I'm in my garage
Yellow paint on my fingers
Red on my nails
I'm spray painting and normal painting and everything in between
On a ukulele
From a show I don't really watch
For a person I don't really know
And that makes me sad
Because they don't know me either
But to be someone's friend you must know them
And right now
No one knows me
And I think I would like to change that
Because I think I would like to have a friend again
It's kind of nice
Most parts
From what I remember
But most of the people I know don't really understand friendship
Because they said "oh I love her!"
And then looked down at the table embarrassed as she ran away crying
And it left in awful taste in my mouth, seeing them, as I chased after her,
I do not like realizing things that make me sad
But I guess if it hadn't happened
Then I wouldn't have decided to try,
Her being upset was a very bad thing
But it strengthened who we were in relation to eachother
And it made me really realize, I've known all along, I suppose decide is more appropriate, and that is a good thing
It's funny how the world works that way

Leaning on a sliver stallion,
staring at the receding sun,
Prepared to face that ghost battalion,
That long ago has left me numb,
Each second seems to stay a year,
But flees for fright my coming fears,
And leaves me in the dark alone,
To watch and wait for what I've known
To come, to take me, they haven't yet,
But everytime I see the hint of a shadow, I'm reminded. They won't forget

I've always liked hiking
So if it be a mountain, your heart, something cold and desolate,
Something many have tried to climb but have failed
Something I must climb
To get to know you, see whats in your soul
Then I have one question for you
"Have you seen my hiking boots?"

I've been told contradictions don't exist
So why in the pit of my being is there a void and a mound of lead all at the same time?

Extrapolating from tomorrow
the sun will be in the sky
The birds and the bees
Will do as they please
For they have never asked why
Extrapolating from what's borrowed
We know this world is nigh
But they say we'll be saved
For love and His grace
No matter your faith or your crimes
Extrapolating from what was lost
It will never come back
But diffrent things
Children then wings
Will replace what it is you now lack
Extrapolating from what cost
We have paid for others
We are owed back tenfold
But don't want any gold
Just the love of our brothers

Recently ive only been comfortable sitting in a ball hugging my legs closer to me
i even sleep like that
So Small
And in English class i saw you wanted me to read my writing out loud,
Kept asking anyone else while covertly glancing my way, seeing me shrug my shoulders up, sink into my seat and hide behind my hair,
And i know you were dissapointed in me, and i am so sorry, you're the only one who ever came close to thinking of me, you're the
only one
And im sorry i just can't do it
what if i was wrong or i confused people, or what if they looked at me and listened to what i wrote and then they weren't just looking at me they were seeing and i was wrong?
i know i was wrong, i always am
im sorry
and i know you would tell me i couldn't be wrong, and to face my fears, but at least im facing one,
ive always been facing one,
im so alone, there are people in my life but they don't know me,
i cant tell people and they can't see without my help
So ive been living out one thing that terrifies me my whole life
im completely and utterly alone
But for some reason, i don't think that would make you proud
it would make you sad
For me
And i don't know what to do
Because more than anything i want you to be proud of me,
But i can't show people me
i cant
But i also don't know if i can go on alone much longer

I'm walking down an empty path,
Breaking in earth as I try to last
The tears, the pain, the broken smiles,
But fear remains, though I've walked for miles,
My head pounds harder and my skin is numb,
The air is frost now, the shadows come,
The ghosts of my past have found me
Old hopes and dreams surround me,
Along with the others I had left for dead,
They wail and they scream and inside my head
The pounding gets louder, it grows and it grows,
And the shadows come closer, there's no where to go,
They're all around me now,
And they've bound me down, how
Did they find me, I thought I was gone,
Why did they bind me, it has been long
Enough for them to forget,
And the pounding gets louder still, and yet,
They are quiet as death,
Empty, staring, watching my breath,
How did they find me alone in this wood?
I guess shadows follow, as follow they should,
For without darkness there can be no light,
But these are too dark, and large in their height,
I can't see past them, to dark I succumb,
They have found me and bound me,
And now I am numb

I think I understand now,
What you're trying to say, how
You need to save yourself, please friend,
Do so, stay alive, and so will I, I'm not ready for my end,
I will continue, though as we both know,
Everything changes, as if fate intended to throw
Us, cut us down from our feet,
And while we are down, rest your soul, sleep
If that is what you need, but I,
I can't stay, every second spent is paying to writhe
On the bottom in agony,
No, I cannot sleep, there will be no rest for me,
And I don't need you to fix me, I just needed someone who could understand,
No one else can save me, it must be by my own hand,
But know this, remember it when you awaken,
No matter what happens, you are my friend, I know you are, I know I'm not mistaken,
So I will get up, no matter how hard it will be,
Suffering into the truth, I must suffer to find me,
And maybe when you wake up I'll actually have done it,
I won't be alone, and you'll smile and Make me sit
Down and tell you how I did it,
How I found home

The star fell,
Children pointed as it plummeted,
And it was terrified,
It didn't know what was happening,
It didn't know why,
And the only things it thought it would meet wouldn't be very helpful,
The ground, and death,
And as it fell, its light faded,
And a swirling mass of silver and gold remained,
Still falling,
The ground was almost upon him,
But it looked like it was going to pass down through a whole building first,
It went through the roof,
Strange he thought,
I just went straight through, it didn't break,
It fell through a room where a lady in a cast was watching jeopardy,
And a room where it saw a boy with no hair, eating a cup of pudding,
The next room confused him the most,
There was an old man, hooked up to lots of devices, and him in all his blankets looked like a wrinkled pea in a pod,
Who seemed to see it fall, and smiled as it went,
One of the imensest joys it would ever forget,
And in the next room, there was a woman
Her belly was large, and she was crying,
And a man dressed in white stood at the foot of her bed,
Just push he said
You're doing great
And on her side there was a man,
Whose hand she clutched tightly,
Who told her you're okay, Cheryl, you're okay
And the doctor said here she is
And held up a cute little thing
She was screaming and her skin was red,
And now it realized it was going to hit her,
Tried to move but couldn't,
And it entered the little girl's body,
But it didn't go through like it thought it would,
It stayed,
And when the little girl opened her eyes, the light it thought it had lost shined in them like two new stars were born

I don't know a lot of things,
I don't know why leaves should be green and skies should be blue,
I don't know what can drive a person to do some of the things that they do,
I don't get why people can't just talk about how they feel,
And I will probably never learn to determine the difference between what is fake and what's real,
But I think I've learned
One must suffer into the truth because they cannot know true happiness without pain,
Heavenly bread should never be the cost of an earthly gain,
The only person you owe anything to is you,
And you deserve to be happy, no matter sins you've committed and ones you will do,
And the one thing I know to be infallibly true,
Is no matter what I tell myself, what I say, I think I may love you
But you don't feel the same way as me
And that's okay too

I heard a word that stirred my soul,
My heart, lips part, words start to roll
Off of tongue, the beauty sung hurt my lungs, breathe,
I remind myself, crying I find myself, it meant to grieve,
To smile, to walk a thousand miles on hot coals,
It drains a straining heart then a second later makes it full,
It surrounds us, it confounds us, leaves us bound to one another,
It gave me what might yet save me, bound me to all my brothers,
I regret how I forget things so fast, things that came from up above,
But I just woke and finally spoke that once forgotten word,
It's already fading, please come back to me,
Love

Everyone needs someone
Because I know we all run
And we'll need somewhere to go to
Or not somewhere really, but somewho

Others laugh, my voice is silent,
Others dream, my minds more violent,
Others see, my eyes are clouded,
Others smile, my minds too crowded,
But others are themselves, as I should be
I could learn a lesson from them, learn to be me

I've started to draw
A self portrait,
But I'm scared to really see
How I perceive myself

Roads divided
And hearts are blinded
By pain

For what?

Brain is pounding
Sirens are sounding
Insane

Enough?

I am still young
I could gaze at the sun
For years

what cost?

I have lost friends
But they weren't, in the end,
I tried

I lost

You know you're growing older when there's no more comfort in sleeping in your mothers bed,
And everything is confusing and complicated and so, so loud inside your own head,
But you know you're growing stronger when you head into the dark alone and found
Yourself actually trying to find the volume button, and turn all the pounding, the screaming voices,
down

I would like to help someone else,
Because then I might finally feel like I mattered

I think I need a break,
Everything here tears me down and rakes
My heart, and these wounds do not close,
I am an ant and life is a rose,
I try to climb to that sweet fragrance
But there are thorns to impale me and the other ants
Put me down, I'll never get to the soft red petals,
And right now if life were cars, I'd be in a rental,
And it's due the next day,
And I'm out of money, what could I say
Besides yeah you're right ok

tick                     *tick
             tock                    tock
The clock strikes twelve
And I delve
Into thoughts
I thought I forgot
But here they are
Gold and marred
Crying and dying for
I can save but one before
They're gone

I think it's strange
How people all need eachother
We're like little love parasites
Feeding off our brothers
And I don't know why we need it
I guess our souls get hungry too
And you know, I'm kind of lonely,
And I need some love from you

I have lost people, people I loved,
They went to better friendships, or to somewhere above,
And I can see why they'd leave me, I mean I'm barely sane,
And what little I had lost a lot another had gained,
I guess I just never thought I'd be alone within,
But I guess how else can I atone for my sins?

The sun feels nice on my skin through the car windshield
As I sit in the grocery parking lot
And the leaves are that yellow-green and red color,
Still hanging on to the trees
And I am sick as well as alone
But I can see my mother walking towards me
And I know she will come sit beside me
And she will take me home

Last night I wanted to go walk in the dark,
But the fear of the monsters quickened my heart,
And the promise of maybe kept me inside,
I gave in but giving in gave me no where to hide,
Because it was just as dark as I lay in my bed,
And the shadows grew taller inside my head,
The light in my heart dimmed and I chewed my thumb,
I could not face the dark, so instead I succumbed

I know I have people who love me,
But sometimes I feel so alone,
But this wonderful thing happened,
I've been dreaming about it for years now, I've wanted it but I was for a while too scared to chase after it, scared it wouldn't amount to my day dreams,
But it's happening,
I get to make it happen,
It wouldn't seem like such a big deal to anyone else,
Just me being ridiculous,
Like always,
But sometimes you just need something good in your life,
To remind you happiness is possible,
When words cannot,
And I've needed that for a while now, and I got it,
I GOT IT,
And no one else can understand how it makes me feel,
But that's just it,
It makes me feel,
I'm happy!
It's been a while, but I'm happy,
Instead of empty,
For however long this lasts, I'm happy!

I'm currently at a family party
I was grabbing a chicken finger
When I saw my great uncle
How are you
He asks
I smile
Say
I'm fine
And
He
Chuckled

Said
I don't believe that

I ask why

He says

Because
I
Know
You

It's only when
You almost set your house
On fire
But put out the flames
Before they get too
Big
That you realize
"****, I shouldn't have left those paper towels so close to the stove".

I wish someone could show me
That I'm not alone

**** everything and everyone
The school told me I couldn't start a lumberjack society because it wasn't
"Educational"
So **** them
This Thursday I'm doing it
I'm bring in pancakes and we are wearing flannel and there's nothing they can do to stop us
I just wanted this one thing,
Just one ******* thing
And if it's a stupid club
Where we wear flannel and eat pancakes
Then who are you to ******* stop me
To take this away from me
You can't
When someone needs something, they will do what ever they have to,
I need something,
And now it's this club
So just try and ******* stop me

The sorrow of the stars
Covers all of earth
Wet grass beneath my feet
Reminiscent of the golden birth
Dawn's fingers caress the sky
Her dawdling hands try to justify
Genocide with light, the world adorning
But the tears of the stars always remain
Remind
There's a reason we call it *mourning

Imagine a balloon
So high up in the air all you can see is a red dot
With a string, miles long, connecting it to a golden anchor
By your feet
And you have a pair of scissors
Would you cut the string and let it fly into a mysterious oblivion
Possibly just a balloon graveyard, but maybe an adventure, where the whole sky is pink save for a few golden threads
Or reel it down and retie it on the anchor, beautiful, but static, only a slight wind to add any variation,
if there was ever even a wind at
all
Or would you cut the balloon, and take it with you, where ever you choose to go?

If you could build
A tower
That spiraled
Up
So
High
That it literally
Broke through
The sky
You would, so you could
Put her in the stars

A man
Alone
Only comfort in sleep
Because only in sleep
Do the others come back
He dreams their lives
Their loves
Their pain
Their loss
But they aren't real
Only he is
What happens to them when he wakes up?

I remember everything,
Stupid jokes, laughing,
Deep conversations and knowing smiles,
I remember,
And you, you who were my best friend, as I was yours, have all but forgotten,
And I'm sorry, I won't expect you to remember me, or think of me again, because you've found something better, something to show you our friendship was insignificant I guess,
But it still hurts, I never thought my own brother, who had earned that title from me with more than blood,
Wouldn't think to save one thought of then,
But what can I expect?
There won't ever be someone to remember little details about me so intimately,
I haven't even had someone to be interested consistantly in spending time with me,
It's not even that I'm always ignored,
I go unthought of,
And I think that's even worse

Whatever endeavor I choose to try
Whatever a feather can make you fly
Whatever did sever the old mans head
Whatever does tether a life to dead
Whatever pulled lever can make a change
Whatever a leather for foot can't save
Whatever a word may mean to mean
Whatever a heart can seem to seem
And whether words heard can be true
That fate can control what we may do,
Whatever forever fills in the spots
Of questions, of ises, and of nots