18, small village, small life. So far,
I feel like i am floating,
                                                     never doing anything of substance with my life.

Life is confusing, never felt like i had one.
A wallflower watching peers find the bottom of ***** bottles with loud music.
In love with the idea of being in love but never understood the concept.

Boring and tame, not any more.
I want to write, be creative, find a voice inside my head. Find me.

Do cliché things like move to a big city where I'm dust on a piece of the puzzle.
Be of substance, find the one, understand that love thing.

I have never felt like ******
With the wind screaming in my ears
He tells me to
He wants me to
He wants me to slit the mans throat
The man who killed me

The voice can not be heard
By none other but me
He screams insanity in my ears
Yelling for me to bleed

To Bleed out the revenge
Hatred
Love
Hope


But all that does not matter
Not anymore
I'm a nothing
Drifting soundlessly down this street

For I am the demon of myself
I am the man who killed me

i don't think that people are beautiful,
whether it be on the inside or the out —
rather, i believe that people have beautiful
moments, like when their eyes light up whilst
talking about their dreams and their passions or
when they are so genuinely happy that it even
makes you smile or when their heart skips a beat
when they realize they're in love for the first time
and the corners of their mouth automatically tug
upwards because it's such a good feeling

people are so caught up with aesthetics and
trying to be someone else's idea of beautiful
that they're passing up chances to be and
feel beautiful every single day and i think that's
disappointing.

if you tell me that you love me, i will not say it back

instead, i will tell you that your voice reminds me of indian chai tea and that your lips taste the way i thought cherry blossoms would and that i'd much rather sleep pressed up against your skin than under a sheet — i will tell you that i plug in my headphones to listen to your heartbeat and that you make me want to scream and cry and buy a one-way ticket to the other side of the world just to get away from you and i will tell you that i feel like i am skydiving without a parachute because i have never fallen so hard or so fast and that's scary and yet i have never felt more alive than when i am with you

When the rooster calls before the sun has broken the horizon, does it wish you a good morning and kiss you on your forehead, or does it remind you that you’ve survived another night and have seen a new sunrise?

Does your bed push you out into the cold or hold you in its blanket arms and tell you to stay?

Is your wrist in need of cleansing from the dried blood that stains your skin after making love to a thin razor blade in the wee hours of morning, or do you pat yourself on the back because you said “no” instead of letting it **** you?

When you brush your teeth and stare at the reflection in the mirror, does the smeared mascara that’s ran down your cheeks trigger the waterfall of new tears to wash away what reminded you that you lived?

Does your bed call you to its arms, the blankets rub your back and your pillow catch your tears?

Do you surrender again to the razor blade in the comfort of your bed’s love?

I just want to know
When a beautiful smile
Will be more
Than just another
Lost cause

This morning I woke up laying on the ceiling
Looking down at myself
I look different
Not talking about when I shaved last
A 5 o'clock shadow of who I use to know
Frightened by what I see
6 more weeks of a frigid winter
As my bones chatter
They'll talk about the changes I've endured

I go to bed tonight on my ceiling
My covers look warm

Corsages
Pressed shirts
Flirty butterflies
Not me.
Just your sweatshirt
Slow music
Missing you.
Gorgeous smile
We chose your shirt today
All eyes on you.
Girls staring
How could they not
I would be too.
But what they don't know
Is the curve of your neck
The rise and fall of your chest
The flutter of your eyelids
The slight smile on your lips
As you fall asleep.
The beauty that I have memorized
That only I get to see
Tonight
And every night after.