Emily

Emily Jun 2014

you

you make the handle look appealing
you make the bottle of pills look like the answer
what a perfect combination for death that they make together
you make me want to leave the earth
you make tears fall from my eyes at a rate they never have before
maybe on the other side things will be better
maybe on the other side you won't have all the power
call me an idiot, call me some more names
it only makes the urge grow much larger
i gulp it all down, one shot together
glass after glass
pill after pill
this is what is left of my free will
i can't live without you
so i might as well die
look what you've done to me
so young yet already saying goodbye
this is so unlike me, so unreal
but without you, life's anything but ideal
i have lost all my strength
and lost all my wits
my sense and my brain were gone forever
when you stole my heart
falling in love is such a trap
it causes more games and heartaches
and i just can't keep track
maybe this is the end
maybe this isn't
i guess it just depends on how toxic this poison is
but it's not the drugs that killed me
it was you

Emily Jun 2014

storm within

you carved his name
into your skin
almost like
an uncontrollable sin

but it was reminiscent
of his name across your heart
and how without him
you always fall apart

foolish to believe
your every word
i let it pass
ignoring what they inferred

you still love him
want him with all your might
and when you are lonely
you think of him at night

i'm no where to be found
in that mind of yours
i'm not even in your heart
even after fighting all these wars

i guess i never won
the battle was always too hard
so i surrender now
my feelings you can disregard

it's nothing you haven't done
it should be easy for you
since all you ever did
was rip my soul in two

use me, abuse me
take advantage of my will
to love and protect you
i think i must be ill

countless sleepless nights
turn into bed ridden days
and during that time
i dream of pure rage

the rage that was once
a true love formed
now in the wake of a hurricane
in my heart brews a storm

my tears are the rain
my emotions blow like the wind
my silent cries howl
as i realize you weren't even a friend

maybe time will help
this pain to subside
then the healing can commence
once my love for you has died

Emily Jun 2014

Best Fri(end)

You lose your best friend
It feels like the world will end
What is the point now

Haiku

© Emily 2014

Emily Jun 2014

Forever And A Day

I'm sorry I wasted so much time in our relationship being a *****
I hope she realizes the type of man she's got
I hope she sees what an incredibly intelligent guy you are
I hope she treats you with respect
I hope she understands the way you work
I hope she is able to read you the way I could
I hope she makes you happy
I hope she cooks your favorite foods
I hope she likes the music you do and can make you laugh
I hope she doesn't care that you enjoy the occasional ****
I hope she enjoys that with you the way I did and do
I hope she loves you as deeply and as passionately as you deserve to be loved
I hope she knows that to have you is a privilege, a high honor
I hope she's the one and makes you happy
I'm feeling terrible and sorry that it couldn't be me
I'll miss you probably forever and a day
Wishing it could've always stayed that way
Wondering now where things went wrong

Listening to Rebelution reminds me of my ex...

© Emily 2014

Emily Jun 2014

Case Of The Ex

Exes always come back to haunt you
I miss mine

Emily Jun 2014

Settle

Why can't we just love back the ones that love us
So willingly
So unconditionally
Why is it in our human nature to want what we can't grasp
It makes life so much harder
And so much more difficult than it needs to be
Why do we settle for less than we deserve

Emily Jun 2014

Long Distance

This relationship is impossible
How do you expect us to maintain our love if we hardly speak
Especially since we live across the world from each other
I'm always the one to drop what I'm doing
I do it to take advantage of the small window of time that we are given
Considering the fact that there is a significant time difference between us
You go throughout your day easily ignoring me
How is your love and devotion real when you don't get upset by not talking to me
Nothing you say makes sense because it doesn't match your actions
You've proven nothing to me
All you have proven is that you do things with thoughts of your own self interest
All you have proven is that you are selfish
All you have proven is that you are a liar
I make effort after effort
I think about you, I dream about you
I talk to you, I long for you
I attend to you, I shower you with affection
I'm through with the days that are filled with me waiting around for you
I'm through with the impending doubt that I feel on a daily basis
I'm through with your inconsequential "I love you" that you repeat to me whenever things get bad
I'm through with your guilt trips that reel me back in whenever I try to leave
By the way you act, I mean close to nothing to you
From now on, I'll attempt to train myself to get over you
So that eventually, you'll mean nothing to me too