my hate for you
turns into hate for me
so when u ask me if I love myself
I want to scream no
but I smile, instead.

lead me on
then leave me
halfway

I'm so close to you
I want to kiss your nose
and all those moles
all the scars
and that huge birthmark

I think I'm going crazy

I want to touch you
in places I shouldn't be
I want to feel you
I want you
I want

are sealed
they're sewn closed
they're super-glued shut
they're taped
they're fastened safely
they're stapled properly

the itch to
open and devour a book
filling myself
with emotions
that help me escape
reality
that bury my sadness
six feet deep

the urge to stay
and drown myself
in the abyss
of the
beauty
of
the language

will u read my poems
and not say anything?
because sometimes it
feels good to know
not everyone is a
backseat driver

PLEASE - POTASSIUM
SEND - SODIUM
CATS - CALCIUM
MONKEYS - MAGNESIUM
AND - ALUMINIUM
ZEBRAS - ZINC
IN - IRON
TALL - TIN
LARGE - LEAD
CAGES - CARBON
SOON - SILVER
GOODBYE - GOLD
PLEASE - PLATINUM



(REACTIVITY SERIES...…. WRATH OF THE EXAMS)

my mom calls me fat
she has been for a long time
but what astonishes me
is that she has the courage
to tell me
that her father called her fat
too

you nurtured us
cared for us like a tree
ur canopy protecting us from
the harsh rays of the sun
ur juicy, ripe fruits
drowned our hunger
ur strong trunk
ur long branches
ur roots
u never asked anything of us
just peacefully in the cool breeze
u swayed

bit by bit
piece by piece
tearing at the skin
near my thumb
I act like its
dead skin
but I cant fool myself
I clearly want to hurt myself
im not okay
or maybe I am

I feel like my toes aren't touching the ground anymore
The melody in my ears elates me , elevates me
The rhythm makes my wings peak out
Which were once, forever hidden
This euphoric state of mine makes me forget
Forget everything
My broken heart and my wounded soul
Seem non-existent

people say "be urself"
honestly..its much easier
being someone else

this world makes me sad
it fills me with pain
to see so many people
suffering
to see them in so much agony

but what breaks me
is i am powerless witness to this

I die a little
every time I think of the bad things
I ever did to you

I die a little
every time I think of the good things
I ever did to you

I think I die a little
every time I think of you

my mom tries
to make my writing
look happy
she replaced the words "sorrow"
and "pain" to
"hope" and
"happiness"
what the heck is her problem?

you say u do nothing
but somehow
u always end up
doing everything

when has a prayer
stopped a bullet?
when has a hashtag
brought someone back to life?
- Button Poetry

my fingers trace from
my head to my toes
they like to remind
me that blood flows
to every part of my
body

he's not your god
dont act like he is
he is not your idol
not even close
just has this charm
to make you worship him
with your
eyes
closed

its not that i want to die
because no one cares about
me anyway

its just that i dont think
i care enough to
be in this world

the grass
poking my back
the damp earth
wetting my shirt
the cool wind
blowing on my face
the music in the background
to complete it all

i look at strangers with intent
desperate to find someone who
could understand me

there are times where
I need u by my side
and then there are those
times where I need u
to jump off a cliff

i hate ths
I've given up on me
its time you give up too
there is no point.
dont waste ur time
on me
i didnt waste it on me

inhale
I wonder why u would do this to me
why?
exhale
leave me to rot on my own
I thought we were in this together
weren't we?
inhale
why
exhale
inhale
why
exhale

I found solace in your arms
I came from a dark place
and got out
was it complete?
was it strong?
No.
but I learnt
that life is crooked
that sitting by a brook
and watching,
would never happen
the world thought
that it could play a trick
that it could never see
the cruelty
life was blown out
like a flicker of a flame

at the end
love becomes hate

turning an year older
wasnt a tectonic shift
nothing changed
the world still smelled
of destroyed lives
and ruined happiness

we mean nothing in his life
that big
          black
                        E
              H    ­        L
                    O      
                                           of    n o t h i n g n e s s
                                                                 in his life
yes
thats us

hi! nice to meet u

For a second I forget we even had a fight
The it came crashing down on me
those waves of pain colliding with my cold body

I wish I could turn time
To tell my past self
Prevent anything from
happening

They say everything happens for good
but does it really?

I don't know if losing you made me
a good or bad person
but it sure did make me a sad one

give me a second chance?

tore my shirt to stop u bleedin
but nothing ever stops u leavin
-BILLIE EILISH

fat is the unwelcomed guest
that roams around My Body
in places I didnt even know
existed

time is all I needed with you
time is all I didn't have
I saw you gulp down sanitizer like it was water
I saw you throw up after that like it was something you did
everyday

you probably did

time is what wanted
time is what we all want

I saw you pinch your *******
until it bled because you thought you were
infected.

you weren't

time is what I begged for
what I stole
what I borrowed
like the used band-aid
you had put on your finger

Her small, cold hands
Hold nothing but a pack of
Matchsticks

She holds one out in eagerness
But goes unnoticed in the bustling streets
The tears welling in her
Are not out of sadness
But of of the pain the bitter weather
Has caused her
Her rags do not provide her the warmth she needs
Her bare feet absorb the cold
From the slippery road beneath her
Her lips are blue
Just like her eyes were
Sleepless nights turn them red
Her once radiating skin
Is now pale and bleak
Just like the sky

She was the summer
But the winter
Spread to her like a disease

potato
poh-tah-toe
potato
pooo-teee-toooo
tomato
toh-mah-toh
tomato
too­o-meeee-toooo

my world is full of packages
a selfless, giving package called
abnegation
where I can give without stopping
a fearless, determined package called
dauntless
where I can face my fears without shivering
a well-informed, knowledgeable package called
erudite
where I  can know about all the things in the world
an honest, open package called
candour
where I can speak my mind
a peaceful, amiable package called
amity
where I do not need to worry about being alone
but I would like to have all packages
I want to be selfless and friendly and fearless and well-versed and open...……...

I remember those days
I used to tell u all my emotions
but now that u have left
I am scared of what
u could do with them

she is my friend
she keeps with me
she stays when everyone leaves
she fights when everyone stays quiet
she shout when no one dares to talk
she is my friend
I wish I could be like her

I'll burn the papers
which burnt my soul
I'll rip out the pages
that ever proved that
I loved you
dont break my heart

strike me hard
across the face
just this once.

I am ashamed of how I look
of how the excessive fat creates stretch marks all over my body
I know people throw the "love yourself" type ****
but I cant seem to do that
I am embarrassed of how the lumps of fat
form on my body
of how my thick arms cannot fit through
the sleeves
is it normal to hate yourself
for who you are?
the tears roll down my cheeks as though they're
supposed to
all I asked for was for a person to hand me a tissue
but am I that invisible?

mom asks me
why I don't hug my dad
after he comes back from office
I say
I would love to
except for the fact he wouldn't
hug me back
mom asks me
to stop with the excuses
I wonder if she knows
the difference between reality
and fantasy

im surrounded by demons
who **** on my happiness
cant u see them?

I like to tell myself
that I am paralyzed
I command all my body parts
to be as still as they can
not moving an inch
I hold my breath
so it doesn't disturb the peace

I can feel the blood
running in my veins
feel my heartbeat
on the tips of my fingers

I could stay just like that
until I need to catch another breath

its almost like
being underwater

ur arms are wrapped around someone
who's not me
u give light kisses on someone else's
cheek
u hold someone's hand and kiss
the back of it
i am the green monster of jealousy who
sees all of this from a distance

my ice-cream cone was broken
and the ice-cream was spilling out
I have never had a stronger urge
to break the cone in my hands

my anxiety swoops me
in its tender arms
engulfing me into it
I am a part of it now
my hands are clammy
and leave sweat stains
on the microphone
my voice chokes on itself
as though the last attempt to disappear
from my throat
I don't regret anything more
than this moment

I feel like I am nothing
I AM nothing
not those pretty girls
with those pretty eyes
neither those hourglass
body shape girls
that boys REALLY dig

We all plan
What we'll do
When we grow up
Where we'll probably live
What we'll probably do
But what if life ends right now?

i live with friends
who only care about
themselves
who dont seem to see
me falling into this black abyss
of hopelessness
of despair
of every bad thing that hasn't happened yet

the volcano is active
soon, the magma from
below shall erupt
pushing everything away
melting everything in its way

it shall erupt for days
and nights
until it lets out

the lava shall harden
form a hard layer
of rock

impenetrable
dense
thick

nothing can go in
nothing shall come out