every time
i begin to write
my words curl around
your image in my mind

i cannot be rid of you
and i don't want to
be rid of you

today
a girl
tried to say
that i looked
like an elephant
as if to suggest
i were quite hideously fat
i told her
that elephants
are adorable
and that at least
I'M cute
maybe to the world
i am an elephant
i don't care
i just wish
sometimes
i guess
that elephants
could
forget

"I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry."*

I say it twice.
Not to enforce a point
but to give both of us
a copy.

I, myself, perhaps a sinner.
You, ourselves, we are:
The saint.

my lips are quivering
so desperate
to feel you
against me

your voice is
filling my head
and your heart
filling my chest

your silky fingertips
flowing over my soul
your mind working
in harmony with mine

rose petals
and daisies
twisted around
your heart

cherry blossoms
entwined into
your shattering
soul

the most broken
and corrupted
parts of
you

growing into
something that
is so incredibly
                              
                  beautiful

your lipstick
leaving
crimson scars
upon my
soul

and branding
the hue
of your mouth
into my
heart

cages and traps
around me
that I placed there
myself

I don't know why
I do this
or why
it doesn't bother me

I don't know
why I'm so
scared of love
and affection

I don't know why
I'm so scared
of my secrets
being uncovered

it's suicide
really,
cigarettes.

but the wistful
thin milky smoke
reminds me of peace
that I never feel anymore.

the drag
the heat
and I drag my lungs behind me on a gravel road
but the hit
I take
feels
safe

craving
to wrap my lips
around a death trap
an expensive
killer
beautiful
cigarette