my own saddened heart.
You deserve so much more than me,
so much more,
but although i try,
It seems too hard to let you go and find it.
I hate being the bad guy
but it's gone too far for me to be the goodie again.

Dear R,
I hope you are doing well. I hope you are safe and happy and find all of the best things in life (i'd name them, but I haven't yet found them myself). I hope german life is treating you better than ever. I hope you make a million more friends there, though i don't really need to hope for, as you're sure to do it anyway. I hope you don't get too cold in winter. Make sure you have thick warm socks and sturdy boots. Sometimes it's best to walk on untrampled snow as it's less icy. I hope when you return here, or to Aus, you have a safe flight and get plenty of sleep. And that you don't get very jet lagged once you're home. I hope you read this. I hope you have a long happy and healthy life and you never want to die. I hope you wake up every morning smiling and go to sleep contented every night. I hope you feel full and content with everything you have in your life, and everything that is yet to come. I hope you stop feeling anxious. I hope you begin to understand how loved you are, by every person that has come in contact with your soul. I hope you realise how special you are, how unique, how kind and how loving. I hope you see how much you have to offer the world, and how happy you are able to make others. I hope every venture you undertake in life is successful. I hope i can visit your bakery one day. I hope you meet the most lovely girl, just like you, with an open heart and mind. I hope you fall deeply in love and reach a new level of happiness. I hope you spend many happy years together, perhaps marry, raise children and love them more than yourselves. I hope she is stable and has a good mind. I hope she is able to let herself be happy. I hope she doesn't doubt herself, hate anything or ever want to die. I hope you two never cry again. I hope she understands herself and her desires and her emotions. I hope she has feelings that never waver and are rational and make sense. I hope she is beautiful. I hope she never does anything to hurt or upset you, nothing silly or rash or unthoughtful. I hope she can plan a future with you that you both believe in, and that comes true. I hope she loves you unconditionally. I hope she holds your hand in public, and likes to play with your hair and that she's really good at video games. I hope you are happy. I hope she never lets you down.      All my love.

In this moment i feel nothing,
No love nor hate,
No fear nor triumph.
I lack motivation to do anything at all.
I lie awake in bed all day,
What reason was there to get up?
I am not happy,
But i am not sad.
I wonder if i am anything at all.

I have an all too eager heart,
And a mind that will fall time and time again,
For what it hears the heart murmur.
In the depths of a borrowed soul
Whispers of promise and improvement
Echo around the nothingness
Carved and hollowed out there,
Forming a great crevice.
I will fall in to it.
Watch where you place your feet,
Or you may follow me down.

I'm afraid of what these hands could do,
For you or to you,
And what they might accomplish
While your back was turned,
Or your eyes closed,
Or your mind off wandering.
It's a ******* misery
That we can't be.
But what if we were?
Would my stomach still eat itself with fear,
Would my nails still pick at my skin,
Would my mind still refuse to rest?
Or would perfection reign?
Rain over both of us
Till we were soaked through
And when we shook our bodies
Water flew from even our bones.

Kira is gone again,
Loose from his cage.
I don't understand how he manages it
But he squeezes himself between
Thin little bars
And enters the freedom of my bedroom
Time and time again.
I only catch him
With sweets and good luck.
He's a tiny little mouse,
Black and white speckled like a cow,
Such a sweet wee thing,
But much too adventurous for his own good.
I'm lucky he has a sweet tooth.

You ate too much candy,
Do you see, sir,
Where your teeth rot,
Where they fall from your gums
And land on the floor?
She's absent as your two front teeth.
She disappeared when you looked away.
She's off with someone else,
Don't you see?
Someone full of promise,
Someone more stable.
And he has all his teeth.