lizie: Poems

unspoken

lizie Dec 2024

unspoken

he told me his sister tried to die,
and i sat there, silent,
holding my own secret like a stone
in my throat,
wishing i could tell him
but terrified he’d hate me for it.

until it’s gone

lizie Dec 2024

until it’s gone

you don’t notice the sun
until it slips below the horizon,
taking warmth and light
to some other corner of the world.

you don’t hear the clock
until the room falls silent,
each tick louder than
the love you took for granted.

you don’t see the magic of childhood
until you’re looking back,
realizing the world was perfect once,
and you didn’t even know.

you don’t feel the weight of silence
until their voice is gone,
the words they don’t say
echoing louder than the ones they did.

you don’t know what you’ve got
until it’s nothing but a memory,
a ghost you can’t outrun,
a lesson learned too late.

you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone.

untitled

lizie Dec 2024

untitled

you texted me today
asking me how i’ve been
i didn’t have the heart to tell you
that i’m drowning in a sea of thought
crushed beneath the pressure and pain
so i told you i’m good
(as if my arms aren’t littered with scars)
how are you?

my arms tell the truth, i guess

but you’ll never know

untitled

lizie Feb 26

untitled

i’ll be getting over you my whole life

Untitled

lizie May 8

Untitled

i made it through the day,
but not yet through the night.

Untitled

lizie Jul 9

Untitled

i wish people told me they were proud of me

i wish i deserved it

Untitled

lizie 6d

Untitled

i wish i would just die already

Untitled

lizie May 20

Untitled

this has been the longest 47 hours of my life

Untitled

lizie Feb 8

Untitled

i carve myself down to the bone…

i can’t stop it…

help…

Untitled

lizie May 24

Untitled

i used to be a whole person,
but now fragments of me
are in living within
people i don’t call.

Untitled

lizie May 23

Untitled

emotional pain doesn’t have a home,
but physical pain does.
that’s why i cut.

Untitled

lizie 2d

Untitled

i can’t stop crying and i wish i would because someone is going to notice

Untitled

lizie Jun 2

Untitled

who am i if not sad?
i’m scared to find out.

Untitled

lizie May 30

Untitled

my chest caves in,
pressing bone into breath,
squeezing my lungs like fists.
my heart is bleeding,
but i’d rather feel it in my leg,
where pain makes sense,
where i can see it.
seventeen days,
and still, i’m here.
but god,
how much longer can i be?

Untitled

lizie Dec 2024

Untitled

i don’t know what to write about if it’s not about you

Untitled

lizie Jun 7

Untitled

using my nails,
mimicking the feeling of a knife.
it’s not working.
tell me to stop.

Untitled

lizie Feb 16

Untitled

my heart hurts
i can feel it in my chest

Untitled

lizie Dec 2024

Untitled

i’m not doing well
will someone lend me a word that doesn’t ache?
something simple, something true—
a word to feel whole, just for a moment

untitled thoughts

lizie Jun 23

untitled thoughts

ohhhhhhh i get it
this is what i deserve!

unwritten symphony

lizie Feb 3

unwritten symphony

i don’t write about it.
the music, the endless rehearsals,
the way the saxophone feels in my hands
like it’s breathing with me.
i don’t write about the late nights,
the competitions, the friendships forged
in the chaos of scales and solos.
instead, i let it live in the spaces
between my words,
where the sound lingers,
but i never let it spill onto the page.

maybe it’s because i’m scared.
scared i’ll sound like a nerd,
or that you will underestimate my potential,
or maybe that the music i love
will turn into something
i have to explain.
so i leave it unspoken,
a quiet symphony only i hear,
never written,
never shared.

today i thought about how weird it is that i never write about music even though it is the one thing i am truly passionate about and truly talented at

waiting

lizie Apr 17

waiting

5am and i’m still awake
waiting for a sign
wondering if you even know
how to live with this pain.

wandering thoughts

lizie Nov 2024

wandering thoughts

what the **** am i doing here,
chasing shadows, chasing fear.
steps uncertain, paths unknown,
trying to find my way alone.

i felt okay for a while, but not anymore

we are not the same

lizie Jul 7

we are not the same

i’m not like you.
me and you,
we are not the same.

you see a scratch,
i see a reason.
you ask why my arms look like this,
i say,
they’re just scars.

you pass by a razor,
i break it down in my mind.
you see a pocket knife,
i wonder
how sharp,
how deep,
how much.

you live.
i survive.

we are not the same.

we know

lizie May 19

we know

dad had tears in his eyes
when mom told him i had cut again
he doesn’t cry
not really
not unless something’s falling apart
and this time
it was me

he said why
again and again
like the question could fix it
like i could fix it
but i just stared
felt the words press against my throat
and stay there
tight
screaming
quiet

so i said
i can’t just stop being sad
and that’s all
because it’s the only truth i had

mom gave him a look
like don’t push her
she’s already broken
already bleeding
already tired of explaining
what can’t be
explained

and then
she hugged me
really hugged me
like she didn’t care
that she hates hugs
held me
like she wanted
to keep me here
keep me whole
even if she couldn’t

and she said
we know
like it meant something
like knowing was enough

and maybe
for a moment
i
believed
it

what i deserve

lizie Jun 15

what i deserve

i don’t deserve
the soft things.
not love,
not light,
not even quiet.

everything i’ve earned
is a lie,
and everyone knows it.
they just pretend they don’t.

i only deserve
what cuts.
and maybe
i always have.

what i meant to say

lizie Nov 2024

what i meant to say

when i said “i’m fine”
what i meant was “i’m tired”
not of you, but of trying to be
the version of me you could love

when i said “take care”
what i meant was “please stay”
but goodbye is easier when
it doesn’t sound like begging

when you said “i’m sorry”
what you meant was “it’s over”
i caught the silence between your words
the way it wrapped around my throat

and now, when i say nothing
what i mean is everything
i never knew how to tell you
while you were still listening

what i want to hear

lizie Jan 26

what i want to hear

i just want someone to say they’re proud of me
and mean it enough to make me believe it

what i wish

lizie May 14

what i wish

i wish someone would say
“lizie, don’t cut yourself anymore,”
and they’d want to say
“don’t hurt yourself,”
but what they should actually say is
“every time you carve your skin
you hurt everyone you love.
your family,
friends,
mom, dad, sisters.”
except actually,
my family cares,
but my friends haven’t reached out
since i told them i was sick.
but i think this would help.
this is what i wish.