One minute
I believe I'm okay.

But then I
take a moment

and I think,
and the tears

come again.
So fast

they can't be
stopped.

I feel like my toes aren't touching the ground anymore
The melody in my ears elates me , elevates me
The rhythm makes my wings peak out
Which were once, forever hidden
This euphoric state of mine makes me forget
Forget everything
My broken heart and my wounded soul
Seem non-existent

For a second I forget we even had a fight
The it came crashing down on me
those waves of pain colliding with my cold body

I wish I could turn time
To tell my past self
Prevent anything from
happening

They say everything happens for good
but does it really?

I don't know if losing you made me
a good or bad person
but it sure did make me a sad one

give me a second chance?

I hate changing rooms
In malls
I pick out the dress
I wanna check out
And get into a stall
The changing rooms
Are deserted when I get in
But by the time
I get out
Everyone is standing
No idea for what

Their eyes bore holes
Through my body
Going up and down it
Like and escalator
Like I’m a celebrity
Like I’m the meme
They forgot to look at
Like my self-respect does not exist
Like I’m eagerly
Waiting….

Waiting for their expressions
To speak
Eye twitching?
You look amazing
Frown on the face?
What the hell is she wearing?

Jaw clenching?
She killed fashion
AGAIN!!
Lips puckering?
She looks modest

But hold up
Listen, listen, listen
I am not waiting for
Your approval
In fact save those compliments
And insults
For yourselves

Because right now
With your eyes
Practically looking at me
Like I’m a toy
A toy you can choose if it fantasizes you
Eye it, leave it if it disgusts you
Is the only reason why

I want to lock myself
Up in a stall and die
The only reason why
I want to **** myself
So I don’t need to breathe
The same judgmental
Air as you

The only reason why

I want to cry myself another river
Break the bridges I built
And get stranded
On the other side

I like to tell myself
that I am paralyzed
I command all my body parts
to be as still as they can
not moving an inch
I hold my breath
so it doesn't disturb the peace

I can feel the blood
running in my veins
feel my heartbeat
on the tips of my fingers

I could stay just like that
until I need to catch another breath

its almost like
being underwater

this world makes me sad
it fills me with pain
to see so many people
suffering
to see them in so much agony

but what breaks me
is i am powerless witness to this

my mom calls me fat
she has been for a long time
but what astonishes me
is that she has the courage
to tell me
that her father called her fat
too