I want it but I can't, shouldn't, won't
I need it but it's gone, lost, off
I must have it now but something stops me
Stops me, blocks me, lost me
I am stopped
It is off
Over
Full stop
​

Children play in the yard
Whilst I do what?
I sit in the sun
Because it is what?
My last day
Last chance for sunshine
Once gone I will miss them
Because they did what?
Made me feel welcome
They will miss me they said

With a whiskey warm face
I hope to conquer cold
But it beat me
And winter took its' toll
So here I shiver
With hot toddy in my hold
Slowly getting drunker
It's chilly
But I feel bold

Oh Wow. Elation.
Calls for celebration
Some inebriation?
GlugGlugGlug,GlugGlug
Then it’s mad. Too far gone.
Meet the peeps. Talk the talk. Munch the munch. Drink the Drink. DriNk the DrinK. DRink the DriNK. DRInK the DRiNK
‘whoamiwherwhat?’

Once upon a Christmas Eve
When his work was nearly nigh
Santa had a tantrum
And threw his presents to the sky
​
His reindeer started rioting
Unnerved from all the stress
And poor old Mrs Santa
Stood witness to the mess
​
"My love, please, what is happening?
Think clearly with your head
We've not got time to waste now
Kids wait you from their beds"
​
So Santa stopped and listened
He knew he hadn't time
"But dear, you see I'm starving
And I'm gasping for some wine"
​
So simple was the problem
He'd soon be his fine self
They called for pie and beverage
From their ever trusting elf
​
The elf he soon delivered
And even brought his friends
As word spread of presents fumbled
So they knew they'd need to mend

And thus commenced a workshop
To fix a trick and more
The elves they fixed the presents
To take the impact of the floor
​
So thankful for the time save
Santa loaded up his sleigh
He hearded up the reindeer
They were fed then on their way
​
Now dashing through the darkness
On his journey through the sky
Santa soon delivered gifts
They were thrown from way up high
​
With the magic of the elves touch
They would land in their right place
Because thanks to Santas tantrum
This years Christmas was a race
​
So then parents starting rousing
Not knowing what to think
"Is it really raining presents
Or did we have too much to drink?"

The children sleeping soundly
Heard the presents on their way
So they woke up with excitement
"Yipee, it's Christmas Day!"
​
Luckily for Santa
It all worked out to be fine
But Mrs Santa knew for next year
To keep him topped up with some wine!

For all of my younger life
I thought when I grew up I’d be a wife
But since when I met you
About this, I’ve thought twice
And I’ve wondered if it need be
Need I marry so eagerly?
Because right now
You are my company
And you’ll do for me
So I’m not so sure now
If I’ll need a wedding gown
Or for my Dad to walk me down
The aisle so soon
At this moment in time
Whilst you have been mine
It seems you’re all I need
More love would be greed
Yes, ******* our bond does lack
But we know we have each other’s backs
And trust is a key thing
My lifelong partner needs to bring
Other traits that you’ve got
Prove you have the lot
You’re a passionate cook
Generosity is your look
You bring with you fun
Share a love for the sun
You love a good dance
You’ll give anyone a chance
You entertain with your bands
You’re a helping hand
You see whilst you’re looking
You hear whilst you’re listening
And your singing is glistening
You do all these things just naturally
It seems you understand me
Which is why what we have works
And it will for eternity

So long as we don’t have to play scrabble in our retirement

If I didn’t have a Granny
Then I wouldn’t have a Daddy
And if I didn’t have a Daddy
Then I wouldn’t be here

But there’s thanks more to give
Than for blood, life and skin
For Granny has always been
Most supportive and loving

And she’s done so much more
Than watch me grow and mature
Inspiration and education
She’s fed to me pure

When she dances Woolly Bully
I see the part of her that’s in me
At the centre of the party
Dancing like crazy

So you see there’s much more
She’s certainly no old bore
And she’s given me memories
I’ll treasure forever more

So thank you to my Granny
For giving me my Daddy
But also many thanks for being you
My Granny

I like words because you can carry them in your head
So you don’t lose space in your handbag
I like sentences because words are not enough left alone
I left alone is solidarity
Love left alone is heartbreak
You left alone is distance
I love you together is a friendship and a relationship and a family
Sentences are heavier than words
But your head still has room for an infinite amount
Your head can carry a conversation
Infact infinite conversations can be housed in your head
Conversations are words achieving their highest destiny
But they still take up just as much room in your handbag

So what do I need to take with me in my handbag?

Life loving is my occupation is Aus
And today I'm grafting hard
This shift is overtime from the weekend
So the pay is double matched
Even in my sleep I'm earning
It's a tough life when you work here
But at least in this vocation I've no time for anything else

When the world became mine
My sit became a slouch
There was no tough and taxing
Just reclining and relaxing
I found freedom to live the world my way
Feet up and thoughtful
Adventurous and sociable
Could chose who to be each day
​

It is the night before the morning after
Eight weeks have passed without this feeling now
Of excited anticipation for good times
That feeling of freedom that
only a field of festival frolics can deliver

In which place it has been eight months
So tonight had better watch itself
Two long awaited adventures combined
Then when I wake in the morning after
it will be in a field in the middle of nowhere
lying under canvas upon a makeshift bed

….but it shouldn’t matter
as I will get to do it all again
If my stamina and enthusiasm don’t fail me
The morning after will become the night before
Because it’s the ultimate party:
Worth waiting for

You can yank me out of Yorkshire but I still want Yorkshire pudding
You can send me south but I’ll still go bargain hunting
Even though it is that I live in the South
I still have a hint of the northern mouth
Well that’s what the southerners say
But I’m sure to you it doesn’t sound that way
Anyway regardless where I am at
I’m Yorkshire bred and that’s a fact
To present this case to you
Some traits of yours; I have a few
I chose cheese to partner fruitcake
And forever search for savings to make
I always speak what’s on my mind
Which at times southerners think unkind
Though they themselves aren’t so good
When it comes to small talk in moments stood
A stranger is a momentary friend to a northerner
Whilst the southerner stands awkwardly waiting
I know which I would rather be
Let’s just say it has its’ own tea
So I am most pleased to see
That so much of you has rubbed off on me
For you my northern family
Are in my thoughts more than you know
And without you I would not be so

Arriving bowels about to burst
You crash your way upstairs to the caddy
Struggling to strip because you’re laden with luggage
You fumble your way to freedom
Desperately trying to deliver what is overdue
A prominent pile of poo
A hilarious hello to your new home
Just you Josh could enter so gently