and i have always been that person,
who was not even the slightest bit
afraid and scared of death —
heck, i welcome and wish for it, even.
but when you came and stepped on
into my life devoid of color and hue,
everything just seemed to change
in an instant, i wish i had a clue.
my constant “i want to die” moments
become those of sheer contemplation,
for seeing you, and having you near,
surprisingly, it makes me want to live.
you make me want to live.
no, i will not die for you.
that is way too far cliche.
instead, i will breathe and live for you.
as much of a struggle it may be,
but i will breathe and keep on living.
for you gave me the biggest reason,
to make me want to continue breathing.
i chose to break myself
only so that i could fix you
i chose to be half a heart
just so you'd be a whole
all these things i did for you
without a doubt, nor a clue
that once you were whole again
you'd leave me out of the blue
now what's left of me,
are the pieces you took with you
i'm happy that you're okay now,
oh, how i wish i was too
trust, trust, trust —
how hard it is to gain,
how easy it is to break.
trust, trust, trust —
it was like letting you hold
a gun straight through my head
and believing that you,
you of all people,
wouldn't dare pull the trigger.
oh, but you did.
you still did — you chose to break me.
and ever since,
i didn't know
what trust meant anymore
trust was merely
just a word, empty to the core.
052716 ; 00:00.
siguro maraming nag-iisip
na sobrang saya ang
magkaroon ng bestfriend,
at maging bestfriend sa isang tao
may karamay sa kalokohan,
may laging pagk-kwentuhan,
may pagsasabihan ng kadramahan,
may kasama sa lahat ng kasiyahan
pero para sakin —
hindi masaya maging bestfriend
ayoko ng bestfriend lang ako
hindi ako kuntento
pinapangarap kong lagi na
kamay niya, hawak sa tuwina
gusto kong ako lang yung
sinasabihan niyang mahal niya
gusto ko ako yung babaeng
dadramahan at iiyakan niya,
gusto ko ako yung babaeng
hindi niya kakayanin mawala
pero ang lahat ng ito,
sa kasawiang palad,
ay mga pangarap lamang
pangarap na di pwedeng matupad
sapagkat para sakanya,
isa lang akong isa sa mga kaibigan.
sino nga ba naman ako?
isang hamak ng bestfriend lang
12am thoughts + may 16, 2015 00:20.
Late night in deep thought
I can't help but wonder
Cure for my heart I sought
Endlessly, I ponder
What was I lacking?
What didn't I do?
You left me all alone crying
I thought your love was true
Oh, how it hurts my heart
How easily you had let me go
To me — you were the best part
Oh, how I wish you'd know
No matter how much tears I cry
And how much broken poems I write
All I could do is deeply sigh
As your memories come back at night
Tell me how long would it take
For a pain like this to end
I wish you could hear my heart break
For you're the only one who could mend
What is else is there to do
Then wish you to be happy?
Yes. Be happy. Please do.
Even if it's not with me.
the words i was too afraid to say ; 123015.
kahit ilang beses pa na na ako'y iyong
gaguhin, saktan, iwanan,
o kahit pa gawin akong tanga -
sa pagpatak ng gabi,
sa aking pag-iisa,
mga sandaling tayo'y magkasama,
ang lagi kong inaalala.
'di mo lang alam,
na sa bawat ngiti mo'y
para akong unti-unting pinapatay
sapagkat sa dati-rati
ang mga ngiting 'yan, sa iyong labi
ako ang dahilan -
'tila tuluyan na akong kinalimutan.
and if you would ask me -
"what was it like to miss him?"
no, my dear,
it wasn't some kind of ordinary longing.
it wasn't missing someone because of their absence,
but instead missing someone because they're still there,
yet, sadly, they're not yours anymore.
Six years had already passed me by
But our memories still make me cry
The moment you left was indeed sad
I thought, perhaps. I would've gone mad
The sadness may have left me slightly
Though, never completely nor entirely
The thought still makes my heart brittle
Oh, how it hurts to have you just a little
My mind sometimes wanders off to you
Are you doing okay? Are you feeling blue?
Perhaps you're very happy with your flower
Which fills my heart with sounding laughter
At times I can't help but to think negatively
Have you forgotten the glass globe mindlessly?
The bliss in my heart turned into fears
And the sounding laughter became tears
Nothing in the universe will ever be the same
Without your presence that set my heart aflame
No grown-up will ever come to fully understand
How to me, your existence was eminently grand
I was aware that people come and will eventually go
These events in my life had helped me to grow
Though deep inside my heart, I will always wait
For the instance you come back, my dear mate
this is a project for school - a poem adaptation of the novel, the little prince.
Paulit-ulit kong tinatanong ang sarili ko,
Ginusto ko naman ba 'to?
Pinakawalan nga kita,
Ngunit ako'y naging masaya ba?
Ang mga dating alaala,
Parang bula'y naglaho na
Kung maibabalik lang ang dating samahan
Gagawin ko ito ng agad-agaran
Ang pagkawala ng tulad mo'y
Sadyang ikinalulungkot ko
Ang malaking parte ng buhay ko,
Tila tuluyan ng nagbago.
Nasaan na nga ba napunta,
Ang pangakong binitawan
Nung tayo'y masaya pa,
Sabi mo'y di mo ko iiwanan.
Ngayon ay aking napagtanto,
Lahat ng tao ay nagbabago
At wala na akong magagawa pa
Kundi tanggapin nalang ito.
You were that one thing
That always kept me going
That one person
I knew I can't live without
But seeing you happy without me,
I can't do anything but set you free.
Maybe, just maybe it isn't true
That when you see your loved one happy
You'd be happy for them, too
Because every time I see you smile
In the company of someone else
A thousand times, my heart swells.
To me, you were everything
To you, I was nothing
So from a distance I watch you,
Wishing and hoping you knew,
How much I love you.
How long does it take for a heart to unbreak?
How long does it take for the pain to go away?
An hour, a day, a month - perhaps a year,
Will it ever stop hurting? That's what I fear.
A heart that's full of sorrows, full of pain
Eyes that never saw joy, always the rain
Hands longing for someone's touch,
Dear heavens, am I asking for too much?
It's amazing how one simple smile
Can manage to hide a thousand tears
If only people could see through my eyes,
They'd know that these were all lies.
— The End —