Blonde hair, blue eyes
Freckled map upon your face
The brightest smile anywhere
They can see it out in space
A goddess so untouchable
Do you even know?
The things you do
When you walk by
Be it fast, or be it slow

A wisp of hair
A tilted head
A neck so long and sleek
A t-shirt with a stretched v-neck
That gives us a slight peek
Hands so slim
So delicate
They would snap
Given the chance
I would give my life
to hold you
Perhaps to even dance

Open up your heart
See if there is room
For someone other than yourself
In that dark and lonely room
Mere mortal men
they pile up
As you just break their hearts
So open up that one of yours
And make room for cupid's dart

Golden hair, just perfect
A diary of your day
Filled out in swirly writing
little hearts along the way
The page is full of what you did
But, it doesn't tell the tales
Of the destructive path you carved among
The audience of males
The ones who do your bidding
Pay your way
Carry torches
The ones who want nothing more
Than to sit with you
on their front porches

Like Taylor Swift
you cut and run
Leaving damage in your wake
They all get hooked
Upon your act
Before it is too late
A siren without water
No rocks to crush their dreams
But, still you leave the burned out hulls
Of these young men in the streams
They fall for that cute smile
And the slightest hint you drop
That you may have room inside you
To let them in, but then you stop
Are you scared or just inhuman
Have you feelings for someone
Other than yourself I mean
Are you happy when you're done
You move on through the world you've made
An ice queen on her throne
Is it fun up in your tower
Are you truly happy all alone

Open up your heart
See if there is room
For someone other than yourself
In that dark and lonely room
Mere mortal men
they pile up
As you just break their hearts
So open up that one of yours
And make room for cupid's dart

You only live once...
More commenly known as YOLO
God, I'm such a nerd...Did I actually just say that?
...well that's new...

Anyways...
Though the song actually doesn't serve this message much good, (but has the capacity to get stuck in my head ALL THE TIME) this message is quite true.

I've been spending far too much time moping around about how my dreams never come true and a bunch of **** that means the world to me now and won't matter later....

I know this isn't poetry, but I wanted to get this out and write something that felt personal... Something that felt like me talking...almost...

So I realized that we really do only live once (duh) and that I don't want to follow the standard little path we're all started on and brainwashed into thinking  leads to success. I don't want to have a ton of money but hate what I do. Really, I'd rather just be happy.

When I'm older, I want to look back at my life and be proud of myself. I want to look back and think that I lived a happy life.

So I know I'm young. I know that 20 years from now I won't remember the cold winter night at 2:17 am that I wrote this. I won't remember why I had a crush on that one boy in 8th grade.

But, I will remember being happy, or more commenly unhappy and I don't like being unhappy, no one does.

Something's wrong and I think it's time to stop acting like it's not.

So yeah, I'm young. I've got a long road behind me and an even longer one ahead. I've got a lot of choices and mistakes to make. I've got a lot of things to fix.

I've got a pile of homework to catch up on, and a couple thousand ideas to write down.

It used to be when I grow up, I want to be a doctor.
An astronaut.
A figure skater.
A singer,
A gymnast,
A doctor,
President,
And so on,
But at this point, I want to be happy.

There are thoughts,
Swirling around in my head,
Meaningful things,
That I left unsaid.

Glimmering lights from the powerful skyline,
reflected like jet flames in the River Thames.
Lights multiplied by the flash of a camera,
capturing beauty in it's searching lens.

I wasn't so sure of here before,
but now I know there will always be
a place in my heart for this great city.
A home, a hub for the bustling race.

Some say mind over matter,
I say heart over mind,
but my heart has learned to love
that which my mind has made a matter.

There are dark parts in my mind.
Untraveled little crevices in which my most terrifying dreams dwell.
But there are even more things that I don't say.
Things I won't,
Things I can't.
Until of course I crack and the whole facade comes tumbling down,
Unveiling the walls that I worked so hard to keep up on the inside.

Sometimes I'm my best friend.
Sometimes I'm my worst enemy.
Sometimes I tear myself down.
Self doubt.
Until my barriers are crashing down.

But they mustn't get to me.
So I build up the walls,
Brick
By
Brick
Until I cannot hear anything,
Except the blood rushing in my head.

The lines on my hands are dotted,
and I’m waiting in vain to fill the space with some clarity.

I see a level head, yet my heart line looks faulty and untrusting.
Criss-crosses are etched into the line of my life.
Weaving themselves outward, they touch each aspect of my being-
Representing deep waters from out of the blue; which subsequently alters
until I’m submerged in wisdom.

Although my hands are a gift in the way of my future,
I’m stuck in this present moment- wandering.
I try to listen but fear that I won't hear is trapped in my ears.
I look to my treading feet...
they won’t speak.

In the silence of myself i’ll find truth that not even time will tell.
Seek answers within, search no longer.
In, out.
My breath, eloquent in all its simplicity,
gives me a map of the wind’s movement, the earth’s energy
and my soul’s path.

I dreamed that I kissed you.
You were as shocked as I was.
"I'm not sorry," I whispered as I walked away.

I need to leave.
I need to go somewhere the helps me,
Not hurts me.

I need to push.
I need to get myself out there and be seen,
Not ignored.

Something needs to happen,
I hope you can understand.