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jennifer Apr 2014
In a world full of color,
I feel so blandly black and white.
My color has been drained
And I gave it up without a fight.
The greens around me try to reach out
And the pinks and oranges tell me to talk to them,
The purples shout
For me to come to join them please
Because the closest I have to color
Is a blue-ish gray tint.
I leave a trail of it everywhere because I want it all to go
To leave me with nothing,
I pray for it to fade.
I want to know what made me this way,
Because the only time I'm bright
Is when I force a color out
And I watch the red pour out of
A gray water spout.
I hold in the gasps and all the screams,
Amazed that such a bold color
Could come from something as dead as me.
jennifer Apr 2014
This feeling is quicksand
And I'm going under slow.
I try to fight it but I can't
Because it hurts to try and go
The more I struggle or resist
The more it hurts inside
And the more I try to leave it
The more I'm left behind.
My friends gave up trying to save me,
Now they watch me sink in pleasure
And I'm at the point where I don't care,
So I'll let my bones be dug up like lost treasure.
jennifer Apr 2014
Things that **** me
Only thrill me.
Ashes to ashes
Dust to dust,
Drinking in the hopes that my bones
May begin to rust.
It may be a little crazy,
But I like to see the cuts.
Shoot me shoot me
For the ****,
I know its deadly
To take these pills.
Mirror mirror
Can't you see?
All I am
Is killing me
jennifer Apr 2014
Its always "are you okay?"
And my response it always "yes."

I'm ok.
I'm so okay that it's pouring from my tear ducts
I'm so okay that its dripping from my wrists
I'm so very okay
That it hurts sometimes.
Thats what this feeling is,
I'm not empty or sad,
I'm not too full or mad,
I'm just okay.
I'm so okay.
jennifer Mar 2014
Its hard to be broken
In the way that I'm broken.
Nobdoy can see it
Or hear the words I've left unspoken.
If you look very closely
As I walk by you can see
Little pieces of myself falling off of me.
I used to pick them up,
Take them home and glue them
Then put them back on.
But lately I'm getting tired of fighting to be strong.
Now I look back
At the trail of shards I've left,
And smile sickly as people destroy them,
Walking on them step by step.
I guess I don't care enough
To scream for the sake of me
But then again, when I try to
No sound comes out of me.
I'm watching myself fall
Into a dark, cold endless pit
And I can't seem to do anything
But sit back and watch it win.
jennifer Mar 2014
Like an old abandoned house,
I have boarded the windows
So no one can see out or in.
The door is locked and double bolted
And the furnace is unlit
Because nobody has gotten close enough
Or close at all,
To the fireplace in the center, slightly to the right
To strike a match and ignite it.
Its cold and dark,
And the ghosts of the past float around,
Warning whoever comes near
That I'm only good for a demolition
Not a remodeling team.
The attic is clustered and filled
With regret
The euphoric sense that I have longed for
Was packed in a box,
Which the previous tenant took
When he left.
The floorboards creak with melancholy
And the deafening silence
Echos the loneliness of a mind
That is both too empty and too full
All at once.
Its beautifully strange
And there's a certain mystery
That draws people to me,
But not enough to make them stay.
jennifer Mar 2014
I died a few months ago
And nobody's even noticed.
They all smile at me in the halls
Tell me how nice my hair looks
Show me all the little things I used to like.
But not one person has noticed
How the happiness has been burned right out of me
Or how the light has been blown out of my eyes.
Not a single soul has noticed
That I now walk around without one,
My eyes are barely open
To anything that is not clearly seen.
My mind is closed up
And shut away
And my heart's still missing.
I died a bit ago,
The only trouble is I'm still breathing
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