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Maria Rodriguez Sep 2012
I'm scared
Scared of all the unknown
Scared of change
Scared of failure
     ...and of success
All the "what ifs"
They terrify me
I can't get back what I've lost
I don't know what I'm doing
I need help
I won't ask for it
Maria Rodriguez Sep 2012
Sometimes I wish I could simply stop thinking.
Stop all the thouhts that are whizzing around in my brain.
Stop all the worrying and pointless self-indulgent fantasies
   That creep through my head.
I wish that I could have some sense of peace or at least  be content with myself.
To not be embaressed or selfconscious.
To all ways wonder what others think of me.
To not constantly wonder... whats wrong with me.
To simply stop everything.
All these false hopes and
   stupid wishes only hurt me more later
They build me up so high...  
And then I fall.
I pick myself up and try so very hard not to let it happen again
But no matter what I do
It still happens.
And each time it gets worse and worse.
I hardly have enough time to mend before I'm falling again.
Until finally I just stop getting up.
Laying there broken with my stupid thoughts
Wishing they would simply stop
Aug. 23,2012
Maria Rodriguez Aug 2012
Wasted breath
Hollow words
Words with no meaning,
Except for you
... For you they mean  everything
Everything... and nothing at all
Nothing, because no one
will give them to you
Everything, because they are
the words you live to hear
They are the words you strive to achieve.
They are your goal.
To have someone hear them and understand
That one person will understand and say them back
and then finally you will finally understand their meaning.
Once you understand
then it will all make sense.
Why you spent so long waiting to hear them
and why they mean so much even though
you don't completely understand why you need them so much.
      "I want you, I need you, please just be mine!"
Maria Rodriguez Aug 2012
It seems like forever since I last saw you
But really it was only yesterday
How could things have changed so much
In so little time
And how could I have thought this wouldn't change anything
I don't know
Of course it would
I guess this is the end, right
That's what you've come to tell me
I can see it in your eyes
Please just tell me
I want this to be over
You won't have to see me again
All I ask is that you don't forget
It wasn't all bad
I'll always remember
So please don't ever forget.
Aug.29,2012
Maria Rodriguez Aug 2012
Lost in another world.
One filled with love and happiness.
One that has forgiveness.
A world with no regrets.
And then you stop reading
Returning to reality.
A reality filled with fear and hate
One with no mercy
A world full of regrets.
So you start reading again
Trying to lose yourself in a book
That way you don't have to remember
But no matter how much you read
You can't ever forget
Maria Rodriguez Apr 2012
You can't know how much this hurts,
Knowing that nothing I do or say will fix it.
Knowing that no matter how I try,
it will never bring back what was lost,
It will never fix that broken part of us.

I wake sometimes, hoping this was just a dream,
wishing that somehow things were different.

You used to be so full of life,
it was hard to keep up with you
and now, you go through life as if it were a chore.

Oh, how I want to take back that day.
That one careless act, that changed everything.
To make things better for you,
to fill you with life again.

If I could I would in a heartbeat.
I would do anything, to fix this.
But nothing I do or say will fix
what I did so thoughtlessly.

I can see the pain return to your eyes,
every time you look at me.
I can hear it in your voice,
every time you talk to me.

So I will go and never come back.
I will leave so that you won't have to
relive that pain every time you see me
Just know that I will love you
*Always
Maria Rodriguez Mar 2012
You've found someone new.
You've replaced me.
I am no longer you're one and only.
It's taken me this long to finally see you
and now that I see you,
it's too late, you've moved on.
With each one that came and went
you were always there.
You put me back together and fixed me,
putting more of yourself in my heart.
Now that you're gone,
who will put me back together,
after my heart finishes breaking over you?
I know so much about you,
but really I know nothing at all.
Please don't leave me all alone.
Put me back together with more of you,
so that we can always be one.
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