Sometimes it seems to me that your ultimate goal is to see me broken.
You sit in your chair and twiddle my hearts strings between your fingers.
You strum my chords until the melody becomes too similar to your own.
Then you knot each of my hearts  strings up individually,
Leaving me strung.
Only so you can start all over.
You learn me just to forget me.
Lead me just to leave me.
I'm a game that you love to play.
But only when you haven't smiled a genuine smile for a while.
I make you happy and nervous at the same time.
Cause everyone knows that a sweet hello births the most bitter goodbye.
So when it feels too real, it's too easy for you to run.
In the meantime you just walk the line.
You reside on the equator of my past and future.
And my resistance only assists your thrive.
You are the factor which brings life to my smile.
You are the crease in between my cheek and the corner of my mouth.
Every breathe I take while with you amplifies my high.
I hate you, but I love how you make me feel.
But only sometimes.
You are a wound that will never heal completely.
Marking me imperfectly beautiful. You are my creative collaborator.
Forever infected by your loves venom.
Therefore I bleed thee.
But, we don't relate anymore.
Our pitters don't patter on beat anymore.
Our paths don't meet anymore.
It seems like your hearts not even in reach anymore.
I figure to leave is the only way to settle the score.
But you've packed my bags and you opended the door.

I miss you
There I said it
Those words I promised to keep a secret
Locked away in my heart
Yearning to see the sun
To escape and tell everyone
My deepest secrets
And as I see you with her
Its then when I realize
I was stupid
And wrong
Because I remember
Your kiss
Your soft kiss that made my heart leap
When your soft lips connected with mine
And they danced
Oh they danced
Like two lovers dancing the night away
Because even though they both knew they should leave
They had each other
And that's all that mattered

I stay up at night thinking about the first time
You said you loved me
And I remember
The way your eyes lit up
After you finished forcing the words out
Because even though you meant every word that left your mouth right then and there
You were nervous
And I remember that because
After the words escaped your mouth
You kissed me
But this kiss was different
This kiss was so much more
It meant so much more

And I couldn't help but laugh
When your nervousness got the best of you
And you tripped
And we fell
You on top of me
And I remember this
Because it was then that I knew
You were all I need

And I so desperately wish I could have that back
But I ruined it
I was wrong
It wasn't for the best
I just didn't want to be broken

So now I get to sit here
Watching you be happy with her
Doing everything you did with me
But that's how it works I guess
So I'll just follow along with the script
Because its the only thing I can do
And its all I will do
For the rest of my life
I just have to face the fact
That I am and forever will be
*Heartbroken

These are the kids you spent nearly every waking moment with for 12 years
These are the kids with whom you drank your first beer.
The ones who lit your first cigarette.
These are the kids that taught you to inhale and exhale, not just the smoke, but life too.
These are the kids that approved your first guy.
These are the kids that stepped up when that guy messed up.
These are the kids that picked you up after heartbreak
These are also the kids that broke your heart.
The ones who can fix anything but not what they've done.
These are the kids that turned into what they always protected you from.
These are the kids that crushed your lungs, making you forget how to inhale and exhale.
These are the kids who's decisions were like a lit cigarette burnt into your skin and the jagged, broken edge of a beer bottle to your head.
These are the kids you have to learn to live every waking moment without.

When it comes to you,
I'll wait.
You're eyes are bait,
But I won't bite.
I'll sit up straight.
I'll respond,
Not instigate.
I promise,
I'll wait.
I've got time.
I'll need it at this rate.

you are a flood
in my brain,
snaking into all
my cracks and
crevices. I tried
to shake you
out of my
thoughts today
but all you did
was slosh around
and settle back
comfortably in
place. maybe I'm
not supposed to
drain you.

there was a boy,
sitting under an apple tree
with a calculus textbook on his lap
and headphones dangling

I suppose I fell in love
with the way he nibbled on his chapped fingers
and the way he runs his hands through his messy midnight hair,
his deep sighs as he continues to rub off his mistakes on his calculus homework,
trying to figure out whether x=1 or x= -2.
And I fell in love with the way he snaps his fingers and grins and chuckles softly when victory and justice in that calculus question was prevailed.  

there was something about the way he smiled
that healed her scarred soul

there was something in him that
made the little black butterflies flutter with joy deep inside her

there was something about him
that she simply couldn't explain

something about him that she couldn't figure out, like missing puzzles

He wasn't mine, but I fell in love with him.