Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
loopterces Oct 2022
for as long as I can remember
I have wanted my life to be like a movie
even in pre-school I remember dancing alone
in my ballerina outfit
hoping my crush would show up and be blown away
and fall in love with me

so I waited impatiently to be a teenager
when life is like all the movies i'd seen
and it was-
trashing rich kid's houses
falling in love on the beach
being high at the football games
falling in love with a fifteen year old alleged coke dealer
all the tropes

the thing is
I never grew out of that desire
I still want it to be just like a movie
perfect and tied neatly and never boring
but it's not that way

why do I feel like real life is not good enough?
too much meds exposure?
an inkling for escapism, rooted in my parents' divorce
the privilege of a growing up with few enough financial struggles that they were able to be concealed from you
the escapism from the years you blacked out

it wasn't alcoholism that tore my parents apart-
they both overcame a huge struggle
and, as highly developed beings,
still couldn't experience love forever
did they just choose someone with values that's alignment altered?

anyway I love _ and I love and I love
all in a day's work
and I appreciate _
for his contributions
loopterces Sep 2022
he thought he was supposed to be a rapper
or a writer
or a gangster
a multi millionaire in some capacity
and maybe it was true
he always talked about leaving a legacy
because he wanted to live forever and couldn't figure out how
but you leave a legacy when someone loved you
like I did
you leave a legacy when an artist loved you
like I did
because you're in my songs
and you're in every other love I've ever had
it's all connected
maybe people aren't that special
or maybe it makes them more special
because each person you meet is an opportunity to connect with the whole world
and the divine

I think I have accepted that I miss the touch
I miss it enough to make a change
if a love is real they will accept you for who you are
but I'm not worried that that doesn't exist for me
I know it does
so I must be scared of something else
I think I'm scared to give up on my dreams
because I don't know what they are
and trying to hold onto them is like reaching for a bundle of a dozen
invisible balloons

I thought I was supposed to be a singer
a writer
an actress
a director
an artist in some capacity
never cared to be a multi millionaire
but I didn't realize what being broke felt like
it feels like running on a treadmill
it feels like using your breath to inflate a dozen invisible balloons as they pop as they expand

and I want to go back to england
and I want to move to new york
and I want to give it all up and live on the beaches
and I want to stay right here in Tennessee forever

and I think I want to do it alone
but I don't want to go insane
I'm not too worried of what people will think
of a girl who spends their whole twenties alone
I'm worried what it will do to me
but im worried what a relationship will do to me more
the first fear its gaining
and I think it's more reliable
because frost slept on the road most traveled
the road more often travelled

but I guess I can take comfort in that poem
he said it made all the difference
in a good way I can only assume
loopterces Dec 2021
I wish I could've gone to your lake house
I really wanted to
loopterces Mar 2021
I came to the parlor alone
Upon walking in, I saw Tom Baggel with a blonde date in the leather shoe store
Avoiding eye contact, I dashed past the phone kiosk and the closetway into the sunroom
Where I sat on a wooden stool and stared at the garden through the misty window

Remembering the first night I ever came to this godforsaken place
It was ages ago
Alaina and I attended a party in this very garden
We left our bottle of watered-down whipped-cream-flavored Smirnoff
In a very tall Cypress tree
And spent a drunken hour trying to shake it down
Alaina, always a diplomat, was so upset about the loss of our dear lord and savior ***** bottle
That she kicked over the angel statue at the base of the tree
And that poor angel lived the rest of its days will only one wing

The sunroom is such a peaceful place to collect your thoughts alone
It is not frequented by clientele and it has moldy mattresses scattered around on the floor
Sometimes there’s a drunken sailor sleeping there
But you don’t have to worry about him talking to you
He won’t ask you questions about the weather or the neighbor’s new dog
At most he will ask you to fill up his glass with the fountain of red wine on the windowsill
And if you say no he will go back to sleep

The glittering laughter of party girls poured in like an avalanche through the closetway
There was no reason for me to turn my head
I already knew who they were
They were exactly who I wanted them to be
But that didn’t change the fact that I wished they were anywhere but here
They gathered me up in their rose petal arms
And sang me some terrible song about the bright pink light inside of me
Until I had to wriggle out of their arms like some lovesick worm
Until I needed fresh air

Out in the misty garden I shared a damp cigarette with Tom
I wanted to be alone again but I was glad he was there
He didn’t have to ask me why I came to the parlor alone
And I didn’t have to ask him about his blonde date in the leather shoe store
I already knew exactly who she was
But that didn’t change the fact
That he wasn’t in the mood
For vitamins and lemon tea
For a good night sleep
For a morning walk
People don’t come to the parlor for that sort of thing
dream
loopterces Mar 2021
mugwort dreams
can you remember?
snakes on the trees
yellow, pink, and green
you're sat there in between the trees
just like the moon
blue and unassuming
loopterces Mar 2021
Meet me out on St. John's Terrace
Where the misty rain pervades
Where the city's distant
And the sky forever shades
Your eyes are soft and cloudy
Through the periwinkle haze
But I could see them sparkle
From a dozen towns away
loopterces Mar 2020
I just realized
all my poems are about you
and in them
you’re always falling in love
with someone else

even in my dreams
I never let it be me
Next page