the blade whispers promises
it cannot keep,
and i press,
but it never cuts deep enough
to quiet the storm.

each line carved on my skin
feels like an apology,
to myself,
to the world i’m hiding from,
to the guilt that follows
like a shadow i can’t escape.

i tell myself this is the last time.
that i’ll find another way,
but the ache is relentless,
and the silence inside me grows louder,
begging for release.

i want to stop.
i want to believe
there’s more to me than this,
but for now, i sit with the shame,
and the fragile hope
that one day,
i’ll learn how to heal.

i’ve become
the shape of water.
i mold to rooms
i don’t belong in,
fill cracks
in other people
just to keep from spilling.

no one sees
how close i am
to evaporation.
how heavy i feel
in a glass too full
of silence.

they think
i’m calm
because i don’t make noise,
but grief has no splash
when it sinks like this.

i’ve learned to drown
quietly.

the space between us
isn’t just miles—
it’s the stories i can’t tell you in person,
the way your laugh feels quieter
when it’s filtered through a screen.

i wonder if you ever think about
how different things used to be,
when we could share a joke
and feel it echo between us,
not get lost in the distance.

friendship shouldn’t be this fragile,
but sometimes i worry—
how much longer can we hold on
when even time zones pull us apart?

August is the Sunday of summer
A slow, heavy sigh
That drifts over the sun-bleached days,
The bright, lazy hours.
The heat hangs like a memory,
Lazy and heavy,
As if summer itself is reluctant
To slip back into the pages of a calendar, Where days blur into the promise of something else.
The mornings are a bit less forgiving,
The air tinged with the shadow of a classroom,
The soft whisper of new pencils and paper, The hint of structure returning.
August brings a shift,
An undertone of anticipation
That stirs beneath the calm surface,
Like the distant hum of an old alarm clock, Waiting to signal the end of rest,
The beginning of something expected, yet feared.
The long, sun-drenched afternoons
Feel like a final, quiet farewell,
Each day a little more golden,
a little more fragile,
The bright edges of summer
Softening into the muted tones of
The school year to come.
August is the Sunday of summer,
A quiet, nostalgic refrain,
Where every fleeting day
Echoes with the promise of change.
As the sun descends a bit earlier,
And the nights grow cooler still,
August lingers like a gentle reminder
That summer's end is near,
Soft and unspoken  
That the season is changing,
And with it, the slow, heavy sigh
Of summer’s final, golden hours.
August is the Sunday of summer,
A sad, lingering pause
Before the structured rhythm
Of the days that follow,
A silent, reflective bridge
Between the freedom of sunlit days
And the routine soon to reclaim us.

it almost took her once.
the quiet visitor she never called,
the thought that slips in uninvited,
nestles in the corners of her mind,
and waits.

she carries it like a secret,
pressed deep into her aching chest,
a weight no one else can see.
some days, it whispers,
soft as falling leaves.
other days, it roars,
demanding its due.

she doesn’t want to leave,
no, not really.
but she wonders how much longer
she can bear the burden of staying,
if it is even worth it anymore.

they tell her it’s a choice.
they don’t see the fight.
the way her hands tremble
on the edge of surrender,
how her heart pleads
to keep beating.

she survives for now,
but the uninvited waits,
patient as ever,
just beyond the door.

is it worth the weight i bear,
this climb i’m told will lead to more?
for debts and desks, for restless years,
a future i’m not reaching for?

the days grow long, the nights too loud,
the pressure builds, it pulls, it binds.
a whispered thought begins to form,
what’s left for me, what will i find?

but then, a breeze, a song, a smile,
a fleeting joy, a gentle flame.
it cuts the dark, it lifts the weight,
reminds me life is not a game.

perhaps the climb will bring me peace,
or paths unknown that lead to gold.
for in the cracks of heavy stone,
there’s light and love still yet to hold.

she said “i can tell you’re not okay”
like it was a passing thought, a flicker, a footnote,
and then she kept going.

like it didn’t matter that i was sinking.
like it didn’t matter that my lungs were half-full of water.
like it didn’t matter that i was drowning.

she said “i see you breaking” and then broke me harder,
pried my ribs open and set up camp,
tossed her pain into my chest like it had a home there.

and i held it.
i always hold it.
i bear the weight of her like it’s my duty,
like love is carrying her pain until i collapse.

i think she believes if i can save her,
she’ll stay afloat.
but she doesn’t realize
i’m not on the shore.
i’m in the water with her.
and she’s got her fists in my shirt,
pulling me down,
down,
down.

she never asks how much air i have left.
she never stops to notice my limbs trembling, my throat burning.
she just says “i’m hurting” and i say “i know”
and she says “hold me up” and i do.

and she says “i can tell you’re not okay”
and then lets me sink.

and i love her — god, i love her —
but i think she might love me more when i’m breaking.
because then i have no choice but to stay.
and she has no choice but to lean.

and i’m so afraid that if i let go,
she’ll slip under.
but i’m starting to realize
if i don’t let go soon,
i will.

it’s my body that bears the proof,
a shoulder torn by the thing i adore.
the water calls me, and i answer,
though it leaves me aching to the core.

isn’t this the way of it?
the things we love demand their price.
a bicep strained, a heart undone,
each lap of joy, a sacrifice.

but i keep coming back,
to the pool, to the pain, to the hope.
even when it hurts, it’s worth it—
a lesson etched in every stroke.

the clock hands circle, slow yet unkind,
stealing the moments i’ll never rewind.
each second a whisper, a truth left unsaid,
a future that waits while the past is widespread.

remember how you taught me
that pain is proof of my worth?
i always thought it was silly,
but here i am,
one year later,
believing your twisted ideology:
love can only be earned through loss,
pain is the measure of success.
but i’m still here waiting
for my scars to mean something.
i miss that way you made me feel,
the rush,
the chaos,
the fall.
even now i crave the fleeting parts of myself
that fell apart when you touched them,
that frantic, beautiful madness
that kept me gasping for more
even when it left me broken.
because i was yours.
i know i know
it’s all my fault.
maybe if i wasn’t so ******* scared,
scared of letting you know me,
i would’ve stayed.
but then i remember september,
i hope you do too,
because it just proves that we’re unhealthy.
we made each other so depressed.
i think i keep writing about you
because no one
will ever know me like you did,
because i won’t let them.
but that makes me idolize you,
or something.
i should see a therapist.
my summer was fine until you interrupted it!
god, i just want to stop,
stop thinking about you
because i don’t even like you anymore.
things ain’t what they used to be.

feeling like you’ll always be stuck in your own head
forcing yourself to act normal when you feel anything but
waking up exhausted no matter how much you sleep
seeing people move on without you and wondering if they even noticed
feeling guilty for being sad when you “should” be happy
thinking no one would understand, so you don’t even try to explain
not knowing if you actually want help or if you just want to disappear for a while
the fear that maybe this is just who you are now

maybe it is the end of the world?

i write, because i’m not sure who else to be.
i’m 16, but the weight of this world—
it feels heavier than it should be,
like a heart that’s growing old
before it even learns how to beat right.

i don’t feel enough.
not good enough, not strong enough,
not worthy of love, or kindness,
or the friendships i hold so tight
because i’m terrified to let go
even though the grip hurts.

it’s harder to exist when you feel like you’re just floating.
i tell myself i’m fine, but i’m not.
i’m tired of pretending i’m whole
when i’ve left pieces of myself
scattered in the people i loved
and now i can’t find them anymore.

i know, i should be better at letting go.
but how do you stop holding on
to the one person who once made you feel alive
when they’re the same one who now brings you to your knees?

they say time heals everything,
but i think time just buries things deeper.
i bury my emotions in my poetry,
where no one can see the cracks,
where i can pretend
i’m not drowning in my own words.

i’m learning to forgive,
but i still don’t know how to forget.
i give so much,
but it feels like no one gives enough back,
and i wonder if they can ever love me
the way i love them.

i’ve pushed people away
because i’m scared of them leaving first.
i’ve hurt others
because i didn’t know how to handle the mess inside me.
i’ve told lies to protect my heart
and made promises i can’t keep.
but i keep trying to make them feel heard
even when i’m screaming for someone to hear me.

i’m not perfect,
and i don’t expect anyone else to be either.
but how do i find peace in a world
where i’m always trying to make sense of things
that don’t make sense?

i want to be seen,
but not for who i think i am,
but for who i could be.
if i could be free,
if i could just be me,
i’d show you all the pieces i’ve been hiding,
the ones i thought were too broken to share.

but for now, i’ll write
and hope you hear me through these words.
i’ll hold on to the ones who love me
the way i want to be loved
and keep searching for the strength
to let go of the ones who won’t.

maybe one day i’ll find my place.
but until then, i’ll keep writing,
because it’s the only thing
that makes me feel whole.

“this isn’t like you,” they say—
but they don’t know what i’m like

they only see the open hands
the ready smile
the way i crumble into comfort
when their worlds shake too hard

i give, and i give, and i give
until my bones feel hollow
i bend, and i break,
but never in ways they can see
“this isn’t like you,” they say—
but they don’t know what i’m like

they don’t see the nights i lie awake
wishing i could scream “enough!”
but swallowing the words instead
they don’t hear the way my heart shouts
when I finally say no—
and they call it selfishness

“this isn’t like you,” they say—
but they don’t know what i’m like
what i’m like is exhausted
what i’m like is disappearing
what i’m like is someone who wonders
if they’ve ever been seen at all
what am i like?

if they knew, they might ask
“why didn’t you tell us?”
but i’ve tried.
i’ve always tried.
and they only listen
when i’m the version of me
that they need me to be

“this isn’t like you,” they say—
but maybe it’s the only thing that ever was

they ask why we’re broken—
why teens drown in sadness,
why girls starve themselves,
why lives are lost to silence.
this is why.

happiness slips
right through me.
like i was born
with holes.

there are three things that i know
though i wish i didn’t
and i’m sure that knowing them
won’t make it easier

1. i shouldn’t feel this way about you
but here i am
holding onto something i know will hurt me
something i was never meant to hold

2. i always end up feeling more than i should
you know how it is
how one look, one word
turns into a hundred feelings i can’t contain
it’s never just a glance with you
it’s always more
always deeper than it’s supposed to be
and every time it happens
i know i’m crossing a line
but i don’t know how to stop

3. even when i know better
i still want what i’m not supposed to have
i can feel it in the way i move when you’re near
how every part of me leans toward you
even though i’m standing still
i try to step back
but every inch feels like it’s pulling me closer
until i’m tangled in something
i know i can’t untangle

i wish this was easier
a simple choice between right and wrong
but every time i try to turn away
i find myself pulled back in
it’s like i can’t breathe without this ache
this guilt, this hunger
but i can’t seem to let it go either

three things i know
though i wish i didn’t
1. i shouldn’t feel this way about you
2. i always end up feeling more than i should
3. even when i know better
i still want what i’m not supposed to have
and here i am
caught between wanting and knowing
wishing to forget and never forgetting
stuck in the space where i can’t seem to breathe
but i can’t stop wanting you, either

my biggest fear is you seeing me
the way i see myself—
the cracks beneath the surface,
the doubts i file away

i hide my flaws in shadows deep,
but what if you should find
the fractured mirror that i see
when i look inside my mind?

i wish hard things didn’t scare me.
i wish i could try
without unraveling.
i wish effort didn’t feel like failure,
and failure didn’t feel like the end of me.

i want to do hard things
and still like who i am.
i want to struggle
without falling apart.

tomorrow, i’ll sit across from someone
whose job is to listen.
i’ll try to speak,
to untangle the mess i carry,
but the words might not come out right.

i’m scared.
scared they’ll dismiss me,
scared they’ll nod politely
but not truly hear.
scared they’ll look at me
like i’m just another 16 year old
with problems that don’t matter.

but what if they do listen?
what if i let them in,
just enough to ease this weight?
what if saying the words
i’ve been too afraid to speak
is the start of something better?

i’m not sure i’ll go.
i’m not sure i’ll stay.
but maybe sitting in that chair
is the first step
toward finding something
i didn’t know i needed.

i miss knowing your life,
not just you.
i know your soul like it’s my own,
yet i don’t even know
what daily life looks like to you anymore.
you took a part of me
that day in early july,
a part of me i’ll never get back,
but wouldn’t want to, either.
you took summer with you
and since then
things haven’t been the same.

i told the moon my secrets,
but she turned away.
even the sky,
it seems,
cannot bear the weight of me.

i’m sorry

i feel like i’m never enough,
like no matter what i do,
it’s not enough to matter.
but at the same time,
i’m too much.
too intense,
too complicated,
too hard to handle.
it’s like i’m stuck in between,
too much, yet not enough.
and that makes me wonder
if i’m worth it at all.

i don’t know what we are anymore—
a rhythm, offbeat, yet familiar
do you enjoy these conversations,
or am i the one keeping them alive?

sometimes, you laugh like the world is soft
like i’ve found the thread of who you are
other times, i feel the weight of silence
and i wonder if i’ve overstayed my welcome

i was put here to know you (i think)
to listen when others won’t
to care even when you shut me out
you’re more than a friend—
you’re a purpose i can’t explain

but (tell me) is it selfish to stay
if you don’t want me there?
is it selfish to leave,
if i think you might?

if i’m wrong—if you hate me—
just tell me, please (please)
but if there’s even a sliver of truth
that i belong in your life,
don’t let me go

i’ll just suffer in the unknown tonight
hey, it’s what i deserve

he told me his sister tried to die,
and i sat there, silent,
holding my own secret like a stone
in my throat,
wishing i could tell him
but terrified he’d hate me for it.