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 Feb 2013 Mandy Kate Fahey
Kia
What doesn't **** you
Makes you stronger,
they say.
When they taunted me
My confidence turned into
bitter doubt
Questioning my every move
They hate me, I know it
Everyday is a struggle
They enjoy seeing me in pain
suffering
day by day
week by week
years
always the same thing
Now
the darkness is pierced into my heart
a permanent tattoo
for everyone to see.
No.
What they say is not true
Empty promises
What doesn't **** you
makes you wish it did.
There was an unmistakable hint of stardust
when it came to our trust
among the voids and darkness the light specks came in traces
that filled the spaces
where nothing once existed prior
your eyes would search the skies and higher
trying to explain how the proximity to this fire
that burns within you, wouldn't engulf the fragments of us that remain
I'd spell your name
with the tips of my trembling fingers, against the condensation covered glass of your car's window
and when the wind blows
I'd hear your voice
beckoning me to leave
as we make believe
that all is well, blessing our wealth in time spent and crisis averted
yet no matter how you word it
these heart levees feel the pressure of a current that ten thousand dams
could not withstand
as you break the bands of affection, that once kept us close in turn
I'd see the stardust streaming from our trust, merely ashes escaping the burn...
Cold callous fingertips running their sandpaper touch along the cracked weathered surface of my abandoned lips frozen
meticulously pausing acknowledging every section broken
perhaps it was the suns unrelenting rays under intense focus
perhaps my nervous tendencies becoming visible angst for all to notice
teeth gritting
eye shifting
lip splitting
anxiety
finally arising in the form of trembling hands and stammered  speech
soft words being destroyed by hammer teeth
attempting to shatter any remnant of fragile emotion
mouth spilling out every word misplaced and broken
as if these sentences will never be pieced together for you to understand
so i sweep up every piece in my hands
place them nervously in yours as if you knew what each was meant to convey
uneasy hands just tremor away
returning once more to these quivering lips waiting with their fingers pressed tight to my face
praying no more words escape....
The darkness will never engulf my demons, skeletons ripping at the oak of a closet door
fragments chipping off fragile bones riddling the wooden floor
I keep them locked up, keys buried deep within my very essence
unable to grasp a concise frame of reference
as I'm laying in the abyss counting seconds
6,031......no 6,032
moments spent trying to forget you
before your image shatters my focus yet again
as i place paper to pen
then paper to match
flames fade fast to smoke and ash
letting the smoke swirl throughout the room empty as i feel inside
demons crawling under the floorboards trying to hide
bone fingers turning door handles locked away
I keep them locked up hidden from the light of day....
What is it to say I love?
I love many things, and experiences
But a word "love" only goes so far
My heart knows and my soul reaches out forever
Please take my hand walk beside me in the valley of the shadow of death
I am not here to lead you, nor you I
I do not own you, nor you I
I need no gold no paper to show my meaning to you
Struggles are of flesh, bone and spirit
Not of paper and gold
I wish to discover myself in you
And I wish yourself discovery in me
To say I feel different,
May be a coy understatement
To say I've fit in
Is to be blind to my shape shifting
I wander this earth
Like a rambler of songs long ago sang
In dusty bars under the stars and behind closed doors
Better at breaking hearts and destroying the love created
Than lifting from the ashes
Save myself.
A goal long ago abandoned
I embrace my mind and my conscience
Though pure neither are
Still I wait to be saved by love
I wait
I wait
I wait
No anger to beheld
No reason to get even
No reason to leave
Every reason to live
Every reason to trust
Every reason to love

I miss you. Yet know not your name.
I have confessions to make
You radiate a beauty not before seen by mine eyes
Natural flawless by way of imperfection
I see you
I respect and admire you
Your drive, your intelligence
Travelled and educated I revel in your opinions
And take high stock in your solutions
I wish to come to know you better
Your eyes invite me
I see you've been hurt before
As too I
I wish no harm no anger between us
I would wish a million happy days for you
This is my confession you will never read
These my concessions of love
 Feb 2013 Mandy Kate Fahey
Kia
Two different men
are making their way
to their workplaces
One saunters down the street
taking time to
breathe in
his surroundings
the sun stretches its
comforting arms
over a backdrop of a
shockingly
blue sky
each smile is met by
one of his own
meanwhile
the other man
drags his feet down the rough gravel
the atmosphere dismal
bleak, dreary, dim
As a single rain drop hits the top of his head
a horrid look of disdain becomes frozen on his face
As he pushes through the fog
with other men
walking
their doleful expressions
leave a sour taste in his mouth
nevertheless
the two men are
walking down the
same street
Although one may be peering through
rose-tinted glass
and the other through clear
each view is just as
real
as the next
because
reality
is nothing but
a state of
mind
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