I'm so alone now in this shelter as a cocoon
Empty and unholy
Insecure and maybe moody
I'm so unafraid now I've turned my guilt into a blaze
As I rage against the enemies I create
Its the path of freedom in this miserable escape towards happiness

I wasn't particular about the things that I expected from you
Just obvious with the what and when and where and how but never with the why
I knew the secret rules of boundaries and respect
Silence is a way to watch it all or twist it all, or hide it all
Silence was the one time you fell apart when all the other times you weren't too far from Hercules
I am angry with you, patient with you
I can't lose sleep over it
I'll just cry in terror
You can just sit there careless
I guess its times like these when you realize the things you want
And the things you don't

I'm unhappy
At this  very instant
But even most days I can muscle up the energy
I can focus on whats right and whats now and what can be
You can sit there drown in your solitude
because if you can't let it out and you won't let me in
Eventually the guilt from your kisses will be swallowed in acid
And the reaction of which will eat you alive

I can't describe -
How the yearning hides.

How it waits
Until the dead of night,
To wear upon the mind.

I saw him in the fields as a boy
And he was smiling
Such a tender youth and full of love
For every living thing great and small

The sheep were all around him
And each he fed out of hand
One by one, smiling at his flock
With eyes full of love
And a heart ever giving


I saw him in the market square
And he was smiling
The great teacher
And all those who follow him

The people did flock to see him
And he spoke to them and told stories
He taught the masses, young and old
I saw the shepherd king
When jesus of Nazereth came to market

I saw him in his chains
Lead through the town bruised and ******
Lead by roman jailors toward death
While all around the crowd was in turmoil

He never cried out, nor begged for life
He never moaned, never complained
Even when the raised him up, and nailed him to the cross
His only words were a dying prayer
He was smiling.

Anger and misery,
Raging through my veins.
Emotions held back,
Long enough for today.
Walking away,
I gather my pain.

I sit alone, silently,
Few tears escaping my eyes
As I reach for my pencil.
Thoughts swirling, I begin.
Words flow onto the page
Like a whispering wind.

Dreams of escaping,
Yet, I’m stone.
I have to finish
The verses in my head.
Faster, I write,
Lines appearing as if magic.

The end,
It stares before me;
The last word spoken.
I drop the pencil,
Eraser and lead dull;
My mind at rest.

It's ******!
Nothing happy

Nothing Merry!
losing a job,
one week before Christmas.

Your slim figure & stylish cloths,
complement your feminine & **** figure.

The white of your big brown eyes,
complement your pretty white smile.

The fullness of your shiny red lips,
complement your long black & silky hair.

Your long eye lashes & darkened thinned brows,
complement your beautiful skin.

Your soft & ***** voice,
complements your hypnotic .

My heart yearns to save you.
I worry for your very life.

Your perfectly manicured fingernails,
disfigured by the burning, smokey cigarette.

The order of  on your cloths & breath
distracts from your flowery perfume.

Your shortness of breath,
accentuates your asthmatic conditions.

Your strong & intermittent coughing.
worsens by your addictive habit.

Your persistent & consistent.
Slowly deteriorating your body from within.

Why can't you stop?
After many visits to the emergency room,
Why can't you stop?

It doesn't make sense!

Complement me, I will deny it.
Be friendly to me, I will wounder why.
Smile at me, I will look away.
Wink at me, I will check for my wallet.
Kiss me, I will doubt your intentions.
Ignore me, I will fade away.

My melancholy self, needs some help.