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Jay Feb 2019
suddenly
everything changed.

we do not play
by the same premise
anymore

you have the power
to start us up
finish us off

i'm meant to follow.
feel.

you categorize me
squeeze me in
reduce me
to this.

give me two options
to be
both equality wrong
because they are not me

and i hate you
forcefully
for this

we do not play
by the same premise
you and i

you are the man
i am the woman

now
we are reduced
to this.
Jay Feb 2019
i wondered how it would affect me
if it would at all

i know how i was before
i know how i am now

[before]
restlessly calm
i searched
for skies
in concrete

half a breath
it will sort itself out

[now]
the distance
calms me

i can accept
practically
anything

it have always been worse

half my hand
i lend you

you're one step
back
im already
on my way

i wondered how it would affect me

hand on heart
i was
restless
[before]

[now]
i am
afraid.
Jay Jan 2019
sure,
i still sometimes wish you'd see me
when i'm out
running you off

but at last.

i am
running you
off
Jay Dec 2018
do i linger
timelessly
tiredlessly
where others
call it off?

my god
it just hit me
that i might

because how well i recognize
the patterns of your footsteps
and the hollow feeling
their echo
leave behind
Jay Dec 2018
my entire
body
remembers

it breathes
in my pulse

all my shattered dreams
resting in the hall
beside our shoes

everything
starts over

and i know exactly
how this looks
from behind
Jay Dec 2018
they borrow your white knitted sweater without asking
claim its theirs
hand it back eventually
now with blue stains
that won't come off

call you up
while out with their dog
ask what you're up to
cut you off halfway through your reply
turnes out they only wanted to know if you were available
to watch the dog

mention you gained weight
when in your bikini
(no, you did not ask)

but
when you lay in your sofa
contemplating that
hideous feeling below your chest

you receive a text  
asking if you are being kind to
yourself
as you should

tell your mum
when you're not around
how they appreciat how you always cared about people
and that they knew
you were gonna make it

and when you're home
they make you laugh
so hard
you accidentally
*** a little

sure
it annoys you
when you wash the sweater again
that the stains still won't come off

but
it doesn't really matter
does it  
you were kind of tired of that shirt anyway
Jay Nov 2018
twice
i washed my black sweater

still  
when i put it on  
it smelled like you

i have been through
hundred times worse

bleed my heart out
on a wet concrete floor
picked every daisy
ruthlessly
rootlessly

just recently
parted
from a lifetime

but you
and your scent
in under my skin

i think somehow
you represent
time
and how it changes
everything

what have i lost
what have i gained

i am older now

pull my sweater off
chuck it back into the washer
drown it with laundry detergents
and perfume

when i put it back on
it better not smell of
broken dreams
and anxiety
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