"In a dream, I was untrue
Shot up in sweats and I knew it was you
All the while as I traced her spine
You tore up my head, through my peace of mind"

I wept for you again
with the slow music playing
in the back of my mind.

I brought it forward
All of it.
I faced the truth, the fear
the connection I still felt.

But I saw it.
I saw you.
I heard you.
And I felt the pull down

Into that blackness
that you so love to dwell in,
Unforgiving.

"If you breathe in, then I breathe in
And slowly let go
If you need it, then I need it
And only we'll know"

I feel our hearts still
connected in a sick way.
******* our lives,
draining our colour.

But slowly,
painfully.
We let it free.
Let ourselves be free.

"Can't be the same as we lie in the light
Knowing full well, your virtue's my vice
In the night we are one
Till the moment is gone
Till my race has been run"

It's over.
We've both crossed that threshold
and can no longer return.
But we are still connected.

And will always be.
Unfortunately.
Fortunately.
But only we will feel it.

"If you breathe in, then I breathe in
And slowly let go
If you need it, then I need it
And only we'll know"

And you say to me:

"Your sorry words need not know my mind
So refrain from use"

And I finally close my eyes
and shut my mouth,
forever silent to you.
From this moment forth.

But just remember
you can never rid me from yourself
and I can never rid you from myself.
You are forever imprinted.

"If you breathe in, then I breathe in
And only we'll know"

The smell of old books and beer
spilled upon the streets
leaves my mind at ease to wander
amid the smokey bars and jazz beats.

I speak to an old woman
who sits upon a velvet stool
She runs the lovely book shop
but swears she was once a fool

"A fool for love." she says to me
and my mind begins to race and run
"I once too was a musician.."
Of course! She was listening to Beethoven for fun!

"I left college for him. I gave up music for a normal life "
My heart sank further, as I thought about her strife.


Her blue eyes became a bit watery
and I asked her if she liked working here
She looked at me and smiled and said,
"Of course I do, my dear."

I let my eyes meet hers
and there, I saw the past
The person that I could have been
If I had given up at last.

I ran to the bookshelves
and hid behind their words.

I felt terribly ill all of a sudden
and began to sob uncontrollably.

It didn't help when I turned around
that there on the shelf,
was a book of John Donne poems
and therefore, you, yourself.

I searched through the book
to find that one sonnet

that you showed me after we parted
...my eyes quickly darted...

But, to no avail would I see it,
for I had forgotten the phrase
Much like I had forgotten all the good
in our life while we were in that daze.

So I sobbed upon the bookstore floor
and threw the poems away from me.
For I knew that no matter where I was,
you, there, would always be.

My heart drops further into my stomach
as I stare at this picture

I can't help but want you even more,
as I stare at this picture

I've been staring at it for so long
that I almost believe that it's real
and I reach out to touch your face
but am rudely denied by reality.

Who are you? Who am I?

Who are we?

Is it even possible anymore
to see the beautiful lines of your face
or do I just shudder back
and understand it won't be anything

How do I attain that simple mind?
The simple thought of happiness
and of understanding suffering?
How?

I must not, to start, dream
as I stare at this picture.

For an instant, I saw your reflection
and, for a moment, I touched your fingertips
through the glass, as if it were water
Your glance was so clear
and sharp through that light
I almost stuttered as I shook
from the force of it all.
But I pushed too far and it cut too deep
and the edges of your face
slipped from view and I was left
shattered on the floor,
once again.

Fingertips graze the spine
as the mind unhinges its
large jaws of speech,
Gnawing at the prospect
of knowing you through time
and space.
What enters my heart is
no longer darkness
But only the light of the
beautiful earth. I
descend into my body
again. Even after my
trancendental experience.
I give myself to the music
as it always is rushing
through my veins. Blood
that is an inferno of
statement and philosophy.
Where do you stand in this
game with me? Checkmate?
Pawn? Bishop? King?
Slide into me oh Rook.
Destiny calls to us.

I dive down again, into profoundly deep waters.
This time, I have nothing to shield me.

As I sink to the bottom, I'm aware
that this feeling is not something I've ever experienced.

The fear takes over my body,

my Breath is taken from me.
This beauty around me is all that I see.

Of course, look at that –
behold the exquisiteness of this terrifying place.

The azure of the depth
The softness of the sands
I reach out and caress a dolphin
and it even kisses my hands.

Though I sense the similarity of
the Pacific waters before,
I can surely tell it's the Atlantic
by how my body adores

and explores those endless drops
of the frightening sea
My soul expels its discomfort
and suddenly, I'm Free.

I breathe in fidelity and twist
my mouth into a smile
I can already tells that no matter what,
this dive was definitely worth while.

I allow the ocean to wrap itself around my figure,
as I swim to the sky with strength
and new found vigor.

The clouds in the sky are fluffy runs
With the imprint of skis passing through them
In perfectly rounded patterns of the experienced skier
And in zig zags of someone who may not be so inclined.

I drive to my next task, the sun burning my face with intensity
And I breathe in the cool spring air that juxtaposes the blazing star.

It's so beautiful and yet so dim.
Those memories fill my mind with a thick smoke of remorse and regret.
Beautiful images turn to ugly truths as I drive down 95.

I turn on the music to hear a good song,
Hoping that my playlist of feel good music will help to lift the burden.
And yet, I'm still caught thinking about you
Amid the overbearing wash of depeche mode.

I love their songs as much as I love you still. It's a forever love that even after weeks of not thinking and not listening, I still return to that hollow yet comfortable place.

My mind rolls on to other thoughts as I roll the window down to aid the wind in caressing it's fingers through my hair. I allow nature to substitute for you.

I only wish the rays from the sun would be as gentle as your touch once was and not harsh like the words that were spoken between us.
And I wish the clouds did not form into such shapes as to remind me of that smirk you held as you skied beside me, so proud of my progress.
And I wish the wind was you instead of simply just being wind.

But instead, as I drive and think all these wishful thoughts, there is not an element to nature that can dry my tears like you.

I sob as the sun presses and the clouds move. The wind continues to caress me and I can only accept the little bit of solace I get from it.

God bless the wind.