Why I’ve fallen in love with you

I doubt I’ll ever know for sure

Perhaps it was the way you lay your head on my shoulder complaining you’re tired

Or the little yellow circles in your green eyes.

Maybe it was the way your name just rolled off my tongue

So easily…

Like I could say it a million times in a day

And never tire of the sound.

Perhaps it was because you were there.

Under any circumstance

You were there to comfort me.

Maybe it was how you managed to stand out in the crowd.

Everyone gathered around to listen to your odd tales

And to me your voice was like an orchestra of violins

Perhaps it’s because you’re my opposite

You are there to compliment my timid personality

And laugh at my dry humor when nobody else understands.

Maybe I just could not resist your pale freckled skin

And your shaggy red hair.

How it perfectly fell around your face.

Perhaps it was all of those things

Wrapped up into one.

Why did I fall in love with you?

Perhaps I’ll never know.

All I really know is all of the love songs remind me of you

I realize I’m sounding cliché…

I’m picturing us in every romantic scenario

And I get upset just at the thought of your absence.

So perhaps you’re also going through your list of perhaps.

Wondering how you fell for me

And thinking maybe it was because of my timid presence in a crowd…

Or my big brown eyes.

Whatever it is,

You have this overwhelming feeling.

So perhaps…

Just perhaps you love me too.

I want you to know you're better than the hospital bed you're lying in,
than the life you've been leading or the cuts on your hands.
"Just went a little too hard, I guess."
You guess.
Well, as long as I know you're going to be okay
then I won't feel so bad when I say
*******,
******* for scaring me with the telephone ring I wasn't expecting
from my best friend who got the ambulance call at four in the morning-
"Something's not right" she told me.
So I ran over here because I became somebody through loving you
even though I promised myself I wouldn't let you
bother me anymore with beating yourself up.
I came in my sweatpants with the mismatched socks and my white ghost
following me to the elevator trying to bring my void to the surface
so it could remind me how empty I feel without recognizing
how much I'm always going to care about you.
And to see you in that light yellow room with the nurse outside the glass,
breathing through the oxygen tubes with your dad and step mom
whispering to your sister in the corner
"How could we let this happen?" or hanging their heads with "didn't we see the signs?"
It made me so angry seeing them wipe their sweaty palms on their
shouldn't be guilty faces,
because it isn't their fault.
But should I feel selfish for wanting to punch you when you were down?
For wanting to yell at you when you were clinging on to an opening?
"I'm fine, don't you see that?"
No.
I'm not wrong for telling you the things you don't want to hear.
Because you are better
than this.
You are better than the things you can't see right now.
You are better than the road your choices are leading you on.
"I'm 19, it doesn't matter."
And so I'll yell at you until you get it.
I'll face you until the reality sets in.
I'll be here to fade through the pamphlets you're getting
on how to cure something you thought you'd never have.
I'll sponsor the recovery you don't want,
and I'll make sure you heal from everything that's damaged you
until you understand
that you
are better
than this.

Nobody won;
We all lost.
But who cares.
Game Over

My ears are constantly ringing.
It's my mind,
Trying to match a sound to this awful silence.

Touch me,
it doesn't matter where
and it doesnt matter how
I need to know I'm still alive
so someone touch me now
Shake my hand and say hello
or pat me on the back
kiss me on the cheek
that I may feel this sense I lack
slap my face and pull my hair
make me bleed I just don't care
dig your nails into my skin
so I can feed this need within
I've been numb for such a time
that even pain would be sublime
so touch me, touch me now
I don't care where, I don't care how

And we're just 4 friends,
Running around like a bunch of 10 year olds,
Growing up in the 90s.