Cities are built on sand and then taken by the sea
Leaving good men with nowhere to stand, and with nowhere for me
For infanticide is perfectly acceptable at the hands of a god
And humanity is completely perfectable, but only if nothing is wrought,
And the good we do comes from the spirit but evil is all our own
For how could good come from a man who believes this world to be home
This is the faith my mother believes
This is the faith being forced upon me
She rejects my rejection of god's inherent perfection,
Continues injections of god's power, scripture's lessons,
But I still do not understand,
I still can't seem to see,
She speaks of a poisoned world
Of a savior for all of our ******* souls
She says we are sinners in god's angry hands
But is human such a bad thing to be?

I have this pound of clay, but I've never been much of an artist,
And trying to make something beautiful alone, that's the hardest,
My fingers don't work and my eyes are too old,
My hearts forever aching and my soul has been sold,
But maybe a new vision could guide my hands a new way,
As I try to, I used to think manipulate, but you showed me work with my hunk of that clay,
But I've always been scared to ask for your help,
I've always been scared to ask for anything, so I dealed with what I was dealt,
But it doesn't really work, trying to be completely alone,
Because to everyone you're a stranger, and you'll lose what was home,
I think it's time I stopped being a vagabond in my own heart,
So please will you help me? Because I want to make someone, anyone, realize what's always been true, to see this clay as art

"Now cracks a noble heart. Goodnight, sweet prince, and flights of angels sing thee to thy rest"
I spoke as Hamlet died in my arms
Both the man and the play were finished today
And I was the only one to survive it
I sat at my desk in silence
The death of my lord,
My best friend,
Still heavy in my heart
And my teacher walked outside for water
And it was so noisy around me
But my soul was still giving it's respects
When I heard my name
She beckoned me to her
I left the class room,
Hamlet's only pallbearer,
And she pointed
And in a hole at the corner of the building
Sat something so precious
Peeking her little head out curiously
And with just a glance in my direction
The kitten hiding in the school building
Took the other end of hamlet's coffin
And Meleanie helped me to lift my side
And we laid him to rest in that hole of the building
Together

I'm in my garage
Yellow paint on my fingers
Red on my nails
I'm spray painting and normal painting and everything in between
On a ukulele
From a show I don't really watch
For a person I don't really know
And that makes me sad
Because they don't know me either
But to be someone's friend you must know them
And right now
No one knows me
And I think I would like to change that
Because I think I would like to have a friend again
It's kind of nice
Most parts
From what I remember
But most of the people I know don't really understand friendship
Because they said "oh I love her!"
And then looked down at the table embarrassed as she ran away crying
And it left in awful taste in my mouth, seeing them, as I chased after her,
I do not like realizing things that make me sad
But I guess if it hadn't happened
Then I wouldn't have decided to try,
Her being upset was a very bad thing
But it strengthened who we were in relation to eachother
And it made me really realize, I've known all along, I suppose decide is more appropriate, and that is a good thing
It's funny how the world works that way

You're dancing through corners
Dodging questions and formerly friends
You don't want to talk unless it's a joke
You're too scared to eat for fear you may choke yet again
But you still don't want people's help

You still just won't let me help

I just want you to smile again

If I were
A dog
I would be
The type
That runs
Away

If I were
A bird
I would be
The type
That sings
All day

But I'm
Just
A girl,
The type
That writes
To pray

Why are beds so great?
Because they are soft?
Is it because curling up under a blanket in them subconsciously reminds me of the womb?
Or the times when I was much younger, and another could be with me and nothing would be weird at all?
Is it because deep in my heart, I'm a romantic, and I think about the person who I will love above all else, and who will feel the same to me, who will share my bed and my soul?
Maybe I'm overthinking things and it's just because bed is a comfortable place to be, but (this will probably sound strange) my thoughts of my bed or the feeling I have going to sleep feel more substantial than that
Maybe I just love sleeping
I probably just love sleeping
But maybe I love this mattress too

What is the difference between the whole and an eccence
What draws the line between one's sufferings or their penance,
What makes someone lonely but not alone
Since when did the right to be happy submit to the need to atone

Others laugh, my voice is silent,
Others dream, my minds more violent,
Others see, my eyes are clouded,
Others smile, my minds too crowded,
But others are themselves, as I should be
I could learn a lesson from them, learn to be me

There is murmuring
Completely surrounding
The vessel of my mind
Imaginary places
Occupying stationary spaces
Hiding behind my eyes
Words no one said
Envelop my head
And leave my real eyes blind
Trying to know
What I lost long ago
But the past is so hard to find

A living prison, a cage of bone
A beating submission, confined, enthroned
Fettered by the weight of a breathing crown
Off centered, a bit to the left, and looking down
Never up, he's never braver
To hold the gaze of his enslaver
Who dwells above the cage he built
Killing doves  and avoiding guilt
Wrinkled, emotionless, an empty whole
The captor found not comfort, but lack of pain, in selling his own soul

You want to know who I am, well sorry friend I'm not,
We should've talked so long ago, I'm sorry I forgot
You want to save me from myself, but sorry you cannot,
So just leave, just close the door and leave sorry me to rot

I'm currently at a family party
I was grabbing a chicken finger
When I saw my great uncle
How are you
He asks
I smile
Say
I'm fine
And
He
Chuckled

Said
I don't believe that

I ask why

He says

Because
I
Know
You

Today hasn't been the best,
It started out with the girl who didn't mean to hurt me,
I'm not mad at her, it just hurts to see her, but I cover it up fine,
Then swung me by the nursing home to give me a quick reminder about mortality,
I've never specifically cared about my own, but it's always nice to have a reminder that if I ever managed to find someone to care about me too, they could just drop dead and leave me
Alone
Again
Then it brought me back home to **** time, I never meant to waste anything, but it's not like I have anything else to do with it so,
I made some Italian pies to have something to do,
Then there was nothing.
I took a bike,
Listened to twenty one pilots, pushed myself as far as I could go,
Tried to outrun the fact that no matter how fast or far I could go, I can't ride away from myself, and I was just going faster and faster towards nothing,
But, of course I couldn't,
So here I am
Just breathing

People have no respect
For the ones like me
We fly but cannot land
And it's so hard to see
I guess we are insects
And that's all I'll be
But they cannot stand
The fact we are free

I loved being in love
I loved that giddy feeling I got when I talked to you
I loved the way my heart got all fluttery
I especially loved your smile
But, there are always the things that make you wonder
I didn't love the feeling I got staring at my phone for hours, waiting
I didn't love how my heart would get so heavy so fast, til I couldn't move and needed you to free me
I especially didn't love how I always felt you didn't care at all

That's why I'm using past tense
So I can get over this feeling faster
The thing I value most is freedom
But somehow you got me to chain myself
And you never meant to, I know
You never knew,
But I still need to break the chains
Because I've recently been discovering,
I deserve to be happy too

I think I need a break,
Everything here tears me down and rakes
My heart, and these wounds do not close,
I am an ant and life is a rose,
I try to climb to that sweet fragrance
But there are thorns to impale me and the other ants
Put me down, I'll never get to the soft red petals,
And right now if life were cars, I'd be in a rental,
And it's due the next day,
And I'm out of money, what could I say
Besides yeah you're right ok

I've been told contradictions don't exist
So why in the pit of my being is there a void and a mound of lead all at the same time?

Words are hard to use
The ones that mean something are so heavy on my tongue that I can't push them out
And the ones that don't fly out like a bag of crumpled paper poured in front of an oscillating fan
But spreading crumpled paper everywhere like that
Is littering
There are some people who were born with words in their mind and rhythm besides beat beat beat in their hearts
And everytime they breathe in or out it's a miracle, something to praise
And every sound they hear is a symphony
And the words are still heavy
But they bear that weight with pride
And the pain that comes with it
She wonders why talking is hard for me
She doesn't understand the concept of a weaker tongue
Tells me to open up the vault
And I've tried before
And I'm trying now
But I think it hasn't been open in so long
It rusted shut
And I have paragraph on paragraph I want to tell anyone who will listen
I want to scream to the sky
I want to pull off of my tongue and throw as far as I can into the ocean of the past
So I can watch it sink and never worry about it again
And I think even now that I can't
Even as I am pouring the first one into these lines right here right now
But I have the rock in my hand
All that's left to do is hurl it into the sea

I think it's strange
How people all need eachother
We're like little love parasites
Feeding off our brothers
And I don't know why we need it
I guess our souls get hungry too
And you know, I'm kind of lonely,
And I need some love from you

I've never done drugs
Never wanted to
Never smoked anything
Never drunk
never wanted to
I've never desired touch
I've never needed to be held
Why?
It makes me feel inhuman
Which scares me more than you can imagine
Imagine
That's all I do
Think
Read
Out loud and to myself
How am I supposed to feel when I have more in common with the books scattered around my bed than man, humanity, the thing I venerate above all else?

It's a confusing time when a wandering mind is all that leads you on
And it's a broken world when a once outspoken girl has lost her taste for songs

Then be aggregated and tell me you are
Tell me how the sky swallows  all the stars
Tell me that you hate everything I do
And tell me that you also hate me too
I bet you have millions of stories and worries and things to say
And I will always listen, if listen to I may
And it's okay if you dont want to, I'm sort of a whatever
But I'm here and it suppose we could talk about the weather

**** everything and everyone
The school told me I couldn't start a lumberjack society because it wasn't
"Educational"
So **** them
This Thursday I'm doing it
I'm bring in pancakes and we are wearing flannel and there's nothing they can do to stop us
I just wanted this one thing,
Just one ******* thing
And if it's a stupid club
Where we wear flannel and eat pancakes
Then who are you to ******* stop me
To take this away from me
You can't
When someone needs something, they will do what ever they have to,
I need something,
And now it's this club
So just try and ******* stop me

Silver falls gently on soft green grass
Millions of souls still shining although they are passed
Lighting our way when the world has gone dark
Protecting our spirits and growing our hearts

The sorrow of the stars
Covers all of earth
Wet grass beneath my feet
Reminiscent of the golden birth
Dawn's fingers caress the sky
Her dawdling hands try to justify
Genocide with light, the world adorning
But the tears of the stars always remain
Remind
There's a reason we call it *mourning

The sun feels nice on my skin through the car windshield
As I sit in the grocery parking lot
And the leaves are that yellow-green and red color,
Still hanging on to the trees
And I am sick as well as alone
But I can see my mother walking towards me
And I know she will come sit beside me
And she will take me home

I'm walking down an empty path,
Breaking in earth as I try to last
The tears, the pain, the broken smiles,
But fear remains, though I've walked for miles,
My head pounds harder and my skin is numb,
The air is frost now, the shadows come,
The ghosts of my past have found me
Old hopes and dreams surround me,
Along with the others I had left for dead,
They wail and they scream and inside my head
The pounding gets louder, it grows and it grows,
And the shadows come closer, there's no where to go,
They're all around me now,
And they've bound me down, how
Did they find me, I thought I was gone,
Why did they bind me, it has been long
Enough for them to forget,
And the pounding gets louder still, and yet,
They are quiet as death,
Empty, staring, watching my breath,
How did they find me alone in this wood?
I guess shadows follow, as follow they should,
For without darkness there can be no light,
But these are too dark, and large in their height,
I can't see past them, to dark I succumb,
They have found me and bound me,
And now I am numb

I want to build things, I want to be someone who brings
New things into existence, someone who has given up all resistance
To denying who they are, so that I can make it far
Enough to find the end and away enough to be a friend
To those to scared to ask

I've always liked being alone,
Usually preferred it,
But you know how you meet someone
And you need to be with them?
Because it's like you've found a half of yourself you didn't even know you were missing until now?
And now that you do know, you feel it
You feel that emptiness
Because being with you,
It's not hard, it doesn't exhaust me,
It's just like when I'm alone,
Except I'm also
Finally
whole

He woke up in a white room
Surrounded by men in white coats
Begging his momma for water
And Robin had to watch through the window
As he cried
Convulsed
And the men said no
She had to watch her son
As the doctors pulled the plug
They say heavens a better place
And I think that's true
And I think he'll be happy,
Eating Mimi's cooking,
Watching his family from up there,
But Robin,
Little bird,
How long will it be until you can fly up to your son?

It's only when
You almost set your house
On fire
But put out the flames
Before they get too
Big
That you realize
"****, I shouldn't have left those paper towels so close to the stove".

If I were ever given the chance
To touch the sky with my unworthy hands,
I would put the stars back in their correct places,
Because night's jewels should be showing all your faces,
For you friends are the truest beauty
I've ever known

I have a great aunt
Wild light grey hair shoots out of her leathery wrinkled scalp
She's in the nursing home she desperately wanted to avoid
And she's been bordering death for years now
But her eyes still light up when I go to her room
And I hear her screech missus baby it's been a while!
And she smiles and she cackles at whatever I say
And grasps my hand
But I'm not the only one who visits her
Her mother does, sisters, more recently her brother
And they've been gone for a while now
And everyone says aunt dolly is crazy
But I think she's just about the sanest person I know

If you could build
A tower
That spiraled
Up
So
High
That it literally
Broke through
The sky
You would, so you could
Put her in the stars

isn't it sad we'll always remember the coyote from roadrunner because of his attempts at violence instead of his extremely realistic tunnel paintings?

Last night I wanted to go walk in the dark,
But the fear of the monsters quickened my heart,
And the promise of maybe kept me inside,
I gave in but giving in gave me no where to hide,
Because it was just as dark as I lay in my bed,
And the shadows grew taller inside my head,
The light in my heart dimmed and I chewed my thumb,
I could not face the dark, so instead I succumbed

Each soul has a melody
There are words in our mind, on our tongue,
Our hearts all share man's true rhythm,
It's been beating since this world had begun,
And some will ignore
Or ask us what for,
Wonder why we believe in chance,
And they will go,
But even then they will know,
There are songs so that man may dance

I don't know what I want,
I don't know who I am,
And I don't know why I am, for that matter,
I don't know what's going to happen,
Or what should,
But I do know,
Without a doubt,
You deserve to be happy,
And if they don't make you happy, run like hell, because that's the only way you're gonna get out

I'm scared, I'm terrified,
I am emptiness glorified,
I used to remember who I was,
But memories fade as emptiness does
Take over, it's taking everything,
My heart, my soul, now even memory?
My mind has always been all that I had,
Not much room for love when you're inherently sad,
It drives away some, and others don't really care,
Not about me, but I guess fair is fair,
But my mind doesn't matter
Because I'm mad as a hatter,
And it doesn't work all too well,
But I hide behind it, my protective shell,
And now it's cracking, the breaks are nerve wracking,
Because of emptiness's theft,
Because once it's gone, there won't be anything left

Leaning on a sliver stallion,
staring at the receding sun,
Prepared to face that ghost battalion,
That long ago has left me numb,
Each second seems to stay a year,
But flees for fright my coming fears,
And leaves me in the dark alone,
To watch and wait for what I've known
To come, to take me, they haven't yet,
But everytime I see the hint of a shadow, I'm reminded. They won't forget

It's funny, this world we live in,
Where toy dinosaurs are made of real dinosaur's bones,
Where even when others surround us we can feel so alone,
Where we feel we need to cover our souls,
Because somehow lead should be more appealing than gold

Years have passed
Since I was cast
Away, to sea

Learning to float
Turn rocks into boats
What we hate to be

And I will drown
I hear sirens in sounds
But still do not see

Trying to find
What's gone from my mind
I have to let free

It's never the same
But there's sort of an order
We leave as we came
Cross the same borders

And nobody knows
But they'll do what befits  
And that's how it goes
And we all go with it

It's hard to be the fourth child
I cannot meet all the precedents they have set
And I know that
But I hate the fact that it's true
And I hate that no matter how hard I may try,
I will not be a genius/writer,
I will not be a rebellious artist,
I will never be the perfect student with a musical streak who has never failed at anything in his life,
And all that I will be
Is their little sister
Who tried her hardest,
Who must've had a tendency towards masochism,
Because no one sets themself up for failure that many times in a row on purpose

I have lost people, people I loved,
They went to better friendships, or to somewhere above,
And I can see why they'd leave me, I mean I'm barely sane,
And what little I had lost a lot another had gained,
I guess I just never thought I'd be alone within,
But I guess how else can I atone for my sins?

As to the times and the seasons
As to men and their reason
For though things suddenly come
Whether be demons or the glorious son
We do not thrive in darkness
We were not made for the night
To us stars, angels, harken
You are the children of light

You know you're growing older when there's no more comfort in sleeping in your mothers bed,
And everything is confusing and complicated and so, so loud inside your own head,
But you know you're growing stronger when you head into the dark alone and found
Yourself actually trying to find the volume button, and turn all the pounding, the screaming voices,
down

Recently ive only been comfortable sitting in a ball hugging my legs closer to me
i even sleep like that
So Small
And in English class i saw you wanted me to read my writing out loud,
Kept asking anyone else while covertly glancing my way, seeing me shrug my shoulders up, sink into my seat and hide behind my hair,
And i know you were dissapointed in me, and i am so sorry, you're the only one who ever came close to thinking of me, you're the
only one
And im sorry i just can't do it
what if i was wrong or i confused people, or what if they looked at me and listened to what i wrote and then they weren't just looking at me they were seeing and i was wrong?
i know i was wrong, i always am
im sorry
and i know you would tell me i couldn't be wrong, and to face my fears, but at least im facing one,
ive always been facing one,
im so alone, there are people in my life but they don't know me,
i cant tell people and they can't see without my help
So ive been living out one thing that terrifies me my whole life
im completely and utterly alone
But for some reason, i don't think that would make you proud
it would make you sad
For me
And i don't know what to do
Because more than anything i want you to be proud of me,
But i can't show people me
i cant
But i also don't know if i can go on alone much longer

I'm not exactly happy right now
But I'm not exactly crying
And I'm not exactly living right now
But I'm not well on my way to dying
And people collectively are not exactly good
But neither are they bad
And it's been a while since I've stood
But I'm not sitting down sad
Because I am not defined by one action
We are constantly changing, growing,
Into who we need to be
We are not one moment of pain or satisfaction
We simply are and I am, and knowing
Knowing that keeps me free