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All day the idea danced in my head, Death could flow in like nothing. I could cease and in that maybe my head would stop hurting and my soul stop bleeding over my eyes. She ...HER, it doesn't seem fair that a young girl slipped into my heart and stomped out my fires as it they were nothing. She is cold and toyed with me as if I were a simile meant to be used and discarded. She wanted me to stay, and I would have. I wanted to be around her and let her **** everything about me that I thought I held dear. I wanted that, but I tried killing myself and other people intervened. My family traveled across the country and carried me home. I cried the entire way home. I bawled and screamed. HER, she hurts me still. I want to see her smile, and I know that she damages me. I want to say I am getting better each day that I am home, but its not true, each day I become number than the day before. I am shutting everything out and it is scaring me. The healthy things that used to bring me joy are becoming mundane activities.

I screamed at the moon and the stars the other night until my voice went, then I pounded my fists into the ground until I woke up face down. I am losing so much and I hate that I still love that girl. I would do anything for her. and because of that I am afraid I will not ever be whole again. I fell down this ****** rabbit hole called "love" and it left me battered and shattered. This isn't really a poem, But I wanted some people to know what I am going through even if you are only strangers on the internet. RIGHT now, this page is all I have. I love you for reading this far. and I am sorry this isn't a poem.
I was re-reading Perks of Being a Wallflower and that one line stuck out to me again "You accept the love you think you deserve". It stuck out again like it was the first time I read it. Maybe I needed to see the thing on paper again. Anyway I think I'll be better now.
Love's a funny thing
That makes your thoughts go fuzzy
Mine were short to begin with
And with you,
It's like I'm surrounded by
Lovely things
Things that used to seem bland
And useless
They become reanimated
With little traces of you
Everywhere I go,
I think.  

You are my rock
Not to sound cheesy
You keep me going
I crave your company
Each simple thing I do
Will never be enough
Nothing will amount
To your perfection
And every single day
I try.

I'm no good a poems
I like to draw
But every sketch of you
Doesn't come close
To those eyes
Those lips
That neck
Your smile
But all the while
I draw.

I sit alone feeling lost
With no arms around me
No one to whisper in my ear
But I think of you
You're always in my thoughts
No matter where you go
I remember.

I'm sorry my poem to you isn't so grand
Nothing about me is
So it makes me wonder why
Someone so perfect as you
Would settle for the
That is me

I may never know.
But I do know
I love you.
Oh, my love
If you were at the level of my madness,
You would cast away your jewelry,
Sell all your bracelets,
And sleep in my eyes.

— The End —