And then it all started to happen
With the sickness and the stroke
And the long
winding
stupid road
That I would take to get you out.
And after it happened those silly roads
Decided they wouldn't guide me anymore
And my long
winding
stupid feelings
Weren't really mine anymore.
And while we were driving out the driveway I'd known
Where you stood out the window and waved
And the long
winding
stupid driveway
I realized I might never see again.
And I have your class ring on my bony hand now
Where I can't tell if it's '57 or 2
And the little
gold
stupid writing
Makes me feeling the guilt of having not asked you.
And I'm afraid to put the annual flowers out now
Where I'll see the dates go through 13
And the long
winding
stupid dates
Are really the saddest I've seen.

It's been over seven months
And I don't miss you any less
You haven't left my thoughts once
And my dreams are still a mess

Two days ago, I wept for an hour
I cried out your name with each fallen tear
Last night I ran from sleep seven times like a coward
Stop haunting my dreams, I need you here

I'm starting to forget the way you formed words
The few syllables I still remember sound like art
It's as if you're silently begging to be heard
Your voice quit making me smile, it just shatters my heart

It's been two hundred and thirty days
And I still haven't gone a night without seeing your face

I asked my friend once
Why he cuts himself
His reply was completely sensible to me
Though others might say it was senseless
But so heart wrenching was the reply
So real that it made me cry

He said
I cut myself to make sure I'm alive
Because pain is the only emotion
That throughout my life
Has been able to thrive
But every time I cut, I think
If I can feel pain,
Maybe another emotion has survived

You see
There's this thread that is tied around my heart.
But it's not just tied around my heart
It's tied from my brain to my heart
To my soul to everything around me
To everything within me to all that surrounds me.

There are many things attached to this string
The closer they are to the end
Wrapped around my heart
The bigger the knot they form
And the bigger the knot is
The easier I can feel them

There is one emotion
I feel every single time my heart beats
That emotion is pain
Through past, present, future
Throughout my entire life
That emotion has never ceased

Pain is so close to my heart
On the thread of emotion
That maybe if I feel the pain
I'll be able to feel the emotion
That is one step further than pain
And then the emotion beyond that

I cut myself because if I can feel pain
I might be able to feel hope next
And I might feel happiness after that
And maybe, just maybe
Someday, because of the pain,
I'll be able to feel love

I asked my friend once
Why he cuts himself
His reply was simple
He said
Because sometimes,
Cutting is all that keeps us alive