I've struggled for years in not knowing how to act
What to do or how to handle situations that might need great care
Only taught how to spend money and make fun of others
While my aunt was teaching her kids etiquette
My mother was teaching me everything but.
Pretending to care about me around others
At home it was daily insults, drinking and abuse.
I never knew what to do, always being afraid and intimdated by her
Hearing her voice of insults still today, I most of the time don't know
What to do, or which end is up.
She has destroyed me inside and out
The daily unstability that I feel with in myself.
Knowing that still today she would never approve or accept me
I was never good enough and, could never please her no matter what I did.

Unable to fulfill things in life I should have, but never having help
to get to where I need to be or should have been.

My life is full of confusion, wishing many times I was not here.
only holding on for a child,  I hope I've done a better job raising

A few years ago I was forced to move, having to dump all my beautiful furniture to afford the move.
I have had to furnish my home with furniture that had been dumped.

Some how with a glimmer of hope and feeling inside that I'm the luckiest person and I have so much.

I suffer with Agoraphobia and anxiety not knowing what to do next. Sometimes afraid to check the mail or take out the trash.

Hearing again my mothers voice, the disappointment I am to her.

No one has had to do what I've had to do to survive. Well maybe some have, but not in my family. I am the black sheep of the family.

There once was a stubborn horse named Robert
Who wished he could send his owner into orbit

Robert was named after my grandfathers close friend
Stubborn, to take advice or suggestions, he'd never bend

For when he was called, only to my grandmother he’d respond
Because of my grandfather for some reason, he wasn’t too fond

On Roberts back my grandfather would climb
And rode him to the fields, to work till dinner time

Grandfather always wondered if Robert ever caught on
To his nemesis who always pulled a bait and switch con

All rights reserved
Copyright 2022

Two happy little squirrel's playing near the curb
Driving by in my car I didn't want to disturb

They acted as if they wanted to cross
I slowed down and took a quick pause

First one crossed, and then another
And were happily once again together

Hope many others will want do the very same
Not watching out for animals would be a shame


Copyright 2022
All rights reserved
PUBLISHED IN 2024
published in the Crawfordsville, Indiana newspaper

Two boys were playing enjoying their wonderful Spring break
Living in the same neighborhood their friendship could partake

They were close friends and played together quite often
''till one day that they should have taken extreme precaution

They broke into a locked gun cabinet; the gun fell to the floor
A gun discharged hit the boy and he went running out the door.

Ambulance and police Found him in the friend’s back yard
Later dying in a hospital, his friends and family were scarred

He'd collapsed in a panic while running to his home
So now forever as a ghost this boy will always roam

One boy who grew up to be a man, never talked of this story again
He may tell the story to his wife and kids, or perhaps not even then

The death of his friend he carried very many years of guilt
This boy who turned into a man will always carry this to the hilt.

That boy was my friend, that I never got to grieve
For it is everyday that I will continue to bereave

Copyright 2022
All rights reserved

Tangled Emotions-The Covid-19 Effect

I feel like we (I) are living in suspended animation, stop action, or caught in a time warp, on pause, on hold, virtual reality, surreal, dazed, stuck, and drugged, in a fog, between two worlds. This doesn’t feel real to me. When will I wake up?

All these emotions are running amok in me. I feel I’m being pulled in many directions, what am I supposed to do, think or feel? How am I supposed to act? What is expected of me? Who am I? Where do I go from here? What’s next?

I can’t think, I can’t feel, I can’t breathe, I’m numb to the very core, I’m expecting something bad to happen, something that may or may not ever come. I feel like in my head that I’m a prisoner that can never get out. I want to cry but I can’t, I want to scream but I can’t, I want to hide but I can't, I want to run, but I can’t. I’m waiting for death, I’m waiting for life.

I’m in the middle of nowhere, floating in space, I’m in the middle of the field and as far as I can see there are trees and grass, but no people or animals, and no other life. I’m running in circles, and I can’t stop, my head is spinning like a top. Waiting for uncertainty to stop I am alone.

This is building inside me like a volcano, and the New Madrid fault lines are rumbling, this is a Tsunami ready to flow but there is nowhere for any of this “fallout” to go, Trying to make the best out of a merciless situation.

Copyright 2020
all rights reserved

Music of long ago reminds me of old boyfriends.
Taking me back to the exact time of my life
Memories I treasure, and have little regret
of things I did, people I hung around with
and places I went.
Still wanting to feel young and relive those times
Heading into my sixties, it can only be a dream
Now all I have to look back on is the memories
and the smells of yesteryears past.

In the early morning hours of a crisp foggy November
Driving down the dusty road a few weeks before December

Noticed a truck from a distance not moving with lights on
Driving closer  I noticed a person sitting, hours before dawn

Got out of my truck and walked up to the drivers' side to check
Only to be terrified to find out that this guy died in a wreck.

Finding no skid marks on the road
The victim probably never slowed

A guy hit a tree head-on and instantly died
I ran back panicking to my truck to hide.

His face was not a face it was mangled
Torn up in cut glass and his nose dangled

Never reported the accident to the police
After seeing this I wanted some peace

Later in the day, a newspaper was delivered
The man who died, I knew and I shivered

Not realizing it was my friend
I knew it was that person's end

Too drunk to call on the authorities
Not wanting to be arrested was my priority

The man was already deceased
At that time he needed a priest

I read in the newspaper the guy died on impact
Wasn't worried since the cause of death was a fact

Never forget that horrible blustery day
That I was drunk and walked away



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Copyright 2019