Was that a spiritual blow, my love? Cause it didn't hurt that bad.

I keep everything bottled up, like the alcohol. I kept bottled up until the perfect occasion. words are like wax, the way they soothe your skin. Just to be ripped off. Beauty hurts, and my brain is like the junk drawr your mom says is pointless. I've got more than one, some have nick nacks. Others have yellowed pages with an 8 year olds signature. 47 questions to a dad she'll never meet. My mom found them and asked if I stll need these. I shrugged it off, but later that day she found me in a pile of trash gripping those wrinkled pages. Because if I let go of the grief who am I? I eat mini kit kats, and get drunk with people I don't know. To pass the time. I watch strangers in the streets, know me more intimstely than I ill ever let a boy. My mom asked me what the matter, the world shook into a great perhaps. I look away, running my finger down the cracks in the pavement. My dad never wanted me. She said, oh please. Huffed away. But what she doesn't understand. Is that she understands perfectly. But selfishly she puts it behind her. Because the men she chose to put in her daughters life, didn't belong there. In this spectrum. And everything was built up on pity & rebellion. Emotionally & physically abused since 02. I crushed that sea shell dad, the one I got from the sea. I guess it got bad connection. Maybe you never could hear from me...

3 minutes to sit down, the rest of your life to walk around. Down town is my favorite, artist never look in your eyes. They're scared, one day they might just see. Your eyes.

Like blinds & shutters, I shutter blindly.
I'll compare thee to a summers mid day dream. Because yout hot as hell, & a bit off the hook. Out there in space. You've got me hooked.

I like this wall between us, four feet tall. I can still see you. Id climb up it, but I know I would hit my head on the rafters. Fall off & die from laughter. So instead I'll decorate, hang beautiful poems & pictures to cover up your face. I'll watch as you slave away, putting brick after brick, laying down concrete. I wonder if I whisper, how much I love you. Would it change a thing.

A lady in the streets, but a cuddlier in the sheets.

What's the point in living, no ones listening anyway. If I had to say goodbye, it would be this way. A sloppy half drunk poem, with no meaning. Goodbye

Pills in plastic, I wanna do acid.*
       Pancakes with lattes in the morning
                Long legged lighthouse

                I don't have a lighter
              You said dont worry
             Your mouth found mine
             Among the kitchen sink
                 Well thought out
                Like buttered toast
                 Everything on fire
             I just need a dose of you.

Want to talk about aliens?

I don't have to look at the clock to know what time it is, my body decomposing after the last ring on the last hour of the day. All my composure & magic dispersing in the garden. I wrap the blanket around the rags to stop the bleeding, seeping out from my pores. I've held out my hand so many times, to be bitten & framed for so many crimes. I've never commited, but yet I'm still commited to you. I've got no fancy slippers, or ballroom dancing shoes, just ten toes painted red.

Your łïpš pour chocolate to mine,
And when you're on top,
There's nothing like the world below,
I crane my neck to see the stars in your eyes.

He folded my pupils into his compute dialectic eyes. This smoke filled haze, I dug through the filing cabinet to find my iris. Only came up with a few paper clips, & leadless pencils. He hole punched our memories & wrote down the dates across the calendar in red lettered pens, fine script. Of a teacher, who taught me how to love. Stapled my heart to the front page of the packet. I forgot to study.

I find comfort in the lint on my favorite hoodie,
It's been worn & washed too many times,
The *** hole riding the yellow line,
On the back road by my house,
Reminds me of you,
The way tick tacs,
Taste remind me of your breath,
You hated them, I shoved my brain in the oven,
It got so baked, & we laughed, my pen knows the pages like I know your hips, & face. And God ****** I want to draw words across your body in languages no one will ever speak, with my finger tips. But all you say is Hmm, and why. Starting to sound like my tooth brush after a while. I'll clean my teeth, & try to force a smile. I broke the zipper off my hoodie & they filled in the hole.

I'll pin you up against a wall, because darling you're a masterpiece. And it's easier to bite his lip, because you're not afraid to let it bleed.
Make him moan, you won't have to say anything tomorrow. It's easy to fall in love for the night, he's not the guy you were dreaming of. So wake up & realize you're shallow, & empty. More importantly numb. This room a coffin, terrible wonderful ***. Getting rich off of fake love, never having to get out of bed. They say it started with daddy issues.

Sometimes I put myself out of perspective, out of the ocasion. I stare down at my reflection, the impression i will leave to people. A crazy suicidal teen that couldn't bare the strength, or would they understand I never meant to leave this way. That the whole world was full of adventures, & scenic routes I would've taken. Dandelions, sun flowers, forget me nots,
Kiss me on the forehead tell me it's alright.
And when I go to meet God I'll ask him if your house can be next to mine this time. I'm sure there's room for two...

Id imagine death to be as subtle, as stepping onto a stair, that isn't there. A few brief moments of nothing but shaking terror. Calamity coming over my body, as it finds the even flooring. It's still dark but at least I'm not falling.

Shin splints, hit on vintage nightstands,
Already sore from the night before.
Lingerie spilled on the floor, lingering from one of your boy toys. It's okay expensive lip stick & high heels fix everything.

The pottery garden, we paint pots & dig pits for our brains to lay at rest after we smoked the pots that painted pretty pictures in your mind. Most everything is ashes, it's awfully beautiful in this modern age, conformed to the look of attraction young thugs in action. Green is green no matter how you got it to grow. Split it in half add another row, it use to be a garden now it's just a graveyard. You use to say how come, now all you say is why not...

You're my favorite six foot eight,
Russian,
Chocolate milk,
Breakfast,
Lunch,
Dinner!

Love ya granddad :)

Birds of a feather flock together,
But you slither between the words in the rymes,
Gathering your heard of snakes,
Under the rocks of my thoughts,
Id rather remain friendless,
Then have your,
venom
Running Through My Veins

The softest place to sit, is on the inside of your wrists. He said, knowingly.

I think too much, & tread to quietly on stairs that should be stomped up.

My thighs frame your cheeks,
Tambourine tantrum in the sheets.

I know I fell in love with you for a reason,
I found the forest In your eyes,
The angle of the bones in your body,
Aligning with mine,
Skin that you live in i call home,
You let me love myself,
There's no one like you.

Tattoo back the words of your mouth,
Into your vibrant eyes,
It's true,
Distance does make the heart grow fonder...
Or forgetful,
But I can't forget you,
You carved our destinys into an oak tree,
That's not yet to be knocked down,
Maybe A storm will come,
Tear it's branches away,
Leave it bare & naked,
Out in the open,
Like my love for you,
Me,
I stay quiet,
Though perhaps the violent storm is inside,
That'll come and sweep everyrhing away,
Like the breath of Gods nostrils,
Although I am no God,
The gospel retrieved all the good in me,
Stored it up,
For all to see,
How much you inspire.

And if I roll over, I know you'll be there,
With sad broken eyes, you'll convince me to throw away all my knives, the pang in my chest won't go away, you'll pull me close, not bothering to tell me it's okay, because you know the kind of girl I am, & your presence is like daggers, mixed with guilt & relief, I cry because im just a daughter trying to find my way in life.

Showing up home, with bouquets & balloons,
A card filled with my feelings. Maybe I was too late, maybe I was too soon. I know Mother's Day isn't quite here yet, but I was thinking about you an awful lot, I guess you didn't care. I guess you didn't spot the tears running down my face. My life a trash can, a grave for all my mistakes. I'll wrap myself in my covers, & close my eyes. In the pitch black, perhaps I'll find another light. You'll yell about potential an the anitial after life. But after life, I just want to rest. Burn all the keepsakes I kept safe, from all the people I thought cared. I trace tile floors, & zip line through life. Blood on my legs. It's another one of those nights

I leaned my aching head into the bottle,
Drinking it all in,
Your tongue thirsts for me,
You can't get my name off your lips,
Your hands wrap around my hips,
Telling strangers how beautiful I am,
I'll shove you away,
*******
At
His
Finest

Vintage fabric, over lapping tan skin,
Flesh blushed red,
Cheek bones with more structure than your,
Life,
Live loudly boldly with no apology,
He said the confidence is eating me away,
I can't figure you out girl,
You're cryptography,
I can't fall in love with quaters of your body,
It's all or none,
You demand everything at once,
There so much room for seduction,
But I kept walking on by,
You don't fall in love with childhood friends,
To become friends with benifits,
To become nothing at all,
Except the memory of skin on flesh,
We have this conversation with our eyes,
As you tie the bathing suit back into place.

Mama didn't raise a victim

Laying under the Big Dipper, Cold may air caressing my forehead,  hoodie for a pillow,
This ***** ground a perfect bed, it all started with the stars, Idiots inspired by glowing gas,
A million miles away, like something that beautiful could last, what God drinks of the universe, left me behind.

Relapse & recap,
To the girl you use to be,
All your hopes & dreams flushed down,
The toilet,
Cheeks flushed red,
Angry at myself again,
Better off dead,
A mistake you said,
I was,
Knives & needles,
Are my bestfriends,
They know me from the inside,
We share the same blood,
Metaphorically of course.

I watched the cow jump over the moon,
Contemplating,
Laying in the middle of the road,
Suicidal hobo,
I can hear your screaming,
From a mile away,
Static from here to there,
Everywhere inside,
My brain,
Has died,
My heart no more,
Everything fading,
Champagne ****** scene galore,
Hit a *** hole,
Right over top my body,
Id apologize,
For the damage emotionally & mentally,
You did a good deed,
How else could I leave?
I rope or a gun,
Too predictable not fun,
Everything to Hades.

the acoustics in this shower mmmm,
It echoes.
The reflection of your body behind mine,
In this tile cracked..

Lettuce forgive those, who do wrong,
Because I don't carrot all anymore.

A rip in the door, a tip in the drawr,
Philosophy or trigonometry,
Epic failure,
Filled with pens & paper clips,
Minds to the matter,
Key opening frogs,
Toads totaling mirrors,  
Mane of Moroccan Curls,
Sashaying  across broad shoulders,
And smooth hips,
Laying on clouds,
Because you can't afford to breath,
On the ground,
Tree topped eye lined,
Eye lids,
Shut.

Robotics Class,
I never took it,
But I'm sure glad you did,
It left you crooked,
Achey & Weird,
When we kissed it was copper mixed,
With gasoline tears,
Hearts don't break even,
They don't break at all,
Just shrivel up & die,
Until the next one comes along,
I'm not sure if you're replaceable.

Soooooooooo you tryna, **** me or nah?

Okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay
Yup yup yup yup yup yup yup yup yup
K k k k k k k k k k k k k k k k k k k k k k
Fine fine fine fine fine fine fine fine fine
           I see you emptiness, I notice you
   Beloved mistress, come flood my heart,
Internal organs, rushing in like the tide,
Earth crumbling beneath me,
Swept in, for the ride,

Your sweet green eyes, pink tongue,
Soft coat, loud voice, little bean.

Cry until your head aches worse than your freaking heart aches, that's my mantra.

Oh-de-la-ly

Lifes like a cart return,
Filled with Cheshire cats,
Bad luck,
You broke your mothers mirror,

Drink from a cup that has been spilled,
He said his life is tipped over,
He gladly went home,

Loves no place for me,
Save your sermon,
It's not sunday yet,

I've got plenty of time to regret,
Future mistakes,
You will never
Deserve,
P
O
    E
        T
            R
                Y
Generally you will,
I only have words,
To fill swimming pools,
So we can drown once again.

Id be lying if I said I wasn't bitter.

The life flew from your eyes,
Your secrets leaked from your brain,
Clean up on isle 4,
Who knew you'd be dead walking back,
Out the door,
Dead,
Predictable,
Lightning shook through,
As your body pulsed,
Concrete coffin,
At least the floor was swept,
I watched a man die tonight.

From x to y to z
How are your planets aligned,
Inside your mind,

You did great at ******* fate,
& leaving me,

Like the pores in my skin,
You take in the bad,
15 seconds surface contact,

Like loving Peter Pan,
& all of his lost boys,
I think I'll give you a kiss...

A stranger asked me, how do you survive little one, being so gentle with such a wolf spirit residing in you. So much fire turned down to embers, you're beautiful. I watch you sun bathe, and you think you're okay, you're more than whats at face. For fifty dollars I'll take everything off your hands, I put them out; empty. You're burnt. Ra laughs at you. In sweet serenity. I don't believe in Ra. Yet he beats down on your back. You contemplate when he comes up & when he goes down. Even in the after life he is more productive than you. I smirked & said im nurturnal.

I threw a party tonight,
The rules were no clothes,
Only me & you were invited...

You don't half *** guitar,
Me and Bob Dylan, like a holy rolling stone,
You've gone too far,
It's not about the strings,
The C Major or D flat,
It's the character in the music,
All the things you lack,
Have you ever wept with a guitar,
And felt it tremble under your touch,
The last time I played was after being molested,
I didn't want to use it as a crutch,
Make it feel ***** & cheap,
Like me.

A house divided against it self, would be better; than your smile & how I'm not the reason for it,
than how I wake up with no one to tell me
        goodmorning
than looking to the heavens not knowing
If we're looking at the same sky
Swept me right of my aching feet
Cycle freaking emotions,
Interpt this into something beautiful,
I'm blind
Hate builds,
Stop humanizing poetry.

I remeber when going to bed hungry,
Was considered a punishment,
Now we do it by choice,
Hoping to be,
Skinnier,
Than,
The,
Ni
Gh
T
        **before

What kind of company do you keep,
Beneath the sheets,
We make flowers & eat raspberries
To the sound of oceans in your violin,
I picture *** as an orchestra,
Slightly off key,
The dial in your pupils calling my name,
Trembling treble,
Allegro,
Presto,
I'll never know why we make such harmonys,
Between the sheets,
Nothing to do with love,
Just passion.

Today is the emptiest day of my life,
Flesh became words,
Such simple verses,
That didnt mean anything,
To you,
Can I still keep a place in your heart?