I'm floating on top of water
Hands
mysteriously emerge
from the surface
they envelope me
and try to pull me down
below
I fight them off
they disappear
but they return
time after time I fight them off
but this time is different
The hands have left scars and bruises
Battle scars
My body is sore and broken
The hands pull me under
with little effort
for I have lost
the strength
to fight

In the empty night I long to hold you until I've recognized every subtle movement of the beating heart within your warm chest
I want to count the seconds between your breaths
feel your lungs expand and compress
whenever my hands wrap around you tight
I want to see the light
in your eyes
rise and subside
as the changing of tides
when my eyes set onto yours
I want the floor
to disappear beneath my feet
every time you speak
I want you down to your very essence
In the empty night I crave your presence...

I am not accepted.
Rejected
as sand deposits
left behind
in the tracks of an ocean wave
They come to my aid
They want to help me; of course they know
what is best
for me
speaking detailed instruction to my eager ears
telling me how to be a part
how to belong
They come over quite frequently now
I've become close enough
to learn their names
They are Fat and Ugly
They often speak of their cousins
Skinny and Pretty
How much better it is for them
How to become them
They only speak of the truth
They know best
Of course they know what's best
for me

The innate understanding we were a fragment of a memory
an ash that never became a phoenix
you were the disconnect that existed between us
seconds became minutes, minutes became countless hours
where the black hole of your soul would devour
all the light gleaming from a young boy's eyes so full of desperation of your acceptance
all this time saying your name with the most respectful taste of reverence
regarding every letter with such esteem that I only uttered it when the wind would cease
allowing every syllable to release
with such crisp and pure annunciation, so unmistakable from other words stammered in my speech
I gave you everything, not in the tangible sense of the meaning
every ounce and fiber of my being
now the tears that roll from my weathered cheeks seem as if tokens of a past that never existed between us
I was the ash that never became a phoenix
never thriving in the fires of discontent and a past in flames
I  pray for the wind so I may never speak your name...

in the beaming light of sun kissed skies
innocent eyes
pure and clean as porcelain white  
are forced in time,  
without the bright of past in sight,
to face the shadows from the night.

We believe we must be gregarious.
In communal bonds families annoint
One another in a precarious
Need to follow one leader at the point.

Individuals are not relevant.
Momentary solitude makes us run.
In silence we find nothing elegant .
Time to search for innerpeace has begun.

"Oh' Catain, My Captain," cried Walt Whitman.
The captain is dead. There's no one we need.
We don't have to group to stop the hitman.
The single flower's a rose, not a ****.

We, need to be I, hear this confession:
Farewell friends, I am my new obsession.

love,
left alone to conquer pain
face to face,
faith versus fate.