I see a world slowly dying -
Voices dying to be heard,
Stories dying to be told..

People dying to live.

& I want to save them all

The mess I call me, the broken fragments that begin to mend like a medley;
Not perfect, not petite; sometimes happy, sometimes in need.
My thoughts consume & cloud my eyes,
Though sometimes I can see clearly through my own disguise.
My days are bright, though my days seem never ending;
My nights get dark, sometimes too dark to feel God’s mending.
My eyes sparkle; sometimes with light, sometimes with tears,
But my eyes are full of love –just don’t let the Devil near.
My world gets hectic, some days it’s hard to see,
But I was made to be loved & to be imperfectly me.

Momentary fits of numbness & insanity;
I didn’t chose this state of mind, it was placed upon me.
Why was I given this life, this heart, this mind;
Why was I given this hell, these burdens that aren’t mine!
My heart gets heavy, my eyes slide shut,
The feeling begins; I wish it was easy not to cut.
Just the thought of releasing my pains
Sends adrenaline surging through my veins.
To cut open my wrist, to see the blood spout;
I don’t know why, but sometimes it’s my only way out.
I fight it off, the razors & scissors fly across the room,
But sometimes I wish I was 6 ft under my tomb.
My pain becomes too heavy to bare,
That not even the idea of love is a care.
Take my pain away from me; take it all,
But no one else could carry this; I don’t know how I stand tall.

The people who mean the most to me are no longer the people who they use to be. Some days are easier than others when trying to deal with this fact. Some days the pain subsides & I'm able to put those haunting thoughts away, but then there are those days..these nights..when the pain feels as though it's tearing through my chest.. As if its death grip is grabbing a hold of my heart & squeezing the life right out of it.

My life is a mixed up mess of what once was & what is yet to be, & this struggle is taking its toll on me right now.

I ******* hate this disease more than anything in this world

The scar tissue that I'm wrapped in may be ugly & discouraging at times, but this scar tissue wipes away my tears when they fall, they pick up that hair brush to start the day..
They're the ones who are able to touch your face, your chest, your skin & register that they're not alone in this world.
Never more am I alone.

My bestfriend, my brother, my heart.
I don’t know how we let this get us;
I don’t know how we let this tear us apart.

The devil swept in & stole you away;
He took my life, he took my friend.
He took you down & led you astray.

This battle is long & this battle is tough;
I don’t know when or how,
But I know our faith is enough.

Another year passes & things remain tattered,
The pieces are torn & broken,
These fragments of my heart that’s shattered.

I must let you go & let you be;
I can’t stand to see you suffer;
Your choices are killing me.

Though there are words I do not say,
This distance I must keep;  
But I hope you have a blessed & happy birthday.

Please when you find your strength come back to me;
I can’t handle this pain, this void, this empty hole in my heart.
This fist shaped hole that’s rotting within me is begging for you to come back.
Please find your inner strength & save yourself… I can’t stand this empty soul you’ve become.
I love you with every inch of this heart of mine !!!!

...
I haven't cut much at all since that day,
mostly because I know that there's another way.

I never intended for the cuts to be permanent.
I wasn't trying to die, that's not what I meant.

I used to cut to deal with the memories that always came,
but now they arrive less often & bring less pain.

These marks on my arms I will always hate,
because now I realize what's at stake.

I now have happiness & joy that I can lose,
& my future all depends on what I choose.

My scars hadn't affected me the way they do now.
To live without cutting, I didn't know how.

I didn't know how to experience joy
because all I knew how to do was destroy.

No matter what happens I know I will survive,
even though my scars will always show the suffering I've endured since I was five.

At least now I actually have some closure
& I can finally start to get this over.

Now I know the identity of the man I can blame,
but I know I will survive: No Pity, No Silence, No Shame.