Right now I feel like exploding
I have so many words to say yet I have none at all
Not a single word of the mortal tongue can describe this feeling
It is dread and despair locked together with confusion and regret
But it is still much better then the happiness of water
I'm more afraid of my own smiles then my tears
I don't know what to do or why
I'm afraid that whatever joy I gain will be lost
I don't want to feel empty again
So I'll feel bitter and alone instead

I was always taught that forever was a long time
That it was something I would know until my dying breath
I didn't know it was something so fragile
That in a blink of an eye it would be over
That my forever would turn into another needless memory
That ripped my heart apart

My mother just told me she was leaving
That the pain caused by my family was far to great
That the years of verbal and physical abuse from my father killed her
But while she told me this
Tears in her eyes wanting to know if I'd be alright
If this was far too big a burden for me to handle
I did not react
Just simply got annoyed at the fact that she took me away from my game
I was annoyed that she told me she wanted to die
And even my sister was in tears
But I said nothing
And I only glanced back at my computer impatiently
and I still don't care
I still don't care if she leaves or stays
I only care if it means that I'm alone
Because that is my only solace
Perhaps I am mad or heartless
I don't know
and
I don't care

Only, when a screen can hide my face, I am kind
The words that jump from my mouth burn the heart
They are needles, hurting you so you bleed but live
The words that fall from my fingers are so kind
That they make you feel secure
and I simply can't understand
How that makes it okay for me to hurt you
With the constant assault of my bitter tongue

My eyes refuse to open
The light is too heavy for me to carry
The darkness is what helps me breathe
For my stress is a fog
Which is poison to my lungs

Goodbye, my love
I'll see you in my dreams
Created by a red haze
and a self inflected end