Mafia Princess

Mafia Princess Apr 2015

You.

Nothing is right anymore.
Everything comes over me with such emotion.
I want to be okay,
I know I won't be.
I can't give up
But my heart can't take this anymore

I do what you ask....
I try.
But you always find something wrong.
I'm not her
Never will be

You don't care
You think of you
And you only

But I need to think of me

I can't cry anymore

It hurts too bad baby.

Mafia Princess Apr 2015

I deserve.....

You know why I like being hurt during ***?
I want to feel the pleasure with the pain

Of course it hurts
But I like it

I can't hurt myself
So you do

I deserve every uncomfortable feeling
I deserve losing every breath..
As you squeeze my neck;
Watch me gasp for air when you release
I deserve not being able to move when you tie me down.
I deserve for you to rip my head around.
I deserve the bruises that you leave.
I deserve to be submissive to you.

Only during ***.

If you don't love me you wouldn't have *** with me.

I don't deserve to have my heartbroken,
But the pain is my fault.

I deserve it

To know I was wrong.

Mafia Princess Jan 2015

You did it again

And here we go....
Another endless day

While I watch everyone else being happy
Content
Alive.

I feel like I am stuck
Stuck in a never ending cycle of sadness
I was happy
Now I am depressed

What am I to do?
If I could let you go
If I wouldn't regret it for everyday of my life
If I didn't love you
All of that would be easy for me

I love too hard,
You are mine.
Not hers,
But you seem to go back whenever you please,
leaving me with false hope and a broken heart

You love me?
Then why
You know you can't keep both of us,
but you're happier with her..

I can't do this anymore,
I care too much
I love too much

Somedays I want to die
The heartache hurts too bad
I cry myself to sleep.

I just want you to want me
Like I do

But you've done it again...

Mafia Princess Dec 2014

12-18....

People ask what I want for Christmas,
and I try to tell them the cliché.
Makeup..
Gift Cards..
Shoes...
Something materialistic...

I want a boy, but not just any boy.

My heart aches for this boy..
I want my combat boots back...

I want my solider,
I can't ask for him...
I can't have him whenever I want.

I have to wait...
and the wait kills...
I told him I would wait and I would...

Waiting waiting waiting...

Mafia Princess Dec 2014

Ignorance isn't always bliss....

I see people...
They are normal people;
But I feel so much more different than them
  My intentions are not to hurt,
   Nor to be noticed for bad things.

I don't talk up things I can't hold myself to
But I see others do it....

WHY

It doesn't make sense why one would want to known for ignorance

Ignorance is stupidity..
Ignorance is annoying...
  Ignorance is pointless....

Why does one enjoy it?
Why would one want to be ignorant.

No one wants to be a ******.

But so many are.

It isn't funny
It isn't cute

So there is no point

Ignorance....
Intelligence..

Mafia Princess Dec 2014

Toss..

Days seem to never completely end
Nights are the longest part of my day,
While visions are seen and slumber comes naturally
I can't help but think
What have I done with my life
I know I am young
I know more than I should,
Should it matter?

I roll over constantly,
I begin to feel like I am falling
Falling into yet another sleepless night
My stomach turns as I turn with it
I close my eyes and see nothing but fear.

But is it fear that I fear or the thought of being loved,
Fear and love are opposites
Yet I see them as the same.
When I close my eyes I don't see anything but the one I love
But I am also in fear.

I toss over to try and forget these memories
There is a time where I don't feel the sun will ever come up again
But I see a little light.
I toss myself out of bed
But for what?
To live in fear
Or to be with the one I love

I don't know,
It never ends.

#sad #thinking #deep

— The End —