Kiss me till my lips are swollen.
Hold my hand just a little too tight.
When you grab my hair, yank it
And when you kiss my neck, bite it.

I don't know how to love
Without pain anymore.

I feel my brain has disconnected from my body.
Every scentence I say, I regret. I am my
Worst
Critic.

I'm watching my life through
A window, my fingers balled up
Against the glass as I watch
Minuted hours and days pass.

I wish I could slip back into my
Body, but my hands feel like
I'm wearing gloves all the time.

Is this depression?

I sleep for 13 hours straight
Then don't sleep for almost 24.
My body is lost without my mind.

Is this depression?

I **** down cigarettes
Every **** day.
I hardly eat.
I can't remember my last meal.

Is this depression?

I cut myself to see if I could feel it.
I cannot feel it.
But its summer, and its ugly.
I don't like the way it heals.
I just like the way it bleeds.

Is this depression?

I dream of you every day.
I wish I was with you all the time.
I sleep, hoping you'll come to wake me.
So that I'll never wake up.

I want to hold your hands
And kiss your cold, numb lips.
I want to fall with you
Into the nothingness.

Oh, Death.
I wish you would come
Take me away from this place.

I have a baggie of sleeping pills.
I slept for 12 hours straight on them.
But when I wake,
I awaken to my life.
And sigh because I don't
Want to live it.

Good things come to those who wait.
I am waiting.
Good things come to those who wait.
I am waiting for you.
Good things come to those who wait.
I will always be waiting for you.
Good things to come to those who wait.
I will wait for you to realize what you want.
Because
Good things come,
To those who
Wait.

You called me again at 2:30 am.
I don't know what to make of it.
That was about two days ago.
You apologized and
Never texted me back.

Do you only think of me when you
Can't sleep?

Its 8:11 am and I haven't slept yet.
I thought I was done crying
Over you, but apparently not.

I'm in the bathrobe you got me.
Its the only thing I'm wearing.
And I'm crying.

I still think of you every day.
I still miss you every day.
If someone brings you up
My heart crumples
A little more
Every
Day.

And I don't know what to do about it.

I started smoking regularly.
I started sleeping until 2 or 3pm.
I started not being able to fall asleep until 5/6am.
I ****** a complete stranger.
He left me more empty
Than anything.
I thought of you.
That it was you.

****** up, huh?
I helped Austin cheat.
We sent nudes back and forth.
I don't know why.
His girlfriend still doesn't know
The full extent of it.

****** up, huh?
I wish I was with you still.
I don't know why.
I wish I was over you.
I wish I could wake up
And have a whole day where
Someone could say "khayllia"
And I wouldn't cringe
And my heart wouldn't hurt.
But that day hasn't come yet.
I'm so lost.
Not because you left me.
But because you left me alone.

You don't talk to me. And I wish you would.
When you left I didn't just lose a girlfriend. I lost a friend. I don't know what to do or what to say or how to say it.
There's no easy way out of this.