She stared wildly at the phone
She had never felt so hungry
Or had been more aware of being alone
I pondered in dim moonlight
Where was next she would stay
But as I stopped to listen
She continued to walk slowly away

I sat among the cicadas
Serenading each other in time
I closed my eyes and played pretend
Wishing that they were mine

Nothing is worth fighting for
For that is what they’ll say
Because listening to the crying willows
Is all that will drown out the day

I galloped to a clearing
One bathing in sweet sun
And I sat again and pondered
Just how the west was won

Is it silly for me to spend my days
In sweet and empty solitude?
Or am I just greater than the rest
Pardon me for being so rude

I know my day has come along
And for that I am full of life
This will be my greatest song
Which I will sing even through strife.

I was dry
Laying on land breathing clean air
Bathing in radient light
But I got hot
I grew restless
I couldn’t take that bright sun

So I tried to take a quick dip
But I got carried away and took the plunge
Now I’m splashing helplessly
And the cold water’s stinging me
It’s covering me
And becoming me
Dragging me down
Deeper and deeper
Further and Further

Into the dark abyss
The hellacious unknown
I can’t reach the surface now
I’m continuously struggling
So I’ll give up and go down
Letting it take me
Becoming tangled in kelp
And I’ll bury my head beneath the sand

I’ll take one last look
Up at the sun I once knew
At the place where I once was

I’ll close my eyes
Let the darkness and engulf me
And let go.

Mine
was a happy soul.
A warm, yellow-orange
manifestation
which grew from God herself.

Brightness
an incendiary flame
begun from deep within
She started from a single drop of sunlight
and moved through this universe
tirelessly, waiting
for a way to get back.
She picked up blackness along the way.
Deep blues and heavy purples
dimmed her light
but still she shined
and her glow transformed.

This is when my soul
came to meet my body
and there they became
perfectly entangled
and equally united.

In this moment of saving grace
I am reborn again
I am healed from inward out.
I am together
I am not apart, or separate but equal
I am one.

I cry to the heavens
and allow my heart to escape my chest
to let it float about
untamed and unafraid.
My being has become illuminated
and quiet tears have made their happy debut
in my eyes
before cascading freely down my beaten face.

I am no longer woman
and I am no man
I am just
a being of God
hovering above my earthly body
in her good graces.

There are places,
small niches and nooks in time,
where we retire to,
where we run away from,
and find ourselves in,
when we are lost.

You my love,
are my place.
My fuzzy dreamed melody,
and my home with out a name.

The air is warm in you,
and around you.
I fall into it with open arms,
and every time,
it catches me.

Sometimes,
which is to say,
most times.
I find myself in a heavy,
thick,
merciless fog.
I feel around blindly for my exit,
for my sweet escape.
I am lost,
and I have given up.

Hopelessness becomes me,
it consumes my soul,
for dinner,
and fills its belly on my failures.
Just before it is all over,
before I become black,
there is your hand.
Your quiet,
all-knowing offering,
to guide me back to the light,
and I am saved.

Listen as they howl
With the sirens
And at the sky

Screeching
Bleeding
Yearning
And burning
All for the blood red moon
Like a prayer to God
Like a cry for mama

Listen as they weep
And pine
And ache in relentless agony
All for hope
For some kind of sign
A chill in the night
Or a smile from a star

Watch as they turn themselves
Inside out
In grief and shame
Dirtiness so deep
Even their souls must be hosed down

Watch as they crumble
And become so small
That they are now the earth
A patch of dirt for us to walk over
And smush down with our feet
Like they were never there at all

The souls of the ******
The sleepless coyotes
And the hounds of hell
Wail for me
And beg to take me down
Past the river banks
And deeper than the sea
To a no man’s land
And the place which carries no name.

It was the weight of it
Which made me wander
Into the shadowy
Starry
Menacing unknown

The depth of it
Flowed on
And on
And I followed it
In stride

It was wide
So immense
That I could not cross it
Not alone
Not with my small body

But it was
And it is
Coming
Pouring
Protruding from me
And my tiny
Womanly
Little frame

I need to put this down in words
So that one day it will have meaning
And it will never be forgotten
Because I will never lose the feeling
Of being lost
Scared
And cold
With out you there, by my side

I push my makeup around my face
Moist with tears
And soaked with sweat
This is what love does
It hurts
And it takes
Loving is like feeding a beast
Whose belly never fills

Sickness
All day and from nowhere
Something foreign
Disrupting my body
My day and my life
It doesn’t belong to me
And it never will

Fear
And the realization that I am alone
Chase away my numbness
Keep me in the present
Persistently filling my lungs with air
Air that’s cold and unforgiving
Loveless
Like me

Strength comes from a deep place
Somewhere hidden from view
A place whose existence I was unaware of
It startled me
And left me stable
Standing alone on straight legs

Laying tense
Cold
Solid on the table
Dressed in slippery wax paper
It was taken
Ripped from me
And I let them have it
Left to walk away
As half
Of what I once was

A little more beaten down
A bit more defeated
A cold shell of a bitter girl
Helpless and mad as a hatter
Screaming inside
And running wildly
In a still stiff stance

Where’s my power now?
Did they take that too?
Or did I just hand it over
Again
Giving up too easy
And leaving too soon