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Lola May 2014
I'm sorry I loved you
So dreadfully whole,
And with the white-washed candidness of soul.

I'm sorry I loved you,
And that with everlasting breath:
I praised your song,
Sung, as if to the death.

I'm sorry I dared raise
All hope's expectations,
By reaching out a childish hand
To cold adult's gaze,
And thinking my love untrue -
Why else then, my innocence razed?

I trusted you.
Like God trusted man with Paradise.
I fell in love with you -
Your untainted beauty and miraculous eyes.

I'm sorry.

For youthful naivety,
I´m sorry.
For universal chord that ties us together,
And untied us forever,
I´m sorry.

For praying to a fallen God,
Loving a pig's gall and sod
Dreaming that from the clod and dirt
Of the earth's mud
A Prometheus of love returned might rise -
But rise the love did not
And child's heart was shot
And child's innocence did die
I'm sorry I loved you,
You with the miraculous eyes.
Lola Feb 2014
There is a house in my head, and in it lies the gun.
There is one bullet, and it’s meant for me.
But it’s in the basement, under Styrofoam sheets.
I run to my mother, and I ask for a crucifix –
She answers me adequately, by hanging me from her cross.
There’s no one else in the house, but I run for daddy.
But he’s dead, and he’s gone. And that’s it, and that’s done.
I had a brother, but he is immersed in his own fight.
He’s broken his head on the light, and now he’s bleeding profusely.
I’ve taken pills with him, but now he’s catatonic.
I used to think of him, but now he’s just demonic.
There’s poison in the cupboard, and my symbolism lies within.
I drink to think, but the dark just won't give in.
There is a metaphysical jitter. Brother, possessed in the din.
Father, in his lucid little lie. How he tries and he tries.
Mother throws herself at God and asks for no more reprimands.
She calls spirits and has cats and wakes the dead but ignores the living.
And now I’m reminiscing over the repetition of my lies, my life, my highs.
By night the skeletons come out dancing, and corneas turn red-gold.
There’s a devil in this domain, and that's why the floor's so cold.
My father’s father tried to **** his son’s mother, and now he tries to find another in every other.
A sister was shocked to hell in an electric shock therapy cell.
Pills and pills and pills and pills and thrills and thrills and thrills and thrills.
Welcome to the House of Perdition.
Won't you stay a while?
C'mon, drug a child?
Take a seat please.
Ignore the deceased, please,
And feel free to slap the idle hands of the diseased.
Here I stand - beheaded child. Chanting, oh mother. Tell your children not to do what I have done.

I have killed in the House of Perdition.

Lola Feb 2014
Night grips at my soul

Ebony-clad hand at my throat

Vice in the heart gripping

Sanity in my mind slipping

Propane in my veins thumping

Blood dripping

Anger pumping.

Sadness making me a drunk thing,
Falling through mind's stink

Better think quick
Find a sober relief!

No pretty picture as I slip to the floor. . .

Mad disarray
Grip at the floor.
Mental decay
One hand shutting the door.

Night grips at my soul
Swallow me whole -
Down the rabbit hole.

An ebony-clad hand ripping up memories
Like an overturned desk,
Like an incurable disease.

Pray for release
From the maggots that feast;

Beasts on the mind clots of me.

Now give peace!

Night perpetuating my unease,
Sadness high

Eyes turned to the moon
Tears dry

Scenery dead with gloom
I can't cry

Scenery graveyard's black and white

I'll survive.

Though night grips my soul
While I slip
Into the rabbit hole.
Lola Feb 2014
Spin spin Sally, spin spin,

Right into damnation, right into Sin.

Topsy-turvy Sally, topsy-turvy in the din.

Let the black wolf in, Sally

Let the carnal win,

Let the madness in, Sally

Remember with a grin;

''Stay thin, think gin.''

And give release Sally.

Fire bullets through the tins

Ride ******* through the wind

**** your karma,

**** your kin,

Spin spin Sally,

Spin, spin.

Topsy-turvy Sally,

Topsy-turvy in the din.
Lola Jan 2014
Dark well
It swells
It grows
And drowns
A pool
So black
Thick pitch

To smother
Don't bother
To crawl through
Small moth

The darkness
This thick glue
To you

The will to escape

In the dark well
Of hate.
Lola Jan 2014
Flowers shot in the dark like hearts shot through with darts
Clotting blood in the voice box
Time moving slow as the clock tick tocks
And more bricks are laid
Between me and God

Children smearing on war-paint
Grandmas spitting against the devil's taint
Broken churches, corpse of the saint
Images listless and visually meaningless
In a long array of destructive days
As more bricks are laid
Between me and God

Overlarge toads bellow in the park
Green slimy beings croaking insults in the dark
What they're singing has meaning and the meaning is stark
Rhythmic insults haunting the night like the bark
Bark, bark of a wolf seeking prey
As more bricks are laid
Between me and God

A murderous man has a knife and he stabs
A touring killer with no remorse as he jabs,
Jabs, jabs whilst their blood coats the floor
Serial killer with an unquenchable need for more
Though the police are paid
The case runs cold
More bricks are laid
Between me and God

Chanting children there, with the devil's eyes
Urchins that smell fear, young weavers of lies
They encircle a dog and they throw it with stones
A cold-blooded giggle surrounds the dog's imploring moans
Little demons are made
And more bricks are laid
Between me and God

Are you friend or foe
Rattlesnake or doe
In the night or day
Do you fight or pray?
Curse or hymn
Hate or love
Does it differ?
As more bricks are laid
Between me and God.
Lola Jan 2014
I want to destroy myself.

To fall into a pit of elated destruction

Watch me woo myself into the blackness. . .

I want to raise all hell

Dance with strange, strange mutants,

Imbibe some dreaded poison

So I can sleep the nights away in a daze.

I want to use the spell of drugs,

And watch it wrap around my throat and heart,

Just to feel something.

Dead no more, no more.

I want to let evil coil,

Bring in absinthe and *****

Make me immune to its toxicity

Make me spin, make me spin.

Maybe a good dose of lust too,

For the final concoction,

And let this bomb brew in the form of a witch's stew

Then let me *******.

I want to destroy myself,

I only feel alive when I'm burning.

I want to sink into the cruel skin

I was meant to don.

I saved myself, I wanted to be your
Good girl,

Thinking you'd value me higher.

Instead I feel devalued and cheap anyway

Might as well let the white ******* come off.

Stupid, filthy girl,

Let me drink down this **** with a bottle of ***.
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