Maddii Lloyd

Maddii Lloyd Jun 2016

Alone

"im here for you"
    "you're not alone"
         "you will always have me"

  ******* *******
When its 2:34am
    and self hate crawls up my throat
tearing its way out
and rips its way out my mouth
         in a deadly silent scream
i am alone.

when the blade starts tearing at
my skin
the cuts keep getting
deeper
          and there is no one
i am alone.

but the only real thing around me
    is the feeling
of the blood running down
my arms
  'i am alone'
you say you are there,   but your not.

        i am Alone.

Maddii Lloyd Jun 2016

SElf DeSTrucIoN

We drink alcohol
that tastes like hell
we smoke cigarettes
to burn out throats
we take drugs
to **** our lives up
just to forget
for a little while

but we are killing ourselves
slowly
******* up our lives and loosing
everyone slowly.

welcome to the world of
SElf DeSTructIoN mY DeAR DArliNg

Maddii Lloyd Jun 2016

Will you?

Will you still love me
when im hiding under the covers crying?
when im acting like a child and wont listen to what you have to say?
when i feel like a failure?
when my makeup is smudged all over my face?
when i ignore you to watch my Disney movies?
when the voices in my head take over?
when i turn into an emotional wreck for no reason?
will you still love me?

when i cant love myself?

Maddii Lloyd Jun 2016

I wonder.?

i wonder what its like

to wake up and love yourself

to look at your reflection and not want to cry

to stand on the scale see the number and not want to puke

to stand with your friends and not feel ugly

to go shopping for clothes and not feel fat

to not be ashamed of your self harm scars

to go into public places and not feel insecure

i just wonder

what its like to wake up and love your life

Maddii Lloyd Jun 2016

Isnt it Strange?

Isnt it strange to think
that in this very moment
as we speak
someone is lying alone
on their death bed
contemplating between life
and death
reigniting love with
an old lover
to be tightly wrapped in
an warm embrace
or even writing a suicide
note.
considering different ways
to say goodbye?
right this moment
someones heart is beating
rapidly from a first ****
and someones is shattering
from a goodbye..

..... Goo...d By.....e

Maddii Lloyd Jun 2016

Perfect.

Do i look like someone who cares?
cares what you think?
about the way i look?
the way i act?
the way i portray myself?

of course i ******* do
you judge me by the way
i walk
the way i talk
the way my hair falls upon
my shoulder

i know im not ******* perfect
but who is seriously?
amuse me with your lies
who in this ******* pathetic
place we call our home
is perfect because news
flash is you arent perfect either
no matter how hard you try or how much
you put me down neither
one of us are perfect.

Maddii Lloyd Jun 2016

YOu Left anD I miSS yoU

you left me
and i hate you for that
but i want you to
be happy so i guess
thats why you
left.
but you left me
at such a bad time
i understand you were
sick and you couldnt help
it
i was only young
i didnt quite get what was
happening
but you were my best
friend and
i loved you too the
moon and beyond
as i got older though
i went through the same thing
with mum and i was
scared ill loose
her too but she is still
here you were
looking over her keeping
her strong
i just hope
one day i will see
you again.
i love you and
miss you so much.
i just hope you are proud of the
young girl ive turned into
and our joke will never
get old.