I need something,
to get me through
to help me up and over
this little bump
once so small,
but now seems so big
to me,
but I've always been little

I need some time,
to remember who
I am, and who
I need to become
to breathe fresh air
and fill my lungs,
as deeply as I need to,
to breathe it all in
for as long as I have to

I'm looking for a break,
a point between
the mountains and valleys
where the excitement lulls
and time slows,
only for a moment
a small window of shallow bliss
that's all I need

But my watch won't stop ticking
and time is always trying,
to explain itself to me
reasoning with sun up and sun down
is endless and worthless
they say it stops for no one
how foolish,
that I believed it would pause
for me.

I can wake up real early
Get myself out of bed,
all on my own
paint on my smile
and wipe away my tears

but not today,
today is for rest

I can sit at my desk
and stare at the screen
make it look real
and impressive
play professional like a big girl

but not today,
today is for creating

I can sleep
without tossing and turning
and dream sweet dreams
that last the whole night through

but not tonight,
tonight is for remembering

I can love
you, like a king
to my queen
I can hold you close
and make your pain dissapate
into nothingness
until there's nothing left at all

but not with this heart,
this heart is meant to stay broken

Everything hurts today,
I try not to move much
but the knots in my stomach,
make it hard to hold still

When you touched me
something within me woke up
and for the first time,
in a long time,
I was really living

But now it's gone,
and the death of my heart
is too big a burden to bare

my soul, a bloodied war zone
my body, a shaky home built for two
won't bother you anymore

I'll let you go--but not today,
tomorrow.

He slithered in,
taking my hand,
holding my heart

and I didn't look back

I ran behind him,
trying my best to be seen
letting go of my only truths

and he stole all I had left of me

I laid their festering
diseased and decaying
like an open sore
a poorly healed wound

and the scar still remains

I try to hide it
pretend it's invisible,
that I am invisible
but all they see is the scar
it's too loud not to hear

and I can be better, I can overcome

I'll put on my brightest smile
wipe away the tears from my eyes
carry on,
and convince myself that I've forgotten
all the sharp corners
and all the slimy details.

Hey, you
don't ignore me when I speak
I have a voice,
and I'd like you to listen
'Cause I listened to you

Don't step on me,
push my face into the dirt
laugh at me,
*** on me,
kick me when I'm down
I'm here, I'm real
you can't take that away from me

I'm not a vessel
I'm no "host"
for a life that isn't my own
I'm not defined
by my ability to create
it's a blessing,
not a guideline

Just because I can,
Doesn't mean I have to
Just because I do
Doesn't mean I will

Your God's no better than mine,
just because he agrees with you
and he favors your life over mine,
excuse me while I get back in place

This body,
my body, wasn't made
to create, to bare, to endure
it was made, I was made
for choice
for power
for purpose
and no man, policy, or "divine" rite
can take that away.

You stepped in, you stepped out
but I didn't think it would end
not, this way
not in a way, that makes us enemies
makes me good and you evil
tears me apart
but leaves you
unscathed

But you weren't ready,
for a love like mine
your hollow bones couldn't bare the weight
of my heavy hardened heart
so you fled
and left me abandonded

Alone again,
I'm left trying to turn back the clock
on a love that was forgotten
while I wade patiently,
in a mess I made all on my own