You make me question the what ifs. What if i told you how i feel? What if we had a straight forward conversation instead of tip toeing around topics? When i think about what to say to you only the clichés come to mind like “i hate you because you make me feel this way”.

I have never felt this way about anyone and i dont know if im making this all up in my head but i know im not because i know you and ive talked to you enough. Its not the same as before because im not making a version of you in my head just to get disappointed. The version in my head of you is who you are. I think you’re better than me in so many ways. I finally understand what they felt about me and that it was real for them because i feel that way about you. Tell me you do too? You make me question so much, its unfair.

I go back to when our hands touched thrice. Do you think about that ever?

home
/həʊm/


noun 
the place where one lives permanently, especially as a member of a family or household.

the feeling of sadness that overcomes me every now and then is what i feel the most associated with. it gives me the fulfillment that no other feeling can offer. sitting on the floor with tears continuously falling down my cheeks. and i turn to the mirror and there i am. back to 2016, or 2012 with the same flushed face and watery eyes. the same thoughts running through my head. this is the feeling of home

the next time your mind goes on wondering about it again, remember this. every love story has ended in tragedy whether it be death, war, or sickness and i will consciously never let that happen to us even if it means i dont tell you how i feel and you wonder why you deserve this hell