It started out good, It started out sweet,
your hug, your hand, your warm embrace,
your eyes looking into mine, I saw kindness and warmth in your eyes
and I stupidly mistake it for love,
I honestly thought we'd last, I thought you were "the one".
But really I was wrong
You used me for a friend
I wish I could have seen through the lies
I wish I could have saw what was really in your eyes
the love in their wasn't for me, just the girl who was always next to me
when you'd smile or take my hand,
was it her you saw?
was it her you pretended to hug and hold?
Was it her you dated me to forget?
Does it matter that I am dying inside?
Does it matter that I actually loved you, that I always will?
Does it matter that I stay up and cry for you?
I stay up night after night thinking why wasn't I good enough for you?
What did I do wrong?
I wonder I cant mean something to you, why I didn't matter.
I wonder why didn't I see you for real, that you didn't care, that you never will?
I really do love you, and I know it may be hard to believe since I just let you leave
but how can I hold on to someone who doesn't care...who loves my friend and not me...?

drunk on the pavement,
Jeffrey Campbell Lita's,
trashed on ***** bottles,
smashed & abandoned,
an easy blunt,
floating through,
social groups,
turbulence triggers flashbacks,
laughter accustoms a,
pendulum of excessive desires,
swinging to & fro,
battles of wars wage within,
cigarette blunts pierce open *******,
stings & burns,
red yellow ashes spark,
black lingerie,
a new lover,
she's cast away with,
ghosts of past,
scarred.

© Sia Jane