Buried deep
hidden inside, so far down you almost forgot it was there.
almost but not completely forgotten

something you are so afraid of,
so ashamed for anyone else to see
it's so hard to let it out,
so hard to just try to live with it,

but once it's out
you will be free
it will no longer haunt you, you will be free
just let it out, let your self be free

I'm afraid to get close to you
I'm afraid to open up to you
I'm afraid to let you in
I'm afraid that when I wake up
       you won't be there
I'm afraid this was all just a dream
I'm afraid that this was real
I'm afraid that you'll realize
       you can do so much better
I'm afraid to let you see the real me
I'm afraid I won't be good enough
I'm afraid you'll leave me
       and take my heart with you
I'm afraid to hold you close but
I'm also afraid to let you go
I'm afraid of it all
But mostly
I'm afraid I'll never meet you
I'm afraid you don't exist
I'm so afraid

I'm glad I have a friend like you

you always know the right thing to say
when i'm feeling down

I'm so happy that we met

You do the silliest thing
and always make me laugh
even when I don't think that I can

A friend like you is one in a million

we talk about any and everything
even though i'm 2,000 miles away

You're my best friend.

I don't know what I would do without you
you keep me sane and crazy all at once.

You're one of the most average people I know

We are average together
my Russian comrade
I don't know what I would do if I didn't have you

Not to get all mushy, but I love you buddy.
Stay average forever!

Lost in another world.
One filled with love and happiness.
One that has forgiveness.
A world with no regrets.
And then you stop reading
Returning to reality.
A reality filled with fear and hate
One with no mercy
A world full of regrets.
So you start reading again
Trying to lose yourself in a book
That way you don't have to remember
But no matter how much you read
You can't ever forget

Clammy hands
Fumbling fingers
Shuddering breaths
Then the pounding of your heart
Where there was total confidence
There is now nothing but doubts
Eating away at you
What seemed like a good idea
Now seems like the biggest of mistakes
Can't take it back
Have to live with the consequences
Made your choice
Now live with it
Was it worth the risk to your heart?

I can't look at you
without seeing him.

I can't look at you
without remembering.

I can't look at you
without everything haunting me.

I can't look at you.
I just can't look at you.

Waiting for things to change.
Waiting for things to get better.
Gotta stop waiting
Gotta make things better.
I need help
I need you
Please be there for me always
Please don't  ever leave me
Make me yours
Make me special
I need you
I love you
Don't  leave me all alone
Not again
I won't  survive

she's standing there holding him as he cries
and over his head she is staring at me
I can't tell what's in her eyes
I can't tell if it's pity or anger or maybe
     it's understanding

I'm standing there hugging myself
she's standing there holding him as he cries

and at first I'm numb inside,
and then I feel it
it's bubbling up inside me trying to get out.
But I can't let it out
this isn't about me

and then I run because I see something in her eyes
that I can't accept yet
I run as far as I can
not seeing what's around me

All I see,
is her holding him as he cries

it should be me holding him,
but it's my fault he is crying
it's my fault that I'm laying here cold and alone

I should be with him
instead I'm laying here
waiting for someone to find me
or for everything to just fade to black

I was running, running from everything
and now for my stupidity
I'm laying here
cold and alone

i saw nothing around me
until it was to late

I always see it when it's too late
but this will be the last time

and still all I really see
is her holding him as he cries

It seems like forever since I last saw you
But really it was only yesterday
How could things have changed so much
In so little time
And how could I have thought this wouldn't change anything
I don't know
Of course it would
I guess this is the end, right
That's what you've come to tell me
I can see it in your eyes
Please just tell me
I want this to be over
You won't have to see me again
All I ask is that you don't forget
It wasn't all bad
I'll always remember
So please don't ever forget.

And just before he feel asleep
He whispered
"You're just as lost as I am"
It's the sadest yet most sweet
Thing anyone has said to me.
Just knowing that there really is
Someone just like me
Lost and alone
Even though we are surrounded
By those that say they love us.
You listened
Even though you barely know me.
You held me while I cried
And just let me be.
Not trying to give me empty words.
Giving me comfort without even trying to.
You let me in and held my hand.
It was lovely
I will never forget.
Thank you
It means more than you will ever know.

I'm being eaten alive
from the inside out.
i can feel it
It's oozing and festering
trying to consume me.
I close my eyes
and I can see it
this little monster
growing bigger by the day
Glowing eyes,
a grin filled with mischief
covered in pus and boils
It's filled with
my rage and sorrow.
it feeds off of all my negative emotions.
I try to hide it
to close it off from the rest of me.
It just makes it worse
I'm afraid to let it out
but it's boiling over
it's consuming me
Eating me alive from the inside out
Until I am nothing.

I wanted fireworks
I wanted something magical to happen
I wanted
I don’t know what I wanted
Whatever it was, I didn’t get it

Instead, I got the awkward meeting of our lips
The hesitant movement of hands
The feeling of something not quite right
I tried so hard
Forcing things to happen

It wasn’t meant to be,
But we tried anyway

We both tried
Knowing it would be nothing more than that one time
Was it worth it?
Should it have happened?
Should I have let it happen?

Six months later you bring it up again
Asking what I thought about it
Did I have fun?
Was it good?

I was honest
I told you what I felt
I told you
But you didn’t say what you  thought.

Whatever it was I was expecting,
I didn’t get it
No fireworks
No magic
Not even a spark

A few kisses
Not much more
It wasn’t right
It wasn’t what you wanted
It wasn't what I thought it would be

But now I know
I won’t regret it
It’s what I wanted at the time but,
I think our time ran out before it even started.

You see the smile,
You hear the laughter.
I show you who I wish I was.
Not who I am.
You don't see my tears.
You don't hear my sobs.
I don't show you, what I really am.
I hide all my broken pieces.
I hide my tears and smother my sobs.
Mostly though,
I hide me

Alone with no hope.
No hope of somehow,
getting better.
So alone, it hurts
Trying so hard, so hard
to make it work.
To make it better,
to make it stop.
Broken, so broken
there is no chance
of fixing it.
With no will to fix it.
Broken, Shattered,
with no hope.
Damaged beyond repair.
and sadly I no longer care.
Fixed, broken,
It doesn't matter,
because in the end,
I'm still alone.

Can you see inside me
To that place
Where all my fears live and grow
Eating away at me.
Have you seen
That place inside me
So full of darkness
And hate
So much hate it's hard
So hard, to hard to hide it.
A place filled with bitterness
And cold.
A coldness so strong
It seems nothing can melt it.
Have you seen that place inside me?
A place that scares me
And will never be filled with light
Can you see it?
It's such a small part of me
But it's filled with all the things
I try to hide from everyone
Especially from myself
I don't know how to change it
Can you see it?

You walk by,
        as if I am
        unimportant and
        nonexistant.
You walk by,
        like I never mattered
        like I was never special to you
        like I mean nothing.
You walk by,
        seeming oblivious
        to my tear filled gaze
        full of sorrow.
You walk by,
        like we never happened
        like my whole world was never
        turned upside down.
You walk by,
        and just keep walking.
Just as I turn away,
        you turn back and
        this time you watch
        as I just keep walking.

Maybe you didn’t mean it the way I took it
Maybe it came out wrong
Maybe you didn’t realize how that would sound
Maybe you didn’t....
and maybe I’m just delusional
Maybe I’m just making excuses for you again
Maybe I just don’t want to believe it
Maybe this is just wishful thinking
You knew what you were saying
You knew how it would sound
You knew how I would take it
You knew....
and you did it anyway
You’ll never change
Neither will I
I’ll just keeping making excuses for you
But maybe...
Maybe this time I won’t
Maybe this time I’ll fight back
Maybe this time I won’t just stand there and take it
Maybe this time....
Maybe just maybe
You never know
Because I just can’t stand it anymore
Maybe this time I’ll be the one to just get up and go
Maybe this time I’ll be who I want to be, not who you think I am
Maybe this time I’ll be who I want to see in the mirror, not what you want to see
You’re unbelieavable
You ruin everything
You should just go
Maybe I’ll finally tell you these things
Maybe I’ll finally tell you how I feel
Maybe I’ll finally tell you what’s on my mind
The only hope for me is to get over you
To make you just another memory
Maybe just maybe

I found someone that doesn't want to fix me
Someone that doesn't want me to be perfect "because perfect is boring"
That finds me wonderful just the way I am
That doesn't want me to cover my cracks and scars
And when I ask why I'm told that they make me who I am and he     doesn't want me to be anyone else
I don't know how I got so lucky to find my guy,
But I am so glad I finally did
He's not perfect, but he's exactly right for me
He doesn't want me to be perfect
He just wants me
He makes me laugh and smile
Most of all he makes me happy.
Even if I could, I wouldn't change my past because then I might not be  here with my guy
And I wouldn't trade him for anything in the world.

Do you understand their meaning
Do you realize what important words they are
Are you able to accept them because, I mean them.
You've known me all your life,
but you know nothing about me.
And I, I know everything about you.
I know every secret, everything.
We are best friends and you know nothing.
Do you realize, I've been there for every heart break
I've been your support for every single one,
and there have been so many.
Do you realize that I've had just as many?
Each time you found someone new.
Each time you fell for that wrong one
and I had to put you back together
I lost just as much as you did
My heart broke watching you with each one that came and went,
but I'm tired of waiting for you to notice me,
and now someone has found in me
what you saw in all those other girls.
Something worth going after,
something special.
They see each and every scar you left in my heart
and they are fixing me.
I love you still.
You will always be my first love,
but you won't be my only one.

You say you want me,
        But not for forever.
You say you need me,
        But not for forever.
You say you love me,
        But not for forever.
You fill me with hope,
        But you will yank it all away when you are done with me.
You tell me such sweet lies,
        But you are just slowly breaking my heart with each word.
You say you love me, you need me, you ask me to be yours,
        *But not for forever.

To be me ,the one that sees but is never seen
Lies or truth who can tell
Am I what they see or something more
someone calls, but they do not hear me cry out
Is this real or just my dream
pain means nothing
defeated once again by nothing
love, life, home, peace
does any of this exist
what does it mean
can this truly be what was meant for me

You made me feel special
Like I was worth something
To you I was not just pretty
But perfect

I thought it would mean something
I thought what we had was special

I was wrong

You told me all the right things
You held me close as we danced
You knew exactly what to do
You took care of me

But when it was all said and done
I wasn't all that special
I wasn't pretty or perfect
I wasn't anything special

It meant nothing to you
I meant nothing to you
We had nothing

You made me feel cheap
*****, used.
I didn't matter
In the next room, totally forgotten

Out of sight out of mind

It was my fault,
Just as much as it was yours
I will own it
I will move past it

I will pick up my broken pieces
And keep moving forward

No matter what,
I refuse, to let you make me feel worthless
I refuse to let this break me.

I don't need you
To make me feel special
But for that one night,
I wanted to be something special to you.

Unrequited love
Broken friendship
Absent father

Trying to get though them as best you can

A broken heart
A battered soul
A shattered mind

Can't get through them
They've happened one too many times.

Pop the top,
take a drink.

Sit back, relax,
close your eyes.
All is well.

Pop the top,
take a drink.

Let your drink
slide down your throat
to wash away your day.

Pop the top,
take a drink.

Just one more.
It doesn't matter.
Not with a drink in your hand.

Pop the top,
take a drink.

One last drink.
Just one more.
Always one more.

Pop the top,
take a good look.

Is this what I've become?
Always needing one more,
taking one more drink
to numb the pain.

Pop the top,
pour it down the drain.

One more drink
will make me numb,
but it won't change a thing.

Pop the top.

Close your eyes,
take a breath.

It's gonna be alright.
It's gonna be ok.

Let it out.

Pop the top,
not on a bottle,
but on your emotions.

Pop the top,
let it out.

Let the memories,
be washed away,
with one last good-bye.

Pop the top,
put it down,
walk away.

I'm scared
Scared of all the unknown
Scared of change
Scared of failure
     ...and of success
All the "what ifs"
They terrify me
I can't get back what I've lost
I don't know what I'm doing
I need help
I won't ask for it

Songs about Hate, about Hope.
Songs about Love, about Life.
Songs about Heartache.
Songs about Everything.
Songs that make you Laugh
Songs that make you Cry.
Songs to calm your Nerves.
Songs to heal your Aching Heart.
Songs, so many songs.
They are everything.
Giving you another chance to start over.
I'm falling apart,
So I play another song to help me fix my broken heart.

Headphones in
Music blaring
Deaf to the world
Trying to forget
Trying to remember
Not quite able to do either
Thinking to much
Missing someone you barely know
Trying to remember
Trying to forget
Not quite able to do either
Lost in a daydream
Fantasizing about what could be
Wishing and hoping for more
Trying to be content
Not quite there
Headphones in
Music blaring
Deaf to the world
Missing someone you barely know
Trying to remember
Trying to forget
Not quite able to do either
Turn the music up
Close your eyes
Think of what could be
Wishing and hoping for more
Missing someone you barely know
Trying to remember
Trying to forget
Fantasizing about what could be
Lost in a daydream
A gorgeous smile
A heart-clenching laugh
Brief moments shared
Shameless flirting
Harmless innuendos
A handsome face
A great smile
Full of compliments
Headphones in
Music blaring
Deaf to the world
Missing someone you barely know
Fantasizing about what could have been
Lost in a daydream
Trying to remember
Trying not to forget
Smiling the whole time

How can I learn to trust you,
            if you don't talk to me?
How can I learn more about you,
           if you don't talk to me?
I want to feel special, wanted.
          Will you make me feel this way?
Will you accept me for who I am,
          no matter what?
Will you keep my secrets?
          Will you make me feel safe?
Will you lie to me?
          Will you avoid me?
Will you make me love you,
         then break me heart?

What do you see
When you look inside me?
What do you see
When you look in my eyes?
Can you see
The scared little girl
I was growing up?
Can you see
All my insecurities?
Can you see
All my secrets?
What do you see
When you look at me?
What do you see
When I stand all alone?
Is it a girl
So lost and afraid
She can't look you in the eye
and ask for help?
Is it a woman
Strong and confident
In who she is
And what she wants?
What do you see?
What do you see?
A strange mix of both?
Neither?
What do you see
When I finally,
Look you in the eye?
Can you see
All my broken pieces?
All the scars?
All the things
I've tried to hide?
Can you see it all?
Or
Is that just
What I see
When I finally
Manage to look at me?

You can't know how much this hurts,
Knowing that nothing I do or say will fix it.
Knowing that no matter how I try,
it will never bring back what was lost,
It will never fix that broken part of us.

I wake sometimes, hoping this was just a dream,
wishing that somehow things were different.

You used to be so full of life,
it was hard to keep up with you
and now, you go through life as if it were a chore.

Oh, how I want to take back that day.
That one careless act, that changed everything.
To make things better for you,
to fill you with life again.

If I could I would in a heartbeat.
I would do anything, to fix this.
But nothing I do or say will fix
what I did so thoughtlessly.

I can see the pain return to your eyes,
every time you look at me.
I can hear it in your voice,
every time you talk to me.

So I will go and never come back.
I will leave so that you won't have to
relive that pain every time you see me
Just know that I will love you
*Always