My sister told me no listens to me.
It hurt for a second and then I so casually resumed my everyday life.
How could no one listen to me?
Why would anyone tune me out?
It slowly began to grow inside of me and it wasn't until just now,
Writing this poem that I realized.

No one listens to me
because I have nothing worth while to say.

I'm not your second choice
I'm not your afterthought
I can't be

my dollars have kinder eyes than most
money doesn't talk
it listens

Running away from my problems again, as usual.
I find comfort in the warmth of my soul,
the big, rugged arms of my emotions, rocking me ever so sweetly to sleep.
My heart is such a damaged and dangerous vessel,
it couldn't even hold water. I'm amazed I haven't bled out already.
Why do I go? Because if not there, then where?
I'm too smart to let myself find
solace in stupidity,
so not my brain, no, not in my thoughts.
It'd be too unpredictable to stay alive.

I sure as hell can't run to him.
Because HE doesn't love me.
Because HE doesn't care.
Because HE doesn't look at me with that wondrous look of interest and adventure.
Because to him...I'm just a toy.
I've been played with too many times and it's to the point where I'm just hurt and I'm sore, and I don't want to play anymore.
So I hide in my heart, the one place I know where it's safe.
The one place that still, foolishly, wants any part of him.
Why can't he find me in the place I run to every time?
Because he never for a ******* i n g second wanted any part of my heart...

...and his name was Brandon.

To the man I'll always want to love,
don't ever think for a second
that I wanted you in the same way you wanted
me.
Don't ever try to understand our
love, because it was just yours.
All of it was your love and all of it was my Un-reality.
I dare say to the man I'll always want to love,
don't ever think for a minute
that i wanted you in the same way you wanted
me. i want
you so much more. Yet you still can't see it.
To you I'm just something to do, but you're
someone to me.
So, lastly I say,
I dare say, don't ever in your beautiful life say
that we wanted each other in the same way.
Why? Because you never wanted
me.