tie up the moon and throw it in the ocean.
fill it with all my emotions, experiences, loves, fears..
make the moon carry everything that my heart can no longer.
make the moon feel the emotions i hid under my skin.
make the moon cry, make her cry and throw her rain in every little white daisy that meets her way.
make the moon have the opportunity to be.
make the moon
live
make her just
be.

it never lasts you know?
that feeling. that feeling of excitement, enthusiasm, adrenaline, happiness.
that feeling of love.
none of that ever lasts.
and i keep asking myself: why?
why does this keep happening to me?
why can i be good enough for things to stay?
good enough for things to last?
and the answer cant be found anywhere.
not even in the countless nights ive stayed awake staring at my ceiling.
not even in every empty coffee cup thats been sitting on each corner of my house the past few weeks.
this answer, that i seek,
cant be found nowhere,
nowhere in the whole universe,
except your eyes,
a place im not allowed to look into.

you said you wanted to go home.
wanted some time to clean up your garden from all the broken sticks from the trees that were all over the place caused by the storm.
you said you wanted to go home.
feed your cats, draw on your night stand, while smoking a cig and looking at the stars.
you said you wanted to go home.
make yourself some pasta and waiting for the water to boil while overthinking and looking through the window above the sink of your kitchen.
you said you wanted to go home.
to clean up all the mess that Ive left behind, put the million pieces I broke back together.
you said you wanted to go home. and then i said i wanted to go home too.
so you agreed.
but what you missed is, when i said home, i didnt mean a building, neither a location. home is where people belong.
and i belong with you, my home- is you.
and i truly want to, go home.