This pain makes me want to slice open a vein & bleed free.

I cannot stand your demon seduced lies or your drug induced vacant eyes.
I cannot stand the devil beside you or the demon inside you.

This pain makes me want to slice open a vein & bleed free.

Mind expanding, thought inducing, spirit growing;
my life, my heart, my soul;
this love, this pain, this slowly reducing hole.
The wounds mend, the pain still stings,
the road to recovery, redemption, & so it begins.  
This is me, this is my time to progress.
I'm not going to die, there's still pounding in my chest.

It's rare that I have moments of positive self-reflection, but I've recently realized just how much I've grown since this journey has begun. It's been a rough few years; I've felt agonizing pain of the heart & soul, but those moments have molded me into the person I am today, & I'm proud to say that I'm uniquely me -someone with a heart as grand & as deep as the sea. My life has been scarred, but my soul has been cleaned; forgiveness has been given & now I'm set free. I'll make a difference in this world, I know. "How?" By giving love unconditionally. Without love, this world ceases to be. My heart may be beaten & bruised, but it's still knock, knock, knocking in my chest & it's begging to be heard; my heart is not my own, though it resides within me. My heart is not my own, it is for all of you to see. This is who I was meant to be.

I don't know what I'm looking for, I don't know where I'm heading.
I don't have any plans, I don't have any goals.
I'm terrified by the thought, though I realize that through my empty reservations,
I am truly free.

Our minds are what create our stress, our doubt, our fear, our anxiety, our questions. More times than I can count have I wished for silence within just so I can see & hear clearly without any preconceived notions. I want to live my life through feeling! I don't want logic or "morals" to control my way of living... I want to act based on feelings, not based on what I think or what others think. I want my heart & my emotions to drive this soul of mine. Not many people do, which is why I know certain people were placed in my life. I'm sorry if at times my cluttered mind gets the best of me & creates chaos, but I swear it's only bc this fist of blood that pounds in my chest is begging to take over.

City life, streets alive,
You & me, by our sides.
Walking, talking,
Hand in hand,
Taking in the city's land.
Laughing, smiling; no one better
to be with, to love with in this weather.
You are mine & I am yours,
Perfect, beauty with no cause.
Automatic, natural, the way you are.
Shining, lighting me up like a star.
Ignite my soul, I surrender & fall
into your arms & give you my all.
One day.
I long for this, I long for you;
I long for the day when we can be true.
Until that day when we are one,
Just know that you are the one I love.

I feel weak because of you & I'm trying to understand if that's a good or bad thing.
I love you -truly & fully.
I love your mind, your spirit, your soul.
My soul feels yours, my soul loves yours.
It's because of this that I feel so weakened;
you have this power over me, you have this advantage.
You have my heart to do whatever you please with it.
I am vulnerable at best & though I trust you, I do not trust myself.
I tend to put myself in harmful & dangerous situations, such as the one we're placed in.
I trust your words & I trust your 'I love you,' but it's terrifying.
I want you to be mine & the worst part is that you love me too, yet we can't be right now.
Am I "wasting" my time?
Am I letting myself fall for you for no reason?
My heart hurts because of this, because of you, yet you make it light as a feather.
You make me fly, & my God I want so badly to be able to soar this beautiful sky with you.
I love you & I'll be ****** if that's not enough, for what else do I have to offer?
I have nothing.. Nothing except this red, unyielding heartbeat that's bleeding with only love & protection.
That's all I have to offer you, but in my world -in our world, I believe- that would always be enough.