Lead me to the darkness where
I will find my nightmare
So I can face it myself


In a battle of the wits
I will throw at it my sticks
The same ones that were thrown at me before.
I will sharpen them on stone,
Made of crystal and of bone,
The same one that has hurt me before.


But
We all know those don’t hurt as much,
As the words too sharp to touch,
That our enemies bestowed upon us.

So, I will think of every hurtful word
Every memory, every holler
Snicker, whisper ever heard.
I will cast it towards the darkness
Hoping it will hit as hard as it once did.
But with my mind and vision blurred
With hatred I once deterred
I will not realize what I have done.

At once, the light inside my soul
The one that shone throughout my struggles
The one that emanated through my bones
At once, it will dim and hardly glow

A cloud of chaos will surround
My body as I try to hear my own sounds
The ones I hurled at the night
At the enemy I thought I was supposed to fight

I will walk throughout the night,
Hoping someone will hear my plight,
I will walk and walk
Until I feel the pain

Of thousands of stones
Of millions of words
Of many sticks thrown at my bones
Until I realize at last,
The nightmare of my past,
The one that haunted my dreams,
That nightmare I was fighting,
I am now that nightmare,
The nightmare is me.

Why is it that
Whenever I have what everyone else wants
I still pine for what I had before?
Why is it when someone clearly loves me
I want those who don't anymore?
My heart hurts for every connection I've made
and lost
Every person, seemingly insignificant,
Is never just a person to me.
Everyone I meet, even for a moment
is important because I met them.

I hate how people purposely forget about people
Without letting those people know why
I hate how, to make ourselves feel better,
we push people away, instead of having
a human conversation and finding
light inside someone
that will bring us together.

I wish my brain could let my lips say
what they mean to the first time
Instead of shying away and never telling a soul
So I resort, to pen and paper,
To heal my wounds and spill my soul.

Lights,camera....
Watching people
People watching
Letting them pass
instead of acknowledging our connection
there's Timothy, we're in the same class ,
he doesn't know, but I think it's adorable
that he always forgets his calculator and asks for mine.
there's Lianne, we went to high school together, but now
we pretend we've never met,
turning our heads at the just the right angle,
so our eyes won't ever pass by each other, god forbid.
Clean slate, this college is.
Lights, camera...yet no action.
Here's Ronda. I want to tell her how beautiful she is
So she believes in herself.
But I just sit here.
People watching.
College campuses have a knack
of giving us windows to stare out of,
but no doors to lead us where we want to go.

beats.
bass.
bass beats.
bass beat bass beat.
the bass beats along with my heart.
the beat baselining my emotions.
the bass beats my body against yours.
the bass beats me.
unrelenting
my emotions run wild

Am I in a club dancing to beats
or dancing while the club beats me?
beats. beats. beats me.
hypnotized by beats and bass
mind and body control
out of my own control
beat bass beat bass.
bass beat. beat. beat.
its beating me.

You stare up at me, looking for answers.
But little do you know,
I am holding on to my insecurities for dear life.
My grey complexion is trying so hard
to cover up the truths I cannot swallow.
I am angry, sad, hopeful, in love, but
clouds can't have emotions right?
well
what do you think rain is for?
I stare back down at you because you
don't realize how similar we are.
But I'm just water vapor in the sky...
Well you're just a carbon-based life form.

The heart and the brain are at war

The beat goes to the synapses and makes them snap

The rubber band on the makeshift guitar

Plays a melody only the fingers understand.

The lips blow bubbles into the sky

Hoping they turn into balloons that cannot pop.

The candy store closes 3 hours too early

Because customers don’t want rotten teeth

But rotten hearts come from lack of childhood dreams

The apple core is thrown an inch from the wastebasket

The flies won’t devour it,

Because why consume what has already been consumed?

The consumers shop at flashy malls hoping to validate their originalities

With cookie cutter brand names.

The housewife in the kitchen bakes cookies without chips

Because chocolate can only appear when happiness is readily available

Her brain and heart at war, not over emotion, but rather out of obligation

Just Wait
Time will tell when
William Tell will attempt to shoot an arrow  
through your heart.

If he misses,
you are doomed
to a life of solitude and faithless trysts
trust is a hit-or-miss.

If it pierces through,
you are condemned to a life attached
like a leech to
some being whose
too tight embraces
take your breath away.

Wait….just…
Listen.
The wind is blowing
sweeping you
off your feet.
You’re head-over-heals
in over your head
falling into a pit of
broken promises.
Only to rake them up again.

Just
Realizations that
****** should
be punished
even if it’s  metaphorical.
For hearts can die
and are just as hard
to resurrect
as burning stakes
which were once *****.

Wait…
all hope is not lost
for loss cannot be
everlasting
unless…
Will’s arrow was
tipped with
poison
that which makes
all mortals quell.
But one can never know
in certainty
until that day
occurs

Just witness….
til then
dear friend
my sustainer of life
I’ll feed you elixirs to save you
from bleeding
out your memories.
For sewing you up,
is merely temporary

I’ll force-feed you
vitamin D until you
agree to be blissful again
and I’ll be able to tell when
your generic smile dresses your
sorrows in brighter colors

Justice wades
in deeper waters
but once you reach it
it’s worth all the effort
in the world.