You stab me in the back with a knife,
and I apologize for bleeding on it.

She's just looking for attention
That has to be it, right?
Just a melodramatic girl
They ignore all the signs

She's just looking for attention
That's what they're all saying
It's funny how when it's all said and done
They'll cry that they didn't see it coming

She's just looking for attention
They yell "You shouldn't joke about suicide!"
She represses a bitter laugh and thinks
Too bad I won't see your reaction to the punchline

She reads
                                          And she sleeps
                                                      Way too much
                                                            ­           It's her coping defence
                                                                ­               When nothing else will suffice
                                                         ­               She needs to get away
                                                       Without actually leaving
                                             Because she's too scared
                                   And too tired
                                            To leave her bed
                                                      So she cracks open a book
                                                            ­     To escape somewhere far away
                                                            ­             And she'll sob for the characters
                                                      ­                       Whose brokenness resembles hers
                                                            ­                                   And then she'll sleep
                                                           ­                                   And have sweet dreams
                                                          ­              Of realities that are not her own
                                                       Because pretending is so much easier
                                                 Than facing reality
                             So she'll sleep and dream
          And secretly wish she won't wake up
So she can finally escape

When you die
Or on the line  between death and alive
They say you could see your life in those minutes
or hours you had your eyes close
You watched how you learnt to walk,
learnt to talk,
in school,
your first love,
your first heartbreak,
the first of everything,
and everything that made you smile
and cry
every spices that spiced up your life.

Every second you go through this
The urge to return to the time and turn back things
and do the other option
Grows stronger.

When you finished all your past
Here you are in the present.
You see your lifeless body
On the bed
The tears that escaped from the eyes who cared
And the truth behind the masks of people who you thought cared
Will this memory stays if you survive?

Going to the future
You witness your future if you survived
you see all the possibilities if you were there
on earth
And you would plead to God to wake you up from this dream
Open your eyes
and you shall live those days again
Let yourself suffer for awhile
and taste the sweetness of happiness.

In every minute and every second
The bad dreams would not stop
All you want was for God to stop it
and wake you up
Every minutes of your life
Flashes before your eyes
The years you went through
Passed by
During the hours you stood in between death and alive
and when God answers your prayer
you woke up
with hopes
And from there you had faith to cherish your life.

Even though the shore hates getting wet
The waves would not stop throwing water
Because the waves know what the shore could hold
And so does God
The sadness and the problems you are given
The obstacles you have to go through
Are only tests to see if you're ready
Ready to face the never-ending happiness
In the future.

You said in sickness and in health
but lately the latter has been slipping.
My "shining star" within is now a dark star,
leaving destruction in its path,
invisible to the naked eye.

There is a weight on my shoulders
that looks like pebbles to you,
yet it feels like a monster to me.

It pushes down as you drag it around
yet no one else can see the struggle.
Woven together by flaw after flaw,
is this why this monster has latched on to me?
The daily struggle goes on.

Yet when doctors say they can make the monster go away
I hold onto it, squeezing it tight,
as it's the only thing I know.

*As it's what you know best that you're most comfortable with.
Good or bad.